I've said this a million times, and by now.. it should be no surprise to anyone. It should only start to sound repetitive but I hate change. And, for someone that doesn't like change, I'm going to be stepping out of my comfort zone because I'm gonna get a haircut. I don't mean just getting my hair cut shorter with the same old hairstyle, I mean a different style. A totally different style from the usual, I'm taking a risk.

Today, I showed Abby the hairstyle and we talked about it for a while and I made a joke with Abby that if I looked bad in it, I might just go on a 40 day fast. I swear, right after I said that, her face changed in a flash from a normal 'abby' face to a 'I wanna bitch slap you' face.

Just for the record, this is not how Abby looks like.

I guess only people who know Abby personally would understand how this looks like but Abby's nostrils starts to flare, her teeth is biting the bottom lip, she's shaking her head sideways really slowly, and she looks me straight in the eye like a single blink could kill me and she said..

'May, I want you to PROMISE me now that you will not do that to me'.

For some reason, after Abby said that, I felt something that I haven't felt for a while. I'm not sure if 'love' is the right word. There's no way to describe this feeling, but i'll try. It was like I felt that 'someone still cared' or maybe no one really expressed that to me in a while but I had this sudden urge to jump out of my seat and give Abby a really big hug.

P.S: This is how Abby looks like...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
(this face gets me laughing every time!)

Just kidding, this is how she normally looks like...

.
.
.
.
.


I love her, I really do.

As you can tell, this blog layout is not exactly perfect. It's not aligned properly - it's got its own flaws. Initially, I did plan on trying to make it close to perfection but I've been told that nobody is perfect - nothing is perfect. However, I've also been told by others that practice makes perfect. Sometimes I wish they'd actually make up their mind.


The more I live, the more I realize the impact of perfection in my life. Perfection is like two horizontal lines, the journey doesn't end until they both meet - therefore, it's a journey with no end. I''m not perfect, it scares me knowing that I'm nowhere near it. If my life is not perfect, then why should all the flaws on my blog be hidden?

Isn't a blog like snapshot of us, bloggers, working in progress? I'll tell you guys the wonderful thing about a blog and what makes it a piece of performance art - in my opinion. (and also why, everyone should have a blog!) To me, a blog is a virtual permanent record of our impermanency, a record of our growth and change, and the patterns of who we are and who we are becoming and at times, who we intend to become.

It's powerful because it's public but because it's public and because blogging is rarely a carefully planned event for most of us (most of us kinda wing through it, right? I know I do) means that you're going to find flaws of life on it. And if the purpose of my blog is to reflect my life and my life isn't perfect, then why should my blog be any different? Therefore, I decided to leave it as it is. I actually like how it looks right now - I like the imperfection that comes with it.

Moving on, I have my reasons for coming back on this blog and moving most of my posts from my other blog to this one. Yesterday, I was reading through my past blog post on this blog and I came across a few blog post which once didn't mean much to me, but now.. it seems to mean a whole lot more. I even created a special column for it on the right hand side. Check 'em out!

And, I'm sure that people is going to wish that I would elaborate on this a little more. But, it's something that I do not want to remember, I don't intend to remember it. The good thing is that whatever has been affecting me in my life has really made me a stronger person. There are things that have happened that I wish didn't happen and there are things that have happened that I wish I could have help prevent, but sometimes life doesn't go the way we want it too. And, I guess that's what makes life so interesting.

Even though it's my life, my way - it's god's way.

Today, I felt something being robbed away from me. For some reason, I seem to have been through this exact same path before. I seem to have experience the same exact feeling before with the same questions - 'why?'. Exactly 1 month ago, I felt the same thing being robbed away from me, and just when I start to come to terms with it, I find myself being knocked down again for the exactly same reason - I'm losing another sibling. I've lost one for the time being, and I'm losing another brother - exactly 1 month later. Only this time, it's for a longer period of time.

The only difference compared to this one and the other one is that, I got given time to 'digest' the information.
(6 days to be exact!)


I've said this before, I'll say it again.
It 'hits' me fine. Just fucking fine.

I have come to discover that we waste far too much of our time bitching about others behind their backs. Whether it was because they did me or my friends wrong, or maybe it was the fact that our little differences annoyed each other. Or, maybe even the way we perceive things are just slightly different. But, somehow.. we seem to find that enough reasons for us to gossip about each other.

Whatever it is, we know that it's not worth it - But why do we continue? We know that it doesn't matter how many times we gossip about them - nothing changes. In fact, they are going to stay the same. Exerting such negative emotions and knowing that nothing changes, is it even worth it?