I finally feel like a new door is finally opening for me, but yet I have to admit, it hasn't been all that simple. It has involved a lot of inner strength and nostalgic thoughts to find the strength to close the old door. I think it's really all part of me wanting to be a better person.



We are fully responsible for the person we are today and as much as I believe in dodging our responsibilities, and running away from the past, I don't believe anyone can dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities. For me, it's affected me in many different ways but it's definitely carved and shape the way I think and perceive the world today both good and bad. But, I've come to accept that whatever has happened is not my fault in any way.

I believe that God has a reason for bringing every single person in your life. Every time someone walks in your life, you're bound to learn something about them. If after goodbye you realise you've learnt nothing, well then maybe, they didn't mean that much to you afterall.

But what's probably more important than just knowing that a new door is opening is the willingness to let go and walk away. It's not so much the pain of letting go, but it's more towards the fact that it's made you the person you are today, and letting go could mean becoming a totally new person. Of course it's not going to be a change that will take place overnight, that I can be sure of, but wanting to change for the better is already half the battle won.

And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

~ Psalm 9:10

1.
A high school teacher once told me, there is a certain 'vagueness' about me.

2.
Future career: I don't mind being a professional sea sponge or even a block of cheese.
(My high school teachers are going to be SO PROUD of me if they knew about it. NOT!)

3.

4.
I'm getting a little sick of explaining myself.

5.
You're not asking but I'm trying to grow a mustache or a beard.

6.
I'm mix.
I might look 100% Asian but I'm not.
I'm actually half Asian and half awesome.

7.
My dream room! *orgasms*

8.
I tend to do this sometimes.

9.
10.
Every night, I stay up way past 12, not because I'm not tired. It's not because I want to tweak on those social networking sites. Because I am tired and I want to sleep. But I can't because my mind runs like crazy. It over thinks, over analyzes things that I don't want to think about. So, I purposely keep myself away & tire myself out so that when I finally lie in bed, I fall asleep and my thoughts don't keep me up.

As much as this might sound like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It's not.

--

Moments trapped in time to never be forgotten. Stuck in the back of your mind or in a frame on the wall. They're something to look back on. They're something to remind you of all the good times and the bad. I remember every detail of the best moments. I remember every detail of your face and the sound of your voice. I remember the words you had said and the things you did. I remember it all, and I miss it.

Though, I wish that I had never met you. No need to want a brother. No need for loving to love, no need for crying over you. No need for crying myself to sleep when you left. No need for acting like you care. No need, for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

But then again, I'm kinda glad that I met you. Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong. You were the one who loved me for me. The one who cared when everyone else didn't. The one who listened. The one who stayed up all night just to talk about the randomness shit ever. You were the one who I told ALL my secrets too. The one who taught me new things. The one who laughed at my bad joke. The one who did things, just for me.

How can I move on if I'm still living in the past? And how can I take a step forward, leaving the past behind, if I can’t even begin to forgive what the past holds? How can I love someone for who they are, yet want to hate them for what they’ve done? I guess that’s what it boils down to is this — there are always those defining moments, times that makes us or breaks us, builds us or tears us apart, help us progress further or stop us dead in our tracks.

And for whichever way I may choose, there’s a consequence of equal value. It’s a true test of what I stand for, where I came from, and where I'm headed. These are moments that I live for, breathe for, and fight for. These are the defining moments that leave imprints forever in my hearts.

These are choices that could bring me one step closer to forgiving you. I guess in order to move on from the past, I must learn to forgive it. And forgiving may mean letting go.

This is a personal post but in a way, it's not so personal like you just took a dive in my pants.

Dear May,

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, and that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.

As long as you know that you have really put in an effort, then that's all that matters. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Being a teenager is hard, harder than some can imagine, harder than some can remember. It’s those years you’ll never forget though you sometimes wish you could wipe them away.

Being a teenager is falling in love too fast, and too hard, talking for hours on the phone to your best friends, being talked about and talking about others. It’s being guilty when you’re innocent, it’s standing out and fitting in. It’s when you have a million questions that will never be answered.

Being a teenager isn’t something you can really describe, unless you’re living it at the time. It’s dealing with life when it crashes on you, and trying your hardest to live through it. Everyone has their tough times. Everyone goes through something, but being a teenager, that’s when you feel everything at once.

When you’re in love, you’re really in love, when you hate someone, you despise them, when you’re lonely, you’re miserable. Being a teenager is something you always have to go through, and it’s the best and worst years of your life. Being a teenager isn’t anything - it’s everything.

So, I just got off the phone with Tiffany and I have to say, I'm feeling really happy at the moment. *chuckles* It never fails to amaze you how the smallest things can turn your day around, how a simple phone call can put a smile on your face, it can make everything better even if it wasn't that bad before. It made me happy enough to feel like blogging, but even better, something to write about.

I have just spent the last 45 minutes or so sharing to Tiffany something that I've never shared before. As in, it's not something that I have ever shared with anyone. But it was an incident that really turned my life around, in both a good and bad way. An incident that I have never talked about, or even expressed before so when I did express it, even Tiffany could tell that I've never shared it before. Well, it sure wasn't something I planned on telling her when I called her for a twitter update on her life. But hey, life's a mystery! You never know what's just around the corner.

Right now, I feel so liberated.

Life's good - for now.

Anyways, I guess I'm gonna end it here for today.

--

On a side note, I'm thinking of starting another blog on my spiritual journey with God. I kinda want a 'space' where I can go when I'm feeling like I'm drifting away from God.

Isaiah 40: 29-31

"He strengthens those who are weak and tired. Even those who are young grow weak; young people can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow walk."

Amen.