I'm scared of being happy. Everytime I achieve happiness, God seems to be testing me by giving me harder problems and issues to handle. I'm guessing he trust that I can find the strength to handle it myself but to be honest, I wish he didn't trust me that much. I'm starting to doubt myself. Everything bad seems to be happening all at the same time.

I'm kinda scared of being left alone right now. When I'm with my friends or doing something to keep my mind busy, I usually find myself able to forget all my troubles for a little while, however.. when I'm left alone or when it's quiet, I start to think a little too much. It's annoying. I don't even know what I'm really going through anymore.

Why can't I be like those people that are always happy? And I'm not talking about people that are able to hide their feelings. I'm talking about those people that are truly happy and every time a problem occur in their life, they don't seem to get bothered much by it. Why is it so hard for me? The harder I try, the harder the fall is.

I'm realy tired right now. I'm running out of strength to get up from the ground. I feel myself being pushed right back down everytime I try to get back up on my two feet. But, a part of me still knows I have to fight on..

Because, I once told a friend... "When something happens in life, god just wants you to find your inner strength". And, I try to keep this words in the back of my mind everytime something happens in my life - like now.