So.. yesterday, quite a lot of things happened in 24 hours. But basically, the 2 major things that really affected my mood and basically flipped my mood 180 degrees was that I lost my wallet and I failed in being obedient to the Lord. I've never been so disappointed in myself for being disobedient. All my consecutive obedient days now seems to count for nothing. nothing at all. *face palm*

Because of the 2 major things, I've changed into a very grumpy and annoyed person. When I'm annoyed, no one should ever think about coming in my way or obstructing my path. If your wise, don't talk to me. If your really smart, avoid me. Avoid me at all cost. Run if you must. Run as fast and as far away as you can.

If you do manage to piss me off, I will impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. I'll be forced to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns.



No.

I'll let you go. I'll let you run. I'll let you run as far as you can. And you'll begin your life leaving in fear, knowing that when you least expect it the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you. And as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life you will regret the day you crossed the wrong person.

If all else fails. I'll probably still be able to make you change lanes on the highway every time you drive like you're trying to get away from me. And you'll relish keeping your head on a swivel and cranking the wheel as you gas it.

In other words, I'll show you how is it like dancing with the Devil.

No. I take it back.

Reflecting on my actions from yesterday, it dawned on me how immature of a Catholic I still am. Even though I thought I knew a lot already, my actions often fail to mirror what I know. I've always had a problem with consistency and obedience to the Lord, and at this point, I don't know if I'll ever achieve that (I'm being really general here). But maybe it's just that I'm continually being drawn to the 'wicked ways of the world'.

Obviously, I'm scared. I'm scared of missing out on fun--one that's defined to me by the world. And that goes for my superficial priorities - materialism, my unhealthy habits, pursuing love and wanting it to always be magical even if it goes against what God wants for me. These things are what's constantly pulling me back from doing the right things. And although I don't always let them win me over, I know I'm nowhere near victory.

I don't really know, what I'm talking about here. I know that God is truly bigger than who I am. Compared to Him, I am just like an ant. I know that the right way is to obey and just keep obeying, until things are made clear to me by God. Sadly, though, I'm lacking the drive to just obey, especially when I'm still part of this world who are driven by their own superficial priorities.

Being obedient was harder than I ever fathom it would be.
I feel like I'm battling this alone - and losing.

To anyone who reads this, will you pray for me?