Hello Netizens! I know it's been ages since I've blogged about 'life' in general but to sum up my life sans blog in exactly three words: It's getting better. But now that it's the Easter study break, I can spend my time doing things I haven't done in a while like... *abrupt silence* Well, I haven't done anything different from the normal routine though recently, my ovaries exploded after I came across a pair of size 2 baby sneakers and for the next 2 minutes, the only thing that came out of my mouth was: (insert "awws" here).

I've never really given child rearing much thought but I am now convinced it's God's will for me to make lots of mini May Rodrick Fierze and equip them each with a pair of size 2 baby sneakers.

Sometimes, we meet the most unbelievable crazy friends that we never knew could exist in our life. But sometimes, as time goes by, the path that once started off as innocence and fun has taken a change of road - a different path. A path that we swore to ourselves that we would never take a step across. The road that we vowed we would never walk.

And when this happens, we find ourselves becoming... strangers again.



Stage 1: Meeting

Stage 1 is basically the stage where all friendships begins. A simple 'hi' to an unfamiliar face, not aware that one day, they would become one of the most important people in your life.

Stage 2: The Chase

This is the stage where you 'click' with them to a point where you love their company, you loved every single minute you're around them and basically, they are your number 1 priority. All you wanna do in your spare time is hang out with them. It doesn't matter how boring and simple the plan is, as long as the company is there - you're probably all set.


Stage 3: Honeymoon

This is the time where you fully express your affection to each other and you pretty much want to do everything together. By the end of it all, you probably have bazillion pictures of each other on facebook and heaps of fond memories that will rush through your mind every time you think about each other. But eventually, the 'fire' starts to simmer down.

Stage 4: Comfortable

Being comfortable is not necessary bad, it's when we can truely be ourselves. But, it's what we do with that 'comfort' that makes all the difference. Some use it positively and work on it to grow together while others use it to create distance. That's when we start to take each other for granted or people that's been in our life for so long starts to change. The feelings aren't as 'strong' as before. This could happy over a few weeks, months, or even over a few years of friendship.



Stage 5: Tolerance

Someone that once played such a significant role is now playing a minor role in your life. You start to drift away from them. It's not that you don't realize it, you do - but you don't pay much attention to it or you don't do anything to fix that. It happens so gradually that you don't even notice it until you're on opposite ends of the spectrum. By then, you start to panic and you have no idea what to do.

This is the phase where you basically can't see eye-to-eye with them. Arguing and not understanding each other is one thing but feeling dissatisfied with the relationship is a bigger issue - it's another problem of it's own. At this point, you try to make changes and fix things. Right now, the friendship isn't bad but it isn't great either. And, let me tell you, that's never a good way to describe a relationship.

Stage 6: Downhill

Basically at Stage 6, there is not much time left once you're in this stage. Efforts to try and make things work just isn't worth it anymore because they don't seem to work. Problems continues, cold war starts.. and at times, you don't even know what caused this cold war, you just know that you're in a cold war that never seems to end. You want 'out' but you can't find the exit. Trapped.



Stage 7: Breaking up.

This is where you leave it on good mutual terms. This is when we start a new path, one that leads right back to where we first started. Strangers. Changes will be so drastic and so blunt. Distance will grow. Both will move on, and new friendships with other people will start to form. And even when we both get over the past and try to remain as friends, things will never be the same.

Our lives will continue on in different directions, things that we once shared will become fragment memories. All that would be left will be a box of random stuff from a faded period of time when that stranger was once one of the most important person in your life.



Whatever the reason may be...
The bottom line is that... somebody stops trying.

I think sometimes, we all need a little time out for a little calm and quiet. To slow down and take a look at the things around us. To step outside ourselves and get out of the normal routine that we seem to find ourselves in which we have gotten used to. A friend of mine recently told me that it's okay to be out of sync. It's alright for that occasional stutter, or more. It's perfectly fine to take some time out of your comfort zone, stray away from known territory into unfamiliar territory, explore -as long as you just remember the way back to the people who loves you.

I guess the only thing we can know about life is that it's bound to come with it's ups and downs. It's never gonna be constant, it's never gonna reach our ideal state of equilibrium, unless we think it so.

We can climb the highest mountain, only to find greater and newer heights beyond that; we can get to the lowest low, only to realize that there is always something else that will match or further it. Sometimes we set ourselves a goal to reach the highest point, we strive to keep ourselves there, to maintain our place, only to realize the futility of our efforts; at the lowest point, we fight and struggle to pull ourselves out only to find the dawn of a brand new day after a good night's sleep.

Life takes us places, and when you can scale the greatest heights, you can also fall to the deepest depths. But, I guess sometimes we need to be reminded by others that everything will be fine. Sure, the world out there can be harsh and moving at a pace that is sometimes a little too fast for us to cope, the waters may be too turbulent for our liking, and at times everything seems to be spinning at god-speed. But, I guess we just got to learn to ride it, and know that we are going to come out of it stronger than we first began.

I use to think that we should always be ready for the next high or the next low but if there's something new that I've learnt in the past few weeks, we don’t always have to be ready and prepared for whatever is coming at us. We can always get out of the routine, that monotone, that comfort zone, that solid ground and learn to tread on water, push some boundaries, go beyond. Push a few buttons that we've never thought of pushing before. Do something completely different from the usual change. It's only when we take a leap and explore do we notice the difference from being in unfamiliar territory to familiar territory.

Maybe in sync and out of sync are not so mutually exclusive after all.

Direction need not always be forward or right; a retreat can be a form of advancement

Excuse my entry title for I was in lack of a good one. Then again, when have I ever had a good title? I'm gonna start this post about the ongoing fasting. It's taken me a while to openly talk about this but being a catholic, I should be fasting and giving up on something during this fasting season but to be honest, I've given up nothing. I'm a little ashamed for talking about this, especially since I'm probably making this a public entry.

I think the thought of giving up on 'something' intimidated me just thinking about it and because of my superficial priorities I kinda brushed the whole 'fasting' thing off my shoulder. I don't even know why, but I chickened out. I'd hate to admit this but I figure that it's true: I am a chicken. I know that I called myself a cow(ard) a while back. But most importantly, we all know that I'm a confuse and indecisive child.

Lately, my actions have been the opposite of everything I've been saying I believe in. I've gone back to certain old bad habits (e.g. swearing), and although I keep saying that maybe I should allow myself to fall apart just a bit so that after all this, I can get back to being that supposedly growing Catholic... But honestly, all that is left in me is the fear that I might not be able to go back so easily as I thought I could.

I've realized that there are many clever traps Satan has prepared for us, and the scary part is that most of these traps aren't as harmful as we expect them to be. You think he'll lure us in by making his trap look so vicious and wrong? Wrong! Of course he'll make it seem pretty somehow, or if not, "completely normal" so we'll give in so easily! Perhaps, it could be just allowing our human heart or human rationality to take over us for one moment. But the next, it could be our soul that's being taken over by God's very own enemy.

So I say, watch out!

I've made some mistakes recently, and I've been struggling to pick myself up and get back to where it feels best, being on God's side of the fence and working towards doing God's will. Whatever his plans are for me, time will only tell. God knows that my heart is still not fully where it's supposed to be. I have my moments when I really want to give up(?) But I also know that God is really patient with me and has shown his love for me by giving me great and awesome mentors to help me get through my spiritual journey and lead me away from the wrong path and guide me in the right direction to becoming a better person.

I'm gonna keep running forward despite the setbacks I've made and will probably make in the future, because there's no stopping now. I know that God will take care of me no matter what, and that's all I need to know.

It is so easy to succumb to temptations. I want to fight any temptations that come along, no. not fight, but FLEE. Because I know I am not strong enough to fight them.