Excuse my entry title for I was in lack of a good one. Then again, when have I ever had a good title? I'm gonna start this post about the ongoing fasting. It's taken me a while to openly talk about this but being a catholic, I should be fasting and giving up on something during this fasting season but to be honest, I've given up nothing. I'm a little ashamed for talking about this, especially since I'm probably making this a public entry.

I think the thought of giving up on 'something' intimidated me just thinking about it and because of my superficial priorities I kinda brushed the whole 'fasting' thing off my shoulder. I don't even know why, but I chickened out. I'd hate to admit this but I figure that it's true: I am a chicken. I know that I called myself a cow(ard) a while back. But most importantly, we all know that I'm a confuse and indecisive child.

Lately, my actions have been the opposite of everything I've been saying I believe in. I've gone back to certain old bad habits (e.g. swearing), and although I keep saying that maybe I should allow myself to fall apart just a bit so that after all this, I can get back to being that supposedly growing Catholic... But honestly, all that is left in me is the fear that I might not be able to go back so easily as I thought I could.

I've realized that there are many clever traps Satan has prepared for us, and the scary part is that most of these traps aren't as harmful as we expect them to be. You think he'll lure us in by making his trap look so vicious and wrong? Wrong! Of course he'll make it seem pretty somehow, or if not, "completely normal" so we'll give in so easily! Perhaps, it could be just allowing our human heart or human rationality to take over us for one moment. But the next, it could be our soul that's being taken over by God's very own enemy.

So I say, watch out!

I've made some mistakes recently, and I've been struggling to pick myself up and get back to where it feels best, being on God's side of the fence and working towards doing God's will. Whatever his plans are for me, time will only tell. God knows that my heart is still not fully where it's supposed to be. I have my moments when I really want to give up(?) But I also know that God is really patient with me and has shown his love for me by giving me great and awesome mentors to help me get through my spiritual journey and lead me away from the wrong path and guide me in the right direction to becoming a better person.

I'm gonna keep running forward despite the setbacks I've made and will probably make in the future, because there's no stopping now. I know that God will take care of me no matter what, and that's all I need to know.