What happened yesterday?

It was about the unexpected car ride around the church car park with Tiffany driving while sitting on top of Abby's lap, Yohaan sitting in the passenger seat with Matt on top of his lap and Me, Joel and Joyce sitting at the back seat.

It was hanging out at the church carpark, blasting Joel's music to a 'reasonable' volume, chatting about anything that came to mind. For me, it was just being surrounded by people I felt comfortable around that made everything fun.

It was stealing Joel's toy snake from the back of his car, sneaking it into Yohaan's car and screaming at Yohaan to drive off before he noticed - WHICH he did!

It was Joel and Joyce realizing that I still had his toy snake that led to a mini game of car chasey in the church car park. Which made me wonder... what was a toy snake doing in the back of a 21 year old's car. HAHAHAHAHA.

It was about Abby hiding Joel's wallet while we were in his car and totally forgetting that she still had it when we left. It was seeing Abby's reaction when she saw Joel's wallet in her bag, It was a you-got-to-be-beside-abby-moment to see her face - PRICELESS. But, thankfully, we manage to pass it to him before he left in the other direction or we would have had to make an unexpected visit to his house.

It was about getting Macdonald's FAMILY meal and having supper at Tiffy's house.

It was the phone call with Joyce and Joel that led to everyone passing the phone around to each other so they could take turns talking to the Anthony's.

It was being told that if I did not return the snake, I could have borrowed it for a few nights that led me to chuck a hissy fit while on the phone with Joyce and hoping I could rewind the time so I could take the snake home.

It was about talking to Abby, Yohaan, Tiffy about anything and everything from who snores at night to who grind their teeth at night. It was about our reminiscing our childhood hand games and watching Yohaan burn his leg and arm hair. It was about Abby pulling one long strand of hair out so she could watch how fast her hair took to burn. It was about Abby trying to listen to the gas from Yohaan's lighter and Yohaan scaring her in the midst of it. Abby's face: PRICELESS.

It was me telling them the sound I made when I stretch in the morning which led to watching Abby and Tiffy falling from the sofa on to the floor laughing uncontrollably.

It was bending down to read something on Tiffy's fridge before I went home and being ass-slapped by Abby, Yohaan & Tiffy in a row if I'm not wrong, who were walking past. I guess it was their way of saying, 'bye'. HAHA. I guess it could be the new 'I love you, I got your back'. LOL. (Private Joke)

It was returning home from Tiffy's house at 2a.m in the morning because Tiffy had work tomorow and needed to sleep only to log on MSN and see Tiffy start an MSN conversation with me even though she claim she had to sleep. LOLOL

A simple night.. with an awesome company!

I'll be honest, I've said this before but there was a time I would race home from school, take out all my homework and lay them in a neat pile on the side of my desk. I would then slowly tackle each of them in order of how they were stacked, usually completing ALL my homework just in time to catch The Simpsons on TV at 6p.m. Believe it or not, I was always in bed by latest 9p.m. But that was about 6 years ago.

Now, in 2010... I would crawl back from a shitty day at university, chuck my bag on the floor at the corner of my room, procrastinate at the mounting pile of assignments just waiting to be completed, log on facebook to check my notifications, create plans with friends to hang out later at night then with the remaining spare hours, I would settle for nanna naps or 'How I met your Mother'. And it doesn't stop there. I would come home in the wee hours of the morning and continue to talk on MSN until sunrise. (Best MSN conversations always happens late at night)

So yeah, maybe that's why I have a really bad habit of leaving my assignments 1 or 2 days before it's due then start stressing out over it and finding myself cramming my assignments to the wee hours of the morning on the day that it's due.

If only assignments, were just a little less testing and a little more engaging then I probably wouldn't end up turning my graph paper into a dot-to-dot game, end up tracing around the staple bullets found at the top left side of my paper or proceed to draw love hearts all over the free space located on my paper.

I know I've said this before but I am going to be majorly busy over the next few weeks.
:'(

And, I know I make no sense.

I complain about how busy I am, about how assignments are taking over my life... yet I still seem to find time to procrastinate, make plans to hang out with friends and watch 'How I met your Mother' for hours.

Sometimes, I deserve to be slapped.

I saw this on Tiffy's blog this morning when I woke up...

Reading this made my heart break in a different way - a good way.
Can't deny it didn't leave smiles on my face for the rest of the day.

Overall, I really love the close friend(s) I have right now.
I feel really lucky to have found them, they are like my rock.
I wouldn't swap them for anything - they are like priceless treasures.



Anyways, I better get started on my assignments...

P.S: Thank you Mr. Awesome for going shopping with me.

PEACE OUT GUYS!

I just looked through my diary and checked all my schedules of upcoming events over the next few weeks. All I can say is, I am going to be so busy and stressed out over the next 3 weeks. In fact, if I look at the bigger picture, I might be very busy and stressed out for the next 2 months until all my assignments and exams are over.

The only thing going through my head right now is my weekly university timetable, due dates for assignment that ALL seems to clash at the same time, cell-group fortnightly meeting, design commitee, planning of formation games, upcoming birthday parties, youth, hang out (I need a break) and study group (with tiffy). It's getting so monotonous and all this is just a little too much for me. To be honest, I don't want to scarifice any of them but I know I'm going to have to give & take.

I'm not doing anything right now not because I have nothing to do, but because I just found out.. I have too much to do. And, I no longer know where to start.

The pressure, mounting pile of assignemnts just there waiting for me...
it's overwhelming.

Lollipops turn into cigarettes.
The innocent ones turn into sluts.
Homework goes in the trash.
Mobile phones are being used in class.
Detention becomes suspension.
Soda becomes vodka.
Underwear turns into thongs.
Bikes become cars.
Kisses turn into sex.

Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground?
When protection meant wearing a helmet not a condom?
When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?
Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and Mom was your hero?

Your worst enemies were your siblings.
Race issues were about who ran the fastest.
War was only a board game.
And the only drug you knew was cough medicine.
The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees.

Goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?
The only drama you knew of was Romeo and Juliet?
The only thing you could cheat in was a game?
Players were for sports not relationships?

The only way we could change was with our clothes and not ourselves.
Yet, we absolutely could not wait to grow up?

And now, growing up is our greatest fear.

~ Anon

Note: BRACE YOURSELF - this is going to be a very wordy post.

This study week (aka holidays to me) has been really busy but yet, there were lots of good memories. My main aim this week was to work on my assignments which I barely touched. However, I think this holidays has been a life-changing journey for me.

I have learnt that giving someone a hug could be the smallest thing as putting your arms around them for a few seconds but it's seeing the smiles that forms on their face that really means the most.

I have learnt that no matter how close you are with someone, there are times.. when they are just going to offend and upset you, and vice-versa. But, sometimes.. you just forgive them because you know that deep inside, you love them and you still want them in your life.

I have learnt that there are times, you are going to find yourself on different wavelengths with your close friends and that you can't exactly 'click' with them. But instead of sulking and moaning, don't think too much about it and just let it go - don't even bother trying. If it comes back, it's yours.. if it doesn't, it never was.

Just before the end of last year, I got told that I am quite a 'mystery' to others. (And when I tell people that they are a mystery to others, it's a bad thing - a flaw in MY dictionary.) So, this year, I have been trying really hard to make myself less of a mystery because I wanted to be potrayed differently. Because if there's something I learnt, 'If your being seen as quiet, reserved and someone that keeps things to yourself (A mystery), then don't expect people to share their worries and troubles with you". It's human nature. If you portray yourself as a 'mystery', then you are going to find people portraying themselves as a 'mystery' back to you. That's why being a 'mystery' to others - FLAW. Friendship is and always will be a two-way street. Don't expect others to open up to you, if you don't open up to them. I learnt that the hard way but I've changed now.

I have learnt that your role model will never always be the same - it changes with time. Also, I have learnt that people actually look up to me as a role model. I'm kinda flattered but the responsibility and pressure of being a good role model to them kinda scares me.

I have learnt that, when your comfortable with someone, how long you know them doesn't seem to matter. If your comfortable with them and you see them opening up to you, and you feel like doing the same, don't hold yourself back. Go with the gut feeling.

How else should I describe my holidays? Well...
(in no particular order - please excuse the messy wordy post)

It was receiving an e-mail telling me I got one of the Murdoch Scholarship. It was about hanging out with friends I was never close to before. It was about enjoying the company of a new circle of friends - CV Crew. It was sending friends off at the airport and knowing that I was part of the biggest circle of friends there bidding her a safe trip compared to the rest of the crowd. Now, that's friendship. The decision to get maccas at 12 midnight with the CV crew and eating it together on the top of Yohaan's car in an empty car park while sharing 2 drinks between 6 people. It was about waking up, immediately logging on facebook during lunch time and within 20 minutes, finding yourself in the car heading to spencer village for lunch wiith Tiffy & Kathleen.

It was the group hugs and the 'I love you, I got your back' with JPYM'ers. It was about meeting my cell-group for the first time, and not noticing that it was already past 12a.m and that everyone has been chatting for over 5 hours. It was about checking my phone to see 6 missed call from the same person, thinking that he was in trouble, I frantically called him back only to realize that all they wanted to ask me was whether I wanted to watch 'Clash of the Titans' together with the rest of the CV crew. It was about receiving a call from Yohaan telling me that if I ever need someone to talk to, I would know how to get in contact with him with made me go 'Awwwww'. It was staying up to 5a.m with Tiffy and falling asleep while in the midst of a conversation. It was being woken up before 12a.m everyday either because of a text or phone call(s). It was about catching up with my school cliques at Nicholson Bar & Grill, and realizing that I was on different wavelengths with them and that lots of things have changed in the past few months.

It was about watching Tiffy teach Yohaan how to play Mahjong. It was getting a FAMILY meal from maccas for the first time during our break from Mahjong. It was not wearing make-up in front of the CV crew (my friends) for the first time since I started to wear make up and just learning to not be so self conscious. Like I said, if you feel comfortable with them, go with your gut feeling. It was the feeling of being involved in a crew where everyone really made an effort to build friendships and slowly got to understand each individual's flaws and accepting them. It was the late night d&m conversations with the CV crew. It was about going to Yohaan's room and seeing a Superman poster and feeling my heart sink. It was receiving a gift from a friend that just recently came back on a holiday and knowing that you were remembered.

(OMG - don't your eyes kill when you read this? Mine does.)
I doubt anyone's going to read up to here. lol.

It was being surprised and attempting to surprise someone - which backfired. It was leaving bubble tea outside their door with a note, ringing the doorbell, attempting to run away and hitting my leg on the side of their car then hitting the car twice and swearing at it then realizing I was such an idiot. It was giving someone a surprise and hoping that it would make your day like it made theirs and knowing you still felt down as before even after making someone's day. It was telling the anthony's, it's a SECRET and telling them not to mention about this to others and hours later, being tagged on a facebook status and realizing they just announced it to the whole facebook world and knowing that I now officially owe surprises to 10 other people. It's a 'secret' for a reason. It was about JPYM sitting in a whole row of seats in church and swaying together to the music and clapping to the same beat during easter mass. It was receiving a phone call, with someone saying 'Hi. Did you know, I love you and I got your back way more than you think I do. Bye" and realizing that they forgot to put their phone on private. It was about logging on facebook, checking my notifcations and seeing majority of them to be JPYM'ers/Rodrick Fierze.

So yeah, It was a really great week for me. I think right now, my life seems to consist mostly of JPYM'ers. It's kinda good thing but yet a bad thing. Sometimes, I get so comfortable with one group, I tend to forget about the rest. My apologies!

Exams are coming up soon, assignments are pilling up and this constant hanging out was definitely fun and enjoyable but unfortunately, it's time we press 'pause' and concentrate on our studies. Of course we will still see each other during youth and events so it's not really goodbye.

Please note that CV crew is not a 'group' meant to offend anyone who thinks they are not part of it because they don't live in Canning Vale. We never meant it as a side group from JPYM. It's just a 'name' because majority of the people who chooses to hang out together all live in Canning Vale and the reason CV crew started to form subconsciously was because, I think we all wanted to grow our friendships with each other and look to each other for support.
(But, Invitation is ALWAYS open to core members of JPYM)

So yes.
Goodbye for now~

I'm scared of being happy. Everytime I achieve happiness, God seems to be testing me by giving me harder problems and issues to handle. I'm guessing he trust that I can find the strength to handle it myself but to be honest, I wish he didn't trust me that much. I'm starting to doubt myself. Everything bad seems to be happening all at the same time.

I'm kinda scared of being left alone right now. When I'm with my friends or doing something to keep my mind busy, I usually find myself able to forget all my troubles for a little while, however.. when I'm left alone or when it's quiet, I start to think a little too much. It's annoying. I don't even know what I'm really going through anymore.

Why can't I be like those people that are always happy? And I'm not talking about people that are able to hide their feelings. I'm talking about those people that are truly happy and every time a problem occur in their life, they don't seem to get bothered much by it. Why is it so hard for me? The harder I try, the harder the fall is.

I'm realy tired right now. I'm running out of strength to get up from the ground. I feel myself being pushed right back down everytime I try to get back up on my two feet. But, a part of me still knows I have to fight on..

Because, I once told a friend... "When something happens in life, god just wants you to find your inner strength". And, I try to keep this words in the back of my mind everytime something happens in my life - like now.

I don't like sharing my feelings about this kind of thing but...

I decided that if I was to re-read my blog in a few years time, I would most likely go past this blog post and I would love to reminisce and remind myself how fortunate I am to have these people in my life. Of course in a few years time, plenty of things could have changed. But memories will always stay the same.





I love them a lot.
They are like family to me.
& most of them have left footprints on my heart.
:')

I meant, every single word I just said.
from the bottom of my heart~

Of course, looking back now, I have actually change a lot as a person because of them. I have learnt a lot from them, both good and bad. And, even though this coming July is going to be any 'normal' July for everyone, the 3rd week of that July is going to be extremely special for me. *marks that on the calendar*

Because, it would be my one year in JPYM...
And, because it's the smallest things that means the most.

If you see a really LOUD and noisy asian group, with usually one tall caucasian that stands out from the rest of the black hair. Or, you see people linking arms or people giving each other hugs and out of no where you hear someone shout 'MOSH' or 'GROUP HUG' and you see a whole group immediately go NINJA and turn their heads towards whoever shout it and then everyone running towards that person and joinning the group hug, then you will know, that is JPYM!

This post is specially dedicated to the FUTURE MAY!