Right now, I'm looking into my future and what I see is a big scary unknown. I use to look forward to the future with so much excitement and joy, but now, my outlook is no longer the same. I look at it with some kind of dread, not knowing what lies ahead. It frightens me that I'm faced with this dilemma where I have to make a decision that is going to affect a big part of my life.

It's common knowledge that letting go is always tough and it's going to hurt when you eventually do. At this point, I haven't let go and yet I am already hurting. I am hurting because the very thought of eventually letting go, hurts me.

I've learnt that every single person who I've spoken to over the past few days had a turning point in their life where they made a clear, specific, unequivocal decision that they were not going to live the way they did anymore. Some people make that decision at 15 and some people make it at 50 and most, never make it at all.

I know for a fact that I'm going to continue to feel the same way until I make a stand and put a stop to it. I know I am so childish, and that the thought of not having something is going to make me want it so much more. But, I also know it's the right decision.

But when? When will I finally be ready and willing to let go? I thought that I grew up already somewhere along the way but I've learnt that it's through trials that really shows your true maturity - and perhaps, I'm still not quite there yet.

I feel like I've done so many wrong things in my life that I can't undo. I've trusted friends who I should never have trusted. And, I know that I have no one to blame but myself for the outcome of it. It was my choice, my decision.. so I got to accept the consequences of my actions.

Currently, I am torn between wanting things and letting them go. I am torn between mourning over what I have lost and rejoicing over what I have left -- over what I've had all along but have taken for granted all this while.

I really wanted a perfect ending. But, now I've learnt it the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Now, I don't know how to end this. I guess it ends here then.