Every story has an ending...

Posted by May on Thursday, June 23, 2011

Right now, I'm looking into my future and what I see is a big scary unknown. I use to look forward to the future with so much excitement and joy, but now, my outlook is no longer the same. I look at it with some kind of dread, not knowing what lies ahead. It frightens me that I'm faced with this dilemma where I have to make a decision that is going to affect a big part of my life.

It's common knowledge that letting go is always tough and it's going to hurt when you eventually do. At this point, I haven't let go and yet I am already hurting. I am hurting because the very thought of eventually letting go, hurts me.

I've learnt that every single person who I've spoken to over the past few days had a turning point in their life where they made a clear, specific, unequivocal decision that they were not going to live the way they did anymore. Some people make that decision at 15 and some people make it at 50 and most, never make it at all.

I know for a fact that I'm going to continue to feel the same way until I make a stand and put a stop to it. I know I am so childish, and that the thought of not having something is going to make me want it so much more. But, I also know it's the right decision.

But when? When will I finally be ready and willing to let go? I thought that I grew up already somewhere along the way but I've learnt that it's through trials that really shows your true maturity - and perhaps, I'm still not quite there yet.

I feel like I've done so many wrong things in my life that I can't undo. I've trusted friends who I should never have trusted. And, I know that I have no one to blame but myself for the outcome of it. It was my choice, my decision.. so I got to accept the consequences of my actions.

Currently, I am torn between wanting things and letting them go. I am torn between mourning over what I have lost and rejoicing over what I have left -- over what I've had all along but have taken for granted all this while.

I really wanted a perfect ending. But, now I've learnt it the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Now, I don't know how to end this. I guess it ends here then.

watching uptown girls <3 rest in peace brittany murphy, you are the best.

Thank you M.A.D for being so patient, supportive and for never failing to encourage me.

God's precious gifts.

Posted by May on Thursday, June 16, 2011

There are going to be times where the road is gonna be difficult and there are times we are gonna feel lonely. Sometimes, we may even become discouraged to read our bible. I guess it is during such times that God will lend us a 'helping hand' by placing a friend alongside us.

One of God's most precious gifts that he has given to each one of us is to have friends, mentors and youth leaders who never fails to encourage and lovingly challenge us to keep the fire of Christ burning deep inside our hearts.

According to the Scripture, a friend is one who challenges you to become all that God has intended for you. Jonathan could have succeeded his father to become the next king of Israel. But, he loved his friend David and he encouraged him to follow God’s Will, even though it meant Jonathan could forfeit his own claim to the throne (1 Samuel 19:1-7).

The mark of biblical friends is that their friendship draws you closer to Christ. They “sharpen” and motivate you to do what is right. True friends tell you the truth and even risk hurting your feelings because they love you and have your best interests at heart. (Proverbs 27:6).

So, be receptive to the way God uses friends to help you become spiritually mature. Personally, I want to strive to be the kind of friend that helps others become more like Christ.

Thinking about it, I could never give my hand to the person whose heart is not in Christ. I know it seems like such a high standard but I am learning, with much rebuke and love, that it is supposed to be that way. We are meant to be loved with that height and that depth because we were all bought at such a high cost, that being the blood of the Son of God.

I used to allow the world to make me feel like I was silly, weird and crazy for not bending the rules a bit or compromising my standards but the love of Christ compels me to make a stand for myself and not apologize for who I am: the precious daughter of God.

I know so well what it is like to be without Christ, and though some people could do a pretty good job at pretending there is no ache in the soul without Him, I cannot.

Maybe, my thinking will change over time, but for now.. I don't think I want to spend the rest of my future building a life with someone who does not recognize that. I want to be with a sinner who also knows the beautiful amazing saving grace of a Savior. I want to strive to grow in love with an imperfect person who is slowly being transformed; who is a work in progress simply because God was given room in their life.

God is the only one capable of stilling the wars that wage deep in my heart. He is my source of peace, joy and great hope. I intend to be eternally grateful to him. Because no matter how jaded, cynical or broken we think we may be, I know that God sees us. And I know that He desires that we find Him, and through that, find the person who will shower us with the kind of love that can only come from its Creator; someone that inspires us to grow and change the world.

To me, as long as Jesus is one of your MANY options, he is NOT an option. As long as you can carry your burdens alone, you don’t need a burden bearer. As long as your situation brings you no grief, you will receive no comfort. And, as long as you have a choice to take him or leave him, you might as well leave him, because he won’t be taken halfheartedly.

I pray that you, whoever you are that is reading this blog, will get to know His amazing love, too, and be made complete in Him.

Public transport can be stressful

Posted by May on Monday, June 13, 2011

It's currently 11:03AM in the morning and I'm wide awake. Now, this should seemed normal unless your someone that has been known to most of her friends for sleeping in till 2p.m in the afternoon. Then, that's something worth blogging about. I mean, it's a big achievement. In fact, believe it or not, I've been awake since 8:20AM and even I am amazed at myself.

I really think I deserve a pat on the back!

For the first time in my life, I was so tempted to go through my phone contacts and ring up my friends to announce to them that I've been awake since 8:20AM but I don't think they will appreciate my early phone call so I guess it's best if I just blog about the most random thing currently in my mind that is probably not worth reading... unless you have exhausted all other procrastinating avenues and your last resort is to read May's blog. *shrugs*

I've realized that when faced with a crowd of commuters, it's easy to choke. It's also really easy to be one of those commuters, directing all the collective anger in your body towards whichever person is being frustratingly slow while purchasing a train ticket at the ticket machine. You concentrate all the hate and disappointment that you can harness in your body and unleash it upon that person with such silent fury that if dinosaurs were still alive, they would cry.

But once you get to the front of the line...

It's easy to forget the alphabet. Aarkville? Ardaville? You're half asleep and your confused little brain tells you that it must be at the end of the options, where Ying Yang and Zig Zag are. Of course! It's easy to suddenly lose the ability to direct enough force into your index finger, causing your selection not to be registered by the machine. Why? Simply because you didn't press it hard enough.

Hysterical and close to tears, you wish the machine was dead. You wish death upon the machine's entire family members. Frantically, you jam your finger into the little metal circle, more determined than you've ever been in your life. May, just get a grip on yourself! But it's okay. It's easy to mistaken your eighteen years of age as 'pensioner' as you watch your fingers press the 'cancel' button to begin all over again.

The annoyance of the people in line behind you searing skulls into the back of your head. And it is really easy to do it all again, get your selections right and then suddenly spill all your coins amongst the feet of the very people waiting in line behind you who could use those same feet to stomp the sense out of your face.

I don't know why public transport creates incredible amounts of tension amongst commuters but I kind of take pride in the fact that I can scan my smart rider, do a semi-retarded dougie dance and pass through the gate even before it closes on the person before me.

My self-worth is based on how fast I can buy a ticket at the ticket machine, looking back as I walk off to check if anyone has seen what a good little commuter I am. I don't even know why this should even matter. But it matters... to me anyways.

EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY DONE! *throws confetti in the air*

Posted by May on Thursday, June 09, 2011


Hello all dedicated readers, followers, trolls, creepers and lurkers. After nearly 1 month of solid hibernation, I am officially back!

Sorry for my absence on this blog (SIF, anyone cares.), The exams has pretty much finished for me this semester and this was what I did to my last exam paper when I completed it...


I think I've aged heaps while I've been on exam hiatus. It seems like a thousand years have passed because so much has happened. Since then, I have aged a few hundred million years and have now grown a mustache and a beard long enough to rival Dumbledore.

I'm here to update you guys on what's been happening in my 2 weeks of absence from the blogging world. I attempted to study for exams (note: attempted) though that didn't end up going so well because we all know my attention span is practically non-existent!. I ended up spending copious amount of time, refreshing my twitter and facebook news feed till I was pretty convinced my index finger was gonna fall off any minute from the excessive use of it.

I'm glad that my exams are over now. They raped me so badly, I think even typing the word 'exams' sends shivers down my spine. On a brighter note, for the rest of this holiday, I plan on filling my days up with copious amounts of 'chilling'.

I'm planning to be so freakin' chilled and relax that the saliva in my mouth would most probably solidify into ice and block my airways which will probably cause death by asphyxiation. That's right. You heard correctly, I'm planning my own death this holidays. *inserts scary audio*

And, I'm officially rambling...

Winter's approaching and the temperature is dropping. I guess this means the storage of swim wear, the air conditioner, singlet tops, ice blocks and hair removal. It also means the reintroduction of my love affair with the heater, hot showers, the decreased ability to wake up in the morning, dry skin, chapped lips, thick jackets, and the cultivation of hair on my legs which will be cleverly concealed under jeans. Ah, winter - you complete me.

Thanks for all the feedback about my style of blogging on the last blog post. Thanks so much for all your flattering comments (my ego is literally the size of Saturn right now). Thanks to the special someone that texted me saying "I'm having a-MAY-zing withdrawals. Please blog soon because I'm going cold turkey. Is there a quit line number somewhere?". You made my week - literally.

Not forgetting someone who sent me a text asking if I had died because I stated on my last blog post that I was only meant to be on a two week hiatus. Well, fooled you.


On a side note, I used to dismiss people who listed "sleeping" as their hobby - idiots, and I prided myself on being a morning person but that was 5 years ago, when my bed time was 9p.m. I don't know what changed but life is now infinitely better asleep. Dreams are better than reality. I don't know about you, but I'm sure driving a silver car with silver wings beats commuting to university any day. And of course, nothing beats the embrace of warm bedsheets.

I'm probably just salivating all over sleep right now because I'm currently lack of sleep. So, I guess I should go catch up on some z's before this blog post becomes an essay on the legalization of general anesthesia and unconsciousness via hitting people over the head with a crowbar, because sleeping is better than being awake.

I'll be back soon so keep your eyes peeled... like an orange.

'CYAHHHH LATER HOMIES'