Bought the tickets? Take the ride.

Posted by May on Friday, July 22, 2011

It's a new dawn.
It's a new day.
It's a new story.
It's a new chapter.
It's a new page.

It's a new life.

I knew her back then™

Posted by May on Thursday, July 21, 2011

She was just a simply young girl - mischievous, loud and carefree. Even though she never really had any friends, and no one really cared or bothered to get to know her, it never bothered her because she was independent. She didn't need anyone. She didn't mind being alone. Even though she was bullied and mocked in school, she always remembered what her mother once told her, "sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you". That was her motto.

Troubles came, but it soon passed because it was nothing she could not handle. Life wasn't perfect, but there wasn't much to complain. Life went on and no matter what trials she faced, she would always pick herself up. No matter what abusive words people would hurled at her, she would never let it affect her because she knew someone up there, loved her for who she was. And for her, that was enough.

But somewhere down the road of Life, she got lost. She went down the wrong path and started wandering through the city walls alone. Fortunately for her, someone came and picked her up, cleaned her and gave her another chance. It was that someone who made her realize that the bright light that came in when she was in the dark, was not to blind her, but to show her the way.

She learned to love, trust and finally opened herself up entirely to that person. He became so protective of her that she started to become protective of herself. She started to feel like someone of 'value'. And in turn, she wanted to be there for that person because he was the only one that treated her as a someone when society treated her as a no one. However, even though he was there for her, he didn't want to burden her with his problems. In the end, he chose to leave.

She could live without that someone and forget him. But she chose not to forget him, because she knew that she wouldn't be the person she was now if it wasn't for that someone. He could have left her when he found her on the ground. But, he picked her up, dusted her off and made sure she was standing on her own two feet before he left.

Life is no different from a book. Season change, people come and go. Whether they're just a chapter in your life, or whether they stayed till the end, nobody really knows. But if there was one thing she was sure of, she wanted him to stay till the end. She wanted him to be there when she got married because to her, he was a part of her family.

The story doesn't go any further than this.

We can predict our future as much as we want, but there is no guaranteed promise that our future is going to be the outcome we planned in our mind. At some point we'll feel pain, and there'll be tears. But, like I said in my last post - people come and people go.

Friends who once held great promise of an everlasting friendship might not necessarily make it into the next chapter of your life. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth and their glow, but you can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever.

That girl in the story who was so independent, I knew her back then.

Vault™

Posted by May on Wednesday, July 20, 2011

For a while now, I've been wondering to myself if I am a good friend. Perhaps my own definition of being a 'good friend' is somewhat skewed to the status quo. I can't help but continuously ask myself, 'Am I not good enough?'. Yet at the same time, it is not my insecurity talking, it is simply a question that remains unasked.

I've tried in my own clumsy ways, to be what I could. But no matter what I did, I was always under the impression that my efforts seemed to go unnoticed. I don't feel betrayed, because I don't think I have the right to feel that way. We just found ourselves on different wavelengths, it was inevitable.

Surprisingly - it doesn't hurt anymore. It seems that I've already grown accustomed to the pain. Maybe I've already started to move on, without knowing? However, I got to admit, I do feel a certain sadness watching the bitter smoke unfurling from the extinguished lantern. A lantern that once held great promise.


I accept that perhaps our paths were meant to cross but never entwine.

Quoted by an "old friend".

I still care, and always will.
Once your in my heart, your there forever.

I'm utterly disgusting.

Posted by May on Thursday, July 14, 2011

I don't know what's more disgusting...

a) the fact that I went to bed at 12a.m and set my alarm clock at 3a.m to study
b) I convinced myself at 3AM that sleep was more important than study.
c) or the fact that I woke up at 3p.m in the afternoon

You're right, I'm utterly disgusting!

I'm probably the most unproductive person you'll meet within a fifteen kilometre radius and I'm not particularly proud of it. I like to see myself as a person that needs AT LEAST 12 hours of sleep. If I wake up before I had my 12 hours of sleep, I tend to start my day being moody. Some people tells me I'm unhealthy when they find out I sleep an average of 12 hours on a daily basis but I call them jealous. Because.. who doesn't love sleep?

So, currently.. I'm on the verge of failing a course at uni because I'm really great and I never really bother to attend any of the 'help' session they offered during the semester. I have a supplementary exam tomorrow morning and I can feel the stress level crawling up my neck. It doesn't help that I'm currently having a pounding headache that feels like tiny gnomes inside my head mining for gold.

I've been studying the whole day (ever since 3p.m) in my PJ's in the comfort of my messy room which currently looks it's been robbed. Right now, I'm kinda regretting the amount of chocolate that has passed through the gates of my teeth today because we all know who just might be getting more pimples tomorrow.

I apologise for the lack of quality in my posts (Quality? In your posts, May? Good joke). I feel like the quality of my posts and my writing has steadily decreased exponentially (not that I'm ever revisiting the nightmare that is maths) but, it's partially because I'm stressed.

I know, it seems like all I do on this blog is throw pieces of nonsensical writing on your browser but if your reading this, I'm guessing I must be entertaining you in some way or another. I'm guessing, this 'space' is probably a place where you come when you've exhausted all other procrastination revenues, kinda like a last resort.

You know, you love me.

Anyways, it's probably wise if I return to studying.
Wish me luck guys! (I'm going to need it)

I've been feeling down in the dumps.

Posted by May on Friday, July 08, 2011

I've been feeling really out of touch lately, ergo me crawling into a shell of inactivity as far as blogging goes. Ever since my last blog post which was a little over 2 weeks ago, I've been feeling down in the dumps. Like, as in thirty metres down-in-the-dumps amongst all the clutter and non-biodegradable plastic bags.


I've been feeling Blaaaah. My thoughts have also been blah. I felt torn almost everyday and I've started to lose interest in a lot of things. To be honest, I was angry with God. I kept going through trials after trials & they never seem to be ending. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to deal with it all by myself. What's worst was that... I couldn't even get what I wanted. So, I began to think to myself: Why am I going through all these trials when God doesn't seem to care about what I want?

I was so mad & frustrated that it actually came to a point where I was fuming which such rage that I refuse to read my bible or even say my prayers. I even broke down at youth during praise and worship because.. I felt so distant from God. And of course, the last thing I wanted to do was blog about it for 900 people to read and know that I was angry with God.

But God is good. And, I'm not saying that because He gave me what I wanted in the end -- because He didn't. And it hurt. Of course it hurt. But, I realize that even the greatest people in the Bible didn't have a smooth-sailing life either. With them, however, the tragedy wasn't just in not getting what they hoped for, but more often than not, it was something much worse.

For instance, we have Daniel who had his share of lions in the den, Joseph who was betrayed by his own brothers, and Jonah who got swallowed up by a whale. And, of course.. there's Jesus who died for our sins.

These are some of the most significant historical figures that ever lived, and they obviously weren't always happy. Where's the good news, you might ask? My answer is, their stories didn't end there just yet, and I think that was what made all the differences. When Jesus died, his story was not over because He died for a reason, which required him to rise again from the grave three days later. And in doing so, was able to fulfill the very task that God assigned him. And because of that -- because Jesus fought the good fight, we've found freedom and all the hope to live on.


So I refuse to believe that God is the kind of God who allows people to end up in a den full of lions or inside the stomach of a whale for no good reason. We may not know His reason for it at the time -- which is why it's just so hard to trust God, right? -- but if there's another thing that I am learning, it's that the only way we're ever going to have a chance at finding out God's purpose for our shattered dreams is through these two steps:

First, put your trust in who God is, because He is good. And by trusting in His goodness, we are made secure in His promise that He makes all things -- both the good and the bad -- work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28)

Second, because we already know that He can use anything and everything for our good, we have to realize that how we respond to every disappointment, to every failure, to every earth shattering event in our lives matters so much more than we are able to imagine at the moment.

I don't think we're ever going to be the kind of people God dreams for us to be until we realize -- and may I quote Pete Wilson on this -- "He cares more about who we're becoming than where we're going or what we're achieving". In other words, God will always care more about our character than our personal comfort or happiness. And I guess for many like me, our stubborn clinging to comfort and happiness could just be what is holding us back from the best that God has called us to. Because a lot of times, and I think, this might just apply to just about everything, the best things are the ones worth striving for, suffering for and changing for.

But, now that it's over.. and for the sake of being cooler. Let's just pretend I wasn't dealing with teenage angst and that I flew out of earth and befriended some aliens instead. Yep, I've most definitely got swag. But, to end this blog post, to everyone reading this... just know that it's perfectly fine to be angry with God because truth be told, God.. can handle it.

So, no matter what trials anyone is facing...

Hold on, and have a little faith.

Every story has an ending...

Posted by May on Thursday, June 23, 2011

Right now, I'm looking into my future and what I see is a big scary unknown. I use to look forward to the future with so much excitement and joy, but now, my outlook is no longer the same. I look at it with some kind of dread, not knowing what lies ahead. It frightens me that I'm faced with this dilemma where I have to make a decision that is going to affect a big part of my life.

It's common knowledge that letting go is always tough and it's going to hurt when you eventually do. At this point, I haven't let go and yet I am already hurting. I am hurting because the very thought of eventually letting go, hurts me.

I've learnt that every single person who I've spoken to over the past few days had a turning point in their life where they made a clear, specific, unequivocal decision that they were not going to live the way they did anymore. Some people make that decision at 15 and some people make it at 50 and most, never make it at all.

I know for a fact that I'm going to continue to feel the same way until I make a stand and put a stop to it. I know I am so childish, and that the thought of not having something is going to make me want it so much more. But, I also know it's the right decision.

But when? When will I finally be ready and willing to let go? I thought that I grew up already somewhere along the way but I've learnt that it's through trials that really shows your true maturity - and perhaps, I'm still not quite there yet.

I feel like I've done so many wrong things in my life that I can't undo. I've trusted friends who I should never have trusted. And, I know that I have no one to blame but myself for the outcome of it. It was my choice, my decision.. so I got to accept the consequences of my actions.

Currently, I am torn between wanting things and letting them go. I am torn between mourning over what I have lost and rejoicing over what I have left -- over what I've had all along but have taken for granted all this while.

I really wanted a perfect ending. But, now I've learnt it the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Now, I don't know how to end this. I guess it ends here then.

watching uptown girls <3 rest in peace brittany murphy, you are the best.

Thank you M.A.D for being so patient, supportive and for never failing to encourage me.

God's precious gifts.

Posted by May on Thursday, June 16, 2011

There are going to be times where the road is gonna be difficult and there are times we are gonna feel lonely. Sometimes, we may even become discouraged to read our bible. I guess it is during such times that God will lend us a 'helping hand' by placing a friend alongside us.

One of God's most precious gifts that he has given to each one of us is to have friends, mentors and youth leaders who never fails to encourage and lovingly challenge us to keep the fire of Christ burning deep inside our hearts.

According to the Scripture, a friend is one who challenges you to become all that God has intended for you. Jonathan could have succeeded his father to become the next king of Israel. But, he loved his friend David and he encouraged him to follow God’s Will, even though it meant Jonathan could forfeit his own claim to the throne (1 Samuel 19:1-7).

The mark of biblical friends is that their friendship draws you closer to Christ. They “sharpen” and motivate you to do what is right. True friends tell you the truth and even risk hurting your feelings because they love you and have your best interests at heart. (Proverbs 27:6).

So, be receptive to the way God uses friends to help you become spiritually mature. Personally, I want to strive to be the kind of friend that helps others become more like Christ.

Thinking about it, I could never give my hand to the person whose heart is not in Christ. I know it seems like such a high standard but I am learning, with much rebuke and love, that it is supposed to be that way. We are meant to be loved with that height and that depth because we were all bought at such a high cost, that being the blood of the Son of God.

I used to allow the world to make me feel like I was silly, weird and crazy for not bending the rules a bit or compromising my standards but the love of Christ compels me to make a stand for myself and not apologize for who I am: the precious daughter of God.

I know so well what it is like to be without Christ, and though some people could do a pretty good job at pretending there is no ache in the soul without Him, I cannot.

Maybe, my thinking will change over time, but for now.. I don't think I want to spend the rest of my future building a life with someone who does not recognize that. I want to be with a sinner who also knows the beautiful amazing saving grace of a Savior. I want to strive to grow in love with an imperfect person who is slowly being transformed; who is a work in progress simply because God was given room in their life.

God is the only one capable of stilling the wars that wage deep in my heart. He is my source of peace, joy and great hope. I intend to be eternally grateful to him. Because no matter how jaded, cynical or broken we think we may be, I know that God sees us. And I know that He desires that we find Him, and through that, find the person who will shower us with the kind of love that can only come from its Creator; someone that inspires us to grow and change the world.

To me, as long as Jesus is one of your MANY options, he is NOT an option. As long as you can carry your burdens alone, you don’t need a burden bearer. As long as your situation brings you no grief, you will receive no comfort. And, as long as you have a choice to take him or leave him, you might as well leave him, because he won’t be taken halfheartedly.

I pray that you, whoever you are that is reading this blog, will get to know His amazing love, too, and be made complete in Him.

Public transport can be stressful

Posted by May on Monday, June 13, 2011

It's currently 11:03AM in the morning and I'm wide awake. Now, this should seemed normal unless your someone that has been known to most of her friends for sleeping in till 2p.m in the afternoon. Then, that's something worth blogging about. I mean, it's a big achievement. In fact, believe it or not, I've been awake since 8:20AM and even I am amazed at myself.

I really think I deserve a pat on the back!

For the first time in my life, I was so tempted to go through my phone contacts and ring up my friends to announce to them that I've been awake since 8:20AM but I don't think they will appreciate my early phone call so I guess it's best if I just blog about the most random thing currently in my mind that is probably not worth reading... unless you have exhausted all other procrastinating avenues and your last resort is to read May's blog. *shrugs*

I've realized that when faced with a crowd of commuters, it's easy to choke. It's also really easy to be one of those commuters, directing all the collective anger in your body towards whichever person is being frustratingly slow while purchasing a train ticket at the ticket machine. You concentrate all the hate and disappointment that you can harness in your body and unleash it upon that person with such silent fury that if dinosaurs were still alive, they would cry.

But once you get to the front of the line...

It's easy to forget the alphabet. Aarkville? Ardaville? You're half asleep and your confused little brain tells you that it must be at the end of the options, where Ying Yang and Zig Zag are. Of course! It's easy to suddenly lose the ability to direct enough force into your index finger, causing your selection not to be registered by the machine. Why? Simply because you didn't press it hard enough.

Hysterical and close to tears, you wish the machine was dead. You wish death upon the machine's entire family members. Frantically, you jam your finger into the little metal circle, more determined than you've ever been in your life. May, just get a grip on yourself! But it's okay. It's easy to mistaken your eighteen years of age as 'pensioner' as you watch your fingers press the 'cancel' button to begin all over again.

The annoyance of the people in line behind you searing skulls into the back of your head. And it is really easy to do it all again, get your selections right and then suddenly spill all your coins amongst the feet of the very people waiting in line behind you who could use those same feet to stomp the sense out of your face.

I don't know why public transport creates incredible amounts of tension amongst commuters but I kind of take pride in the fact that I can scan my smart rider, do a semi-retarded dougie dance and pass through the gate even before it closes on the person before me.

My self-worth is based on how fast I can buy a ticket at the ticket machine, looking back as I walk off to check if anyone has seen what a good little commuter I am. I don't even know why this should even matter. But it matters... to me anyways.

EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY DONE! *throws confetti in the air*

Posted by May on Thursday, June 09, 2011


Hello all dedicated readers, followers, trolls, creepers and lurkers. After nearly 1 month of solid hibernation, I am officially back!

Sorry for my absence on this blog (SIF, anyone cares.), The exams has pretty much finished for me this semester and this was what I did to my last exam paper when I completed it...


I think I've aged heaps while I've been on exam hiatus. It seems like a thousand years have passed because so much has happened. Since then, I have aged a few hundred million years and have now grown a mustache and a beard long enough to rival Dumbledore.

I'm here to update you guys on what's been happening in my 2 weeks of absence from the blogging world. I attempted to study for exams (note: attempted) though that didn't end up going so well because we all know my attention span is practically non-existent!. I ended up spending copious amount of time, refreshing my twitter and facebook news feed till I was pretty convinced my index finger was gonna fall off any minute from the excessive use of it.

I'm glad that my exams are over now. They raped me so badly, I think even typing the word 'exams' sends shivers down my spine. On a brighter note, for the rest of this holiday, I plan on filling my days up with copious amounts of 'chilling'.

I'm planning to be so freakin' chilled and relax that the saliva in my mouth would most probably solidify into ice and block my airways which will probably cause death by asphyxiation. That's right. You heard correctly, I'm planning my own death this holidays. *inserts scary audio*

And, I'm officially rambling...

Winter's approaching and the temperature is dropping. I guess this means the storage of swim wear, the air conditioner, singlet tops, ice blocks and hair removal. It also means the reintroduction of my love affair with the heater, hot showers, the decreased ability to wake up in the morning, dry skin, chapped lips, thick jackets, and the cultivation of hair on my legs which will be cleverly concealed under jeans. Ah, winter - you complete me.

Thanks for all the feedback about my style of blogging on the last blog post. Thanks so much for all your flattering comments (my ego is literally the size of Saturn right now). Thanks to the special someone that texted me saying "I'm having a-MAY-zing withdrawals. Please blog soon because I'm going cold turkey. Is there a quit line number somewhere?". You made my week - literally.

Not forgetting someone who sent me a text asking if I had died because I stated on my last blog post that I was only meant to be on a two week hiatus. Well, fooled you.


On a side note, I used to dismiss people who listed "sleeping" as their hobby - idiots, and I prided myself on being a morning person but that was 5 years ago, when my bed time was 9p.m. I don't know what changed but life is now infinitely better asleep. Dreams are better than reality. I don't know about you, but I'm sure driving a silver car with silver wings beats commuting to university any day. And of course, nothing beats the embrace of warm bedsheets.

I'm probably just salivating all over sleep right now because I'm currently lack of sleep. So, I guess I should go catch up on some z's before this blog post becomes an essay on the legalization of general anesthesia and unconsciousness via hitting people over the head with a crowbar, because sleeping is better than being awake.

I'll be back soon so keep your eyes peeled... like an orange.

'CYAHHHH LATER HOMIES'

I feel like zksanfanjsak!!!!

Posted by May on Monday, May 16, 2011

Right now, I'm feeling like zksanfanjsak. In case you don't speak fluent smacking forehead on the keyboard, that translates roughly to "So freaking screwed for my exams, it's not even funny".

Procrastination: 1, May: 0

It finally sinked into my brain today that exams are 2 weeks away and I've got so much to study; it's a joke. Right now, I feel like the whole world is continuously moving but I'm just standing still. It's not that I don't know what to do, but I've just realized that there is TOO much to do. Right now, my pulse is racing like a mad horse and I'm pretty sure it's because of the creeping possibility of failure staring straight into my eyes.

I AM SO STRESSED RIGHT NOW THINKING ABOUT MY STUDIES THAT I'M GETTING MIGRAINES THAT LITERALLY GO UP TO MY NECK.

If I fail my exams, there is a high possibility I'll be employed as a professional sea sponge or even a block of cheese. When I joked around a few months ago and wrote on my blog "Future career: Wouldn't mind being a professional sea sponge or even a block of cheese" - I didn't realize it would one day mutate from words on a blog post to a sort of weird reality.

I'm seriously not kidding when I say that I'm dangerously behind on my studying. They don't call me the Crammer Extraordinaire for nothing. So, as from today, I'm going to remove myself from all forms of telecommunication. You can reach me by sending a messenger pigeon or by casting out a message in a bottle. Do not expect any immediate replies, though.

Yes, this does mean a hiatus for two weeks, but I shall see you all on the flip side!

Now, back to churning out economic notes like I've got literary dysentery.

Hillsongs One Day Perth Conference 2011

Posted by May on Saturday, May 14, 2011

On the 12th of May, I attended the Hillsongs One Day Perth Conference. I remember walking into the challenge stadium and immediately being overwhelmed by the crowd. Just seeing the amount of people gathered there was enough to make my jaw to drop - literally. The amount of times my jaw dropped the whole time I was there, was enough for me to wonder if I was going home, jawless. (Yes, I'm so lame.)

So there I was, standing with GMC'ers amidst a huge, huge crowd of people singing their hearts out to God. And although there were times my lips barely moved, I really felt my heart being moved. For the first time in a really, really long time, I felt like everyone under the same roof were family to me even though most of the people there were just strangers.

If it wasn't from Sharon who generously 'gave up' her ticket to me, I would never have gotten the opportunity to be a part of this powerful praise and worship and words can't describe how truely grateful I am! Thank you.

Unfortunately, even with a 10.1 mega pixels camera, I had a hard time trying to take clear shots with my camera. As you are about to see in the following pictures, my self worth as a photographer is only as good as the quality of the pictures I'm about to show in this blog post - which will give you the impression that I took all this pictures using a 2 megapixel camera. That's how bad it is. 'Nuff said.























My recording of the hillsongs performance were so bad that when I played the video I recorded on my camera, I couldn't even hear them singing. It was terrible. In the end, I had to resort to typing 'hillsongs conference perth' on youtube so that I could actually put up videos of the performance on my blog. Shame.

Here's 2 videos of the perth performance that I found on youtube.

'your name high' by hillsongs.



We ended the a-MAY-zing night with 'one way'...



It was truely an awesome night!

It's now 3:33a.m, I'm off to bed.

No questions asked.

Posted by May on Monday, May 09, 2011


01001010 01100101 01100001 01101100 01101111 01110101 01110011

01000001 00100000 01100110 01100101 01100101 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110011 01100011 01110010 01101001 01100010 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01100100 01110011 00101110

01001001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110011 01100011 01110010 01101001 01100010 01100001 01100010 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100110 01100101 01100101 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110

That is all.

God's love letter to you ♥

Posted by May on Thursday, May 05, 2011

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you (Psalm 139.1)
I know when you sit down and when you rise up (Psalm 139.2)
I am familiar with all your ways (Psalm 139.3)
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered (Matthew 10.29-31)
For you were made in my image (Genesis 1.27)
In me you live and move and have your being (Acts 17.28)
For you are my offspring (Acts 17.28)
I knew you even before you were conceived Jeremiah (1.4-5)

I chose you when I planned creation (Ephesians 1.11-12)
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book (Psalm 139.15-16)
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live (Acts 17.26)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139.14)
I knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139.13)
And brought you forth on the day you were born (Psalm 71.6)

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me (John 8.41-44)
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love (1 John 4.16)
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you (1 John 3.1)
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father (1 John 3.1)
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could (Matthew 7.11)
For I am the perfect father (Matthew 5.48)

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand (James 1.17)
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs (Matthew 6.31-33)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29.11)
Because I love you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31.3)
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore… (Psalms 139.17-18)

And I rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3.17)|
I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32.40)
For you are my treasured possession (Exodus 19.5)
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul (Jeremiah 32.41)
And I want to show you great and marvellous things (Jeremiah 33.3)

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me (Deuteronomy 4.29)
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37.4)
For it is I who gave you those desires (Philippians 2.13)
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine (Ephesians 3.20)
For I am your greatest encourager (2 Thessalonians 2.16-17)
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles (2 Corinthians 1.3-4)
When you are broken-hearted, I am close to you (Psalm 34.18)

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart (Isaiah 40.11)
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes (Revelation 21.3-4)
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth (Revelation 21.3-4)
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus (John 17.23)

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed (John 17.26)
He is the exact representation of my being (Hebrews 1.3)
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you (Romans 8.31)
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you (1 John 4.10)

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love (Romans 8.31-32)
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me (1 John 2.23)
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again (Romans 8.38-39)

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen (Luke 15.7)
I have always been Father, and will always be Father (Ephesians 3.14-15)

My question is “Will you be my child?” (John 1.12-13)

I am waiting for you (Luke 15.11-32)

Love, Your Dad.


Almighty God
(none of this was written by me!)

Colossians 3:23 - Who is our main master? God or Man?

Posted by May on Tuesday, May 03, 2011

COLOSSIANS 3:23

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as though you were working for the Lord and not for people."

I've known about this verse for very long, and although I knew it's important to take note of it and apply in our daily lives, I realize now that perhaps I may not have fully grasped the true meaning of it. Perhaps, what it always only meant to me was that I should focus on pleasing God -- and not men. And although I think there's truly nothing wrong with that, I think I may have missed out on the rest of its implications.

For one, the verse says "whatever you do," which means that in every single thing we do, no matter how mundane or unrelated to God as it seems, we should work at it wholeheartedly for Him. But what about our hobbies, or the things we do out of leisure? Well, I still can't quite answer that. What I know, though, is that we should examine whether or not these hobbies work for or against our growth as followers of Christ. So, maybe each time we watch something or do something fun with our friends, we should always consider how it's going to affect ourselves in our walk with God, as well as whether or not it will be something that pleases or displeases Him.

Secondly, it says to "work at it with all your heart," which tells us to give whatever it is we're doing our best shot. We ought to do it by being the best version of ourselves through God's great help. There is nothing too small to be worked at with all our hearts. Even something as small as making a good sandwich, I believe, applies to this verse. Like it says in the bible, 1 Corinthians 6:19 - "Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God?". But, how do we fix ourselves a sandwich our best shot? For me, I think it's as simple as making it taste good but at the same time, healthy and not artery-clogging - nourish our body with what we eat and not trash it.


The verse ends with "as working for the Lord," which obviously means that we should do everything for the glory of God, right? But why is it that actually doing it seems so difficult once we're finally out there trying to do it? I think the answer is pretty simple: It’s because we have too many masters, instead of having just one, and that is God. But we’re such people pleasers, aren’t we? I think whether or not we admit it, we’re all bound to want to please ourselves or other people first before wanting to please God. Now that’s the hard/tricky part. Although I think it’s not absolutely wrong to want to please people, it becomes problematic to do so when we put others before God, or when we use the world’s standards first in measuring our success in the things we do before we use God’s.

I realize it all boils down to setting our priorities straight.

Who is our main master, really?
Who do we look to when it comes to what we do and how we do them?
And whom do we do them for?

Joyce Rodrick Fierze, this one is for you.

Posted by May on Monday, May 02, 2011

Firstly, I'm going to be really honest and say that as I type up this blog post in the comfort of my own room, I'm not too comfortable blogging about my friendship with Joyce. In fact, If I had a choice right now, I wouldn't publish this post at all. Why?

To be honest, I'm not too sure about it myself but I just don't like talking about my friendship with Joyce to others. There are some friendships which holds a special place in my heart and I rather keep it personal and I guess, this is just one of them.

I guess you could say that when it comes to my relationship with Joyce, she is my sister from another mother. Our relationship is basically like any other ordinary siblings relationship. The way you get annoyed at your siblings is probably the same way we get annoyed at each other.

I'm pretty open to everyone about the funny things that happens to both of us when we are together but other than that, I tend to be pretty discrete about everything else. I guess to me, the way the MJ (May/Joyce) relationship works has always been kept like a secret behind close doors. It's not that I want to be secretive, but it's more like a topic that I rather not talk about UNLESS - you are really close to both of us. But even then, I don't really share much.

But, Joyce is very special to me and she changes my life just by being part of it. She makes me believe that there is really 'good' in the world. She walks in when the rest of the word walks out. There are times, she knows what I'm thinking or feeling and I don't need to say anything. Sometimes, we communicate through eye contact and make funny hand actions before one of us burst out laughing. We tend to whisper to each other instead of casually talking (like, we are speaking a different language from a different world ;D) and we have our moments where we randomly burst out laughing at the top of our lungs after attempting to communicate through facial expression.

I can spend the entire day doing nothing with Joyce and by the end of the day, make a million memories out of it. And most importantly, she brings out the best in me and makes me a better person just by being herself.

We've had our ups and downs and in this close to 2 years friendship, I've learnt a lot of things. I've learnt that sometimes, you just got to learn to give & take. You can't have everything your way, and compromising with each other is really important. I've learnt that even if you don't agree with each other, instead of arguing about the most pointless things, sometimes, you just got to shut up, and keep your opinions to yourself. Ego & pride counts for nothing when your measuring it to friendship.



Some of our mutual friends in JPYM sees me and Joyce as 'one' so I guess it wouldn't be wrong to say that sometimes, people do sees us as twins probably because we are always seen within a 5-10m radius of each other. If Joyce isn't standing with me, people usually proceeds to ask me, 'Where's Joyce?' and vice versa. Sometimes, I feel like I need to know the whereabouts of Joyce just in case people ask me. But sometimes, it's just annoying.

However, I think we both try & make a conscious effort not to be 'glued' to each other when we are hanging out as a group though, by the end of the day, we always find ourselves walking beside each other and gossiping(?) - *post ends abruptly*

I think we are both truely blessed by God to have such an awesome friendship.

When you are sad, I will dry your tears.
When you are scared, I will comfort you.
When you are worried, I will give you hope.
When you are confused, I will help you cope.
And when you are lost, and can't see the light.
Just know that I shall be your beacon, shining ever so bright.

This is my oath, I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask? Because your my friend.



Love you, ogly.

JFIERZE 2 takeover :)

Posted by May on Sunday, May 01, 2011


HERROOO - blog hacked by May's coolest sister

I should really be doing work but obviously i choose blogging over sciencee :):):)

So I've known Poops since she was born. We adopted her into our family cause we are cool like that. Always the odd one out, the most SIBUK person around! and always being bullied and leaving the MILO tin open. *gosh this girl never learns*

She is actually one of the most awesome person i know :) giving, caring, loving, annoying, talks a lot, loves singing, loves going out, loves m&m (yellow ones), loves sushi, loves coming into my room, loves watching me play the drums cause thats the time our eyes does all the talking etcc..

She loves bursting out in chinese songs (In an indian house) especially the MUNAYII song! even I know that song of by heart and I bet I can sing even better then the singer :)!

Like any other relationship, we have had our ups and dows but glad to say more ups than downs :) We can only last 1 week without talking to each other :) But its really funny how if May is present and Joyce is absent, everyone goes to May saying "Where's Joyce" or vice versa!!

And also how people come up to each one of us if they dont see us talking all concerned asking "What happened to you and Joyce?"

Do we really stick to each other so much? Do we really know each other that much? Well we ask ourselves this questions all the time :) Sometimes it seems that people know more about "Joyce and May's relationship then we do???!??!?

But thats cool:) What ever it is i no i can always count on this girl :)!

She is a-MAY-zing :)

and May dont go changing :) cause girl you are amazing - JUST THE WAY YOU ARE :)

Im not really a blogger so im going to go now :)!!bahahahhaaha :):):)!

always sealing it with a hug :)

We are the most ying yang person you'll ever meet :)

okay TATA BYEEEEE :)!!

peace out :)

Love yalll :

Size 2 baby sneakers (insert "awws" here)

Posted by May on Monday, April 25, 2011

Hello Netizens! I know it's been ages since I've blogged about 'life' in general but to sum up my life sans blog in exactly three words: It's getting better. But now that it's the Easter study break, I can spend my time doing things I haven't done in a while like... *abrupt silence* Well, I haven't done anything different from the normal routine though recently, my ovaries exploded after I came across a pair of size 2 baby sneakers and for the next 2 minutes, the only thing that came out of my mouth was: (insert "awws" here).

gucci-baby-sneakers1

gucci-baby-sneakers2


I've never really given child rearing much thought but I am now convinced it's God's will for me to make lots of mini May Rodrick Fierze and equip them each with a pair of size 2 baby sneakers.

In all seriousness, I'd like to say thank you to my (remaining and somewhat dwindling) readers who have been a constant reader to my blog. You've all been incredibly supportive.

On a side note, it's been a while since I've answered questions so I've created another Formspring account (http://formspring.me/mayzhang) where you can ask me any question while remaining completely anonymous. If you like, you could even send me picture of yourself in a mankini. The possibilities are endless.

You can also send me your homework questions and I'll reply with incoherent gibberish because that is the sound of me banging my head repeatedly on the keyboard. Alright guys, bring on the questions!

http://formspring.me/mayzhang

7 stages of friendships.

Posted by May on Saturday, April 23, 2011

Sometimes, we meet the most unbelievable crazy friends that we never knew could exist in our life. But sometimes, as time goes by, the path that once started off as innocence and fun has taken a change of road - a different path. A path that we swore to ourselves that we would never take a step across. The road that we vowed we would never walk.

And when this happens, we find ourselves becoming... strangers again.



Stage 1: Meeting

Stage 1 is basically the stage where all friendships begins. A simple 'hi' to an unfamiliar face, not aware that one day, they would become one of the most important people in your life.

Stage 2: The Chase

This is the stage where you 'click' with them to a point where you love their company, you loved every single minute you're around them and basically, they are your number 1 priority. All you wanna do in your spare time is hang out with them. It doesn't matter how boring and simple the plan is, as long as the company is there - you're probably all set.


Stage 3: Honeymoon

This is the time where you fully express your affection to each other and you pretty much want to do everything together. By the end of it all, you probably have bazillion pictures of each other on facebook and heaps of fond memories that will rush through your mind every time you think about each other. But eventually, the 'fire' starts to simmer down.

Stage 4: Comfortable

Being comfortable is not necessary bad, it's when we can truely be ourselves. But, it's what we do with that 'comfort' that makes all the difference. Some use it positively and work on it to grow together while others use it to create distance. That's when we start to take each other for granted or people that's been in our life for so long starts to change. The feelings aren't as 'strong' as before. This could happy over a few weeks, months, or even over a few years of friendship.



Stage 5: Tolerance

Someone that once played such a significant role is now playing a minor role in your life. You start to drift away from them. It's not that you don't realize it, you do - but you don't pay much attention to it or you don't do anything to fix that. It happens so gradually that you don't even notice it until you're on opposite ends of the spectrum. By then, you start to panic and you have no idea what to do.

This is the phase where you basically can't see eye-to-eye with them. Arguing and not understanding each other is one thing but feeling dissatisfied with the relationship is a bigger issue - it's another problem of it's own. At this point, you try to make changes and fix things. Right now, the friendship isn't bad but it isn't great either. And, let me tell you, that's never a good way to describe a relationship.

Stage 6: Downhill

Basically at Stage 6, there is not much time left once you're in this stage. Efforts to try and make things work just isn't worth it anymore because they don't seem to work. Problems continues, cold war starts.. and at times, you don't even know what caused this cold war, you just know that you're in a cold war that never seems to end. You want 'out' but you can't find the exit. Trapped.



Stage 7: Breaking up.

This is where you leave it on good mutual terms. This is when we start a new path, one that leads right back to where we first started. Strangers. Changes will be so drastic and so blunt. Distance will grow. Both will move on, and new friendships with other people will start to form. And even when we both get over the past and try to remain as friends, things will never be the same.

Our lives will continue on in different directions, things that we once shared will become fragment memories. All that would be left will be a box of random stuff from a faded period of time when that stranger was once one of the most important person in your life.



Whatever the reason may be...
The bottom line is that... somebody stops trying.

If you love them, then don't stop trying.
I know I won't.

--

The reason why I blogged about the 7 stages of friendship was because I came across a video by Wongfu Production and after watching it, I realize that it was very similar to 'friendship'. The concepts were the same and basically, sometimes - we need to learn to break down that ego, we need to be humble, step down - and apologize.


Time for some humble pie.

Posted by May on Wednesday, April 20, 2011

There are times in my life where I find myself a little deflated and winded. Usually, I try and not let my emotions rub on others but sometimes they do and sometimes, I lose all control over it. Sometimes, I find myself becoming so hot-tempered and temperamental that I end up finding myself unleashing my anger upon the next unlucky person that crosses my path.

Sometimes, even with such silent fury that it could make dinosaurs cry. I'm sure that if I was at the receiving end of such ferocity, I would be really hurt but it seems like I'm usually just the one dishing it out. I'm actually really ashamed talking about this which is why it's taken me a little over 2 weeks to blog about it.

Sometimes I get so annoyed at someone to a point where I stare at their skulls with such intensity that I feel like I have posesses the ability to blow someone's heads off with a blink of an eye. It's usually when this happens that I realize I'm due for a hiatus.

Sometimes, I seem to have everything going for me and I think I might be beginning to lose it. It's high time for some reality check and have me grounded again. Sometimes, I think I might have too much wind in my sails, it's always good to take some wind out of me. Sometimes I forget that no one owes ME a living - absoutely no one at all.

There are times I get to level ten and forget that I once started off from ground level. Sometimes, I begin breathing the air up at level ten and forget the sights I once saw when I was at level one. Sometimes, I get too big for myself.

It's moments like this when I realize that it’s time for some humbling. Eat some humble pie. Learn to practise restraint, tolerance, and empathy again. Learn to shut up, swallow some pride, take down some built-up walls and ego.

So, I' m not perfect, I never will be. I'm gonna screw up, break hearts, make mistakes, take you for granted, and who knows what else I'll do. But right now, I'm here...

And right now, I'm trying.

It's okay to be out of sync...

Posted by May on Sunday, April 17, 2011

I think sometimes, we all need a little time out for a little calm and quiet. To slow down and take a look at the things around us. To step outside ourselves and get out of the normal routine that we seem to find ourselves in which we have gotten used to. A friend of mine recently told me that it's okay to be out of sync. It's alright for that occasional stutter, or more. It's perfectly fine to take some time out of your comfort zone, stray away from known territory into unfamiliar territory, explore -as long as you just remember the way back to the people who loves you.

I guess the only thing we can know about life is that it's bound to come with it's ups and downs. It's never gonna be constant, it's never gonna reach our ideal state of equilibrium, unless we think it so.

We can climb the highest mountain, only to find greater and newer heights beyond that; we can get to the lowest low, only to realize that there is always something else that will match or further it. Sometimes we set ourselves a goal to reach the highest point, we strive to keep ourselves there, to maintain our place, only to realize the futility of our efforts; at the lowest point, we fight and struggle to pull ourselves out only to find the dawn of a brand new day after a good night's sleep.

Life takes us places, and when you can scale the greatest heights, you can also fall to the deepest depths. But, I guess sometimes we need to be reminded by others that everything will be fine. Sure, the world out there can be harsh and moving at a pace that is sometimes a little too fast for us to cope, the waters may be too turbulent for our liking, and at times everything seems to be spinning at god-speed. But, I guess we just got to learn to ride it, and know that we are going to come out of it stronger than we first began.

I use to think that we should always be ready for the next high or the next low but if there's something new that I've learnt in the past few weeks, we don’t always have to be ready and prepared for whatever is coming at us. We can always get out of the routine, that monotone, that comfort zone, that solid ground and learn to tread on water, push some boundaries, go beyond. Push a few buttons that we've never thought of pushing before. Do something completely different from the usual change. It's only when we take a leap and explore do we notice the difference from being in unfamiliar territory to familiar territory.

Maybe in sync and out of sync are not so mutually exclusive after all.

Direction need not always be forward or right; a retreat can be a form of advancement

...I guess.

I'm a chicken.

Posted by May on Monday, April 04, 2011

Excuse my entry title for I was in lack of a good one. Then again, when have I ever had a good title? I'm gonna start this post about the ongoing fasting. It's taken me a while to openly talk about this but being a catholic, I should be fasting and giving up on something during this fasting season but to be honest, I've given up nothing. I'm a little ashamed for talking about this, especially since I'm probably making this a public entry.

I think the thought of giving up on 'something' intimidated me just thinking about it and because of my superficial priorities I kinda brushed the whole 'fasting' thing off my shoulder. I don't even know why, but I chickened out. I'd hate to admit this but I figure that it's true: I am a chicken. I know that I called myself a cow(ard) a while back. But most importantly, we all know that I'm a confuse and indecisive child.

Lately, my actions have been the opposite of everything I've been saying I believe in. I've gone back to certain old bad habits (e.g. swearing), and although I keep saying that maybe I should allow myself to fall apart just a bit so that after all this, I can get back to being that supposedly growing Catholic... But honestly, all that is left in me is the fear that I might not be able to go back so easily as I thought I could.

I've realized that there are many clever traps Satan has prepared for us, and the scary part is that most of these traps aren't as harmful as we expect them to be. You think he'll lure us in by making his trap look so vicious and wrong? Wrong! Of course he'll make it seem pretty somehow, or if not, "completely normal" so we'll give in so easily! Perhaps, it could be just allowing our human heart or human rationality to take over us for one moment. But the next, it could be our soul that's being taken over by God's very own enemy.

So I say, watch out!

I've made some mistakes recently, and I've been struggling to pick myself up and get back to where it feels best, being on God's side of the fence and working towards doing God's will. Whatever his plans are for me, time will only tell. God knows that my heart is still not fully where it's supposed to be. I have my moments when I really want to give up(?) But I also know that God is really patient with me and has shown his love for me by giving me great and awesome mentors to help me get through my spiritual journey and lead me away from the wrong path and guide me in the right direction to becoming a better person.

I'm gonna keep running forward despite the setbacks I've made and will probably make in the future, because there's no stopping now. I know that God will take care of me no matter what, and that's all I need to know.

Sorry

Posted by May on Saturday, April 02, 2011

It is so easy to succumb to temptations. I want to fight any temptations that come along, no. not fight, but FLEE. Because I know I am not strong enough to fight them.

God, I’m sorry.

Silence. For quite a while now.

Posted by May on Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Once, I was told: “What you say/write to someone will always be subjective or viewed as subjective, no matter how objective you try to be. People who stand by you will continue to do so and people who stand against you will always have a reason to do so regardless of what you say or do so why say or do anything more?”

“Words are powerful; they can manipulate or coerce; but at the end of the day, words are just words, ultimately limited in power. Yours against mine, anyone can say anything. Let your actions speak for you. Let others speak for you if they wish to.”

But, It definitely takes a lot more to give others credit, to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Increasingly, I find our youths (in general!), our world, badmouthing others so easily, with so little effort and concern, it has become a habit, a hobby. Especially under the veil of anonymity, behind people’s backs. We are becoming a very critical, cynical, and negative bunch. It really doesn’t take much to badmouth others, does it?

Yes, it’s fun to badmouth others. Fun. That’s all. Just for that moment. But does it make us happier? Or does it in fact make our world more negative? We all have the license to speak and badmouth and criticise, by virtue of our mouths. It’s free. But perhaps, we would like to take more responsibility in what we say? Why don't we learn to take more responsibility in the consequences of our actions? To display more maturity and integrity in our words and actions?

Just remember...

When we point at someone else using our hand, one finger is pointing at them but three fingers are pointing back at ourselves.

The next time we want to badmouth others, think again.

I badmouth you. You badmouth me.
Do we really want a dog-eat-dog world?

My answer is No. What’s yours?

--

Unfortunately, my voice is always going to be viewed as subjective and hence less credibly regarded though possibly more well-informed.

It’s just the feeling of being wronged or maligned that I didn’t like which I couldn’t come to terms with. I’ll live with it.

Silence. For quite a while now.

Change

Posted by May on Sunday, March 27, 2011

Something that never fails to fascinate me is when someone from our past comes by one day and pops up with a line like... "Hey, you've changed."

Okay.
WOW.

Like really? Wow.

Like as if that is NOT supposed to happen. It's as if change is so fundamentally difficult that nobody is supposed to let it happen. It's like they take a gun and point it straight at your head, telling you that you... ain't you anymore.

But hey, what IS the real me? Who are YOU to tell me who am I supposed to be? So what if I've changed? Don't we all exist to change and morph and grow? So am I supposed to be 145cm short and consistently possess an IQ of 135 every time our paths cross? Hello, I'm real here, not a projection of your tainted memory.

So yeah, the next time you decide to tell someone "You've changed" (suggesting a negative connotation), think again. You have no rights to chain someone to his/her past. We are who we are TODAY, not who we WERE yesterday (even the grammar makes total sense.)

In conclusion, embrace change, be it good or bad, 'cause that's what makes us US.

That's all I have to say for today.

What's my view?

Posted by May on Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Here’s my view: Religion won’t save a person. You know what does? A true relationship with a Savior, and that’s none other than Jesus Christ. Because He will save you not only from hell but also from the hell we inevitable set ourselves up for here on this Earth.

I believe that Faith trumps religion by an infinity of miles. If you add trust to that and a daily commitment to walk with the One who gave it all, then I think you’re all set for life!

If you have never believed what I’m saying here is true, maybe you can try seeking God with all your heart and ask Him to make Himself real to you. Because if you ask me now to prove God’s existence, I can tell you already that I can’t. Even I have a lot of things I don’t understand about God and the way He does things.

But I acknowledge the fact that He’s God and I’m not, and that my little human brain can only understand so much. But even more than that, the main reason why I believe He is real is because He is real to me. And I sincerely hope that no one misses out on His overwhelming realness because, seriously...

what’s life without the One who gave it to you?