Haus of Fierze ™

Bought the tickets? Take the ride.

2011-07-22T04:00:00.004+08:00

It's a new dawn.

It's a new day.

It's a new story.

It's a new chapter.

It's a new page.

It's a new life.

I knew her back then™

2011-07-21T22:17:00.005+08:00

She was just a simply young girl - mischievous, loud and carefree. Even though she never really had any friends, and no one really cared or bothered to get to know her, it never bothered her because she was independent. She didn't need anyone. She didn't mind being alone. Even though she was bullied and mocked in school, she always remembered what her mother once told her, "sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you". That was her motto.

Troubles came, but it soon passed because it was nothing she could not handle. Life wasn't perfect, but there wasn't much to complain. Life went on and no matter what trials she faced, she would always pick herself up. No matter what abusive words people would hurled at her, she would never let it affect her because she knew someone up there, loved her for who she was. And for her, that was enough.

But somewhere down the road of Life, she got lost. She went down the wrong path and started wandering through the city walls alone. Fortunately for her, someone came and picked her up, cleaned her and gave her another chance. It was that someone who made her realize that the bright light that came in when she was in the dark, was not to blind her, but to show her the way.

She learned to love, trust and finally opened herself up entirely to that person. He became so protective of her that she started to become protective of herself. She started to feel like someone of 'value'. And in turn, she wanted to be there for that person because he was the only one that treated her as a someone when society treated her as a no one. However, even though he was there for her, he didn't want to burden her with his problems. In the end, he chose to leave.

She could live without that someone and forget him. But she chose not to forget him, because she knew that she wouldn't be the person she was now if it wasn't for that someone. He could have left her when he found her on the ground. But, he picked her up, dusted her off and made sure she was standing on her own two feet before he left.

Life is no different from a book. Season change, people come and go. Whether they're just a chapter in your life, or whether they stayed till the end, nobody really knows. But if there was one thing she was sure of, she wanted him to stay till the end. She wanted him to be there when she got married because to her, he was a part of her family.

The story doesn't go any further than this.

We can predict our future as much as we want, but there is no guaranteed promise that our future is going to be the outcome we planned in our mind. At some point we'll feel pain, and there'll be tears. But, like I said in my last post - people come and people go.

Friends who once held great promise of an everlasting friendship might not necessarily make it into the next chapter of your life. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth and their glow, but you can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever.

That girl in the story who was so independent, I knew her back then.

Vault™

2011-07-20T23:46:00.004+08:00

For a while now, I've been wondering to myself if I am a good friend. Perhaps my own definition of being a 'good friend' is somewhat skewed to the status quo. I can't help but continuously ask myself, 'Am I not good enough?'. Yet at the same time, it is not my insecurity talking, it is simply a question that remains unasked.

I've tried in my own clumsy ways, to be what I could. But no matter what I did, I was always under the impression that my efforts seemed to go unnoticed. I don't feel betrayed, because I don't think I have the right to feel that way. We just found ourselves on different wavelengths, it was inevitable.

Surprisingly - it doesn't hurt anymore. It seems that I've already grown accustomed to the pain. Maybe I've already started to move on, without knowing? However, I got to admit, I do feel a certain sadness watching the bitter smoke unfurling from the extinguished lantern. A lantern that once held great promise.

I accept that perhaps our paths were meant to cross but never entwine.

Quoted by an "old friend".

I still care, and always will.

Once your in my heart, your there forever.

I'm utterly disgusting.

2011-07-14T19:51:00.007+08:00

I don't know what's more disgusting...

a) the fact that I went to bed at 12a.m and set my alarm clock at 3a.m to study

b) I convinced myself at 3AM that sleep was more important than study.
c) or the fact that I woke up at 3p.m in the afternoon

You're right, I'm utterly disgusting!

I'm probably the most unproductive person you'll meet within a fifteen kilometre radius and I'm not particularly proud of it. I like to see myself as a person that needs AT LEAST 12 hours of sleep. If I wake up before I had my 12 hours of sleep, I tend to start my day being moody. Some people tells me I'm unhealthy when they find out I sleep an average of 12 hours on a daily basis but I call them jealous. Because.. who doesn't love sleep?

So, currently.. I'm on the verge of failing a course at uni because I'm really great and I never really bother to attend any of the 'help' session they offered during the semester. I have a supplementary exam tomorrow morning and I can feel the stress level crawling up my neck. It doesn't help that I'm currently having a pounding headache that feels like tiny gnomes inside my head mining for gold.

I've been studying the whole day (ever since 3p.m) in my PJ's in the comfort of my messy room which currently looks it's been robbed. Right now, I'm kinda regretting the amount of chocolate that has passed through the gates of my teeth today because we all know who just might be getting more pimples tomorrow.

I apologise for the lack of quality in my posts (Quality? In your posts, May? Good joke). I feel like the quality of my posts and my writing has steadily decreased exponentially (not that I'm ever revisiting the nightmare that is maths) but, it's partially because I'm stressed.

I know, it seems like all I do on this blog is throw pieces of nonsensical writing on your browser but if your reading this, I'm guessing I must be entertaining you in some way or another. I'm guessing, this 'space' is probably a place where you come when you've exhausted all other procrastination revenues, kinda like a last resort.

You know, you love me.

Anyways, it's probably wise if I return to studying.

Wish me luck guys! (I'm going to need it)

I've been feeling down in the dumps.

2011-07-08T14:14:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling really out of touch lately, ergo me crawling into a shell of inactivity as far as blogging goes. Ever since my last blog post which was a little over 2 weeks ago, I've been feeling down in the dumps. Like, as in thirty metres down-in-the-dumps amongst all the clutter and non-biodegradable plastic bags.

I've been feeling Blaaaah. My thoughts have also been blah. I felt torn almost everyday and I've started to lose interest in a lot of things. To be honest, I was angry with God. I kept going through trials after trials & they never seem to be ending. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to deal with it all by myself. What's worst was that... I couldn't even get what I wanted. So, I began to think to myself: Why am I going through all these trials when God doesn't seem to care about what I want?

I was so mad & frustrated that it actually came to a point where I was fuming which such rage that I refuse to read my bible or even say my prayers. I even broke down at youth during praise and worship because.. I felt so distant from God. And of course, the last thing I wanted to do was blog about it for 900 people to read and know that I was angry with God.

But God is good. And, I'm not saying that because He gave me what I wanted in the end -- because He didn't. And it hurt. Of course it hurt. But, I realize that even the greatest people in the Bible didn't have a smooth-sailing life either. With them, however, the tragedy wasn't just in not getting what they hoped for, but more often than not, it was something much worse.

For instance, we have Daniel who had his share of lions in the den, Joseph who was betrayed by his own brothers, and Jonah who got swallowed up by a whale. And, of course.. there's Jesus who died for our sins.

These are some of the most significant historical figures that ever lived, and they obviously weren't always happy. Where's the good news, you might ask? My answer is, their stories didn't end there just yet, and I think that was what made all the differences. When Jesus died, his story was not over because He died for a reason, which required him to rise again from the grave three days later. And in doing so, was able to fulfill the very task that God assigned him. And because of that -- because Jesus fought the good fight, we've found freedom and all the hope to live on.

So I refuse to believe that God is the kind of God who allows people to end up in a den full of lions or inside the stomach of a whale for no good reason. We may not know His reason for it at the time -- which is why it's just so hard to trust God, right? -- but if there's another thing that I am learning, it's that the only way we're ever going to have a chance at finding out God's purpose for our shattered dreams is through these two steps:

First, put your trust in who God is, because He is good. And by trusting in His goodness, we are made secure in His promise that He makes all things -- both the good and the bad -- work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28)

Second, because we already know that He can use anything and everything for our good, we have to realize that how we respond to every disappointment, to every failure, to every earth shattering event in our lives matters so much more than we are able to imagine at the moment.

I don't think we're ever going to be the kind of people God dreams for us to be until we realize -- and may I quote Pete Wilson on this -- "He cares more about who we're becoming than where we're going or what we're achieving". In other words, God will always care more about our character than our personal comfort or happiness. And I guess for many like me, our stubborn clinging to comfort and happiness could just be what is holding us back from the best that God has called us to. Because a lot of times, and I think, this might just apply to just about everything, the best things are the ones worth striving for, suffering for and changing for.

But, now that it's over.. and for the sake of being cooler. Let's just pretend I wasn't dealing with teenage angst and that I flew out of earth and befriended some aliens instead. Yep, I've most definitely got swag. But, to end this blog post, to everyone reading this... just know that it's perfectly fine to be angry with God because truth be told, God.. can handle it.

So, no matter what trials anyone is facing...

Hold on, and have a little faith.

Every story has an ending...

2011-06-23T23:02:00.003+08:00

Right now, I'm looking into my future and what I see is a big scary unknown. I use to look forward to the future with so much excitement and joy, but now, my outlook is no longer the same. I look at it with some kind of dread, not knowing what lies ahead. It frightens me that I'm faced with this dilemma where I have to make a decision that is going to affect a big part of my life.

It's common knowledge that letting go is always tough and it's going to hurt when you eventually do. At this point, I haven't let go and yet I am already hurting. I am hurting because the very thought of eventually letting go, hurts me.

I've learnt that every single person who I've spoken to over the past few days had a turning point in their life where they made a clear, specific, unequivocal decision that they were not going to live the way they did anymore. Some people make that decision at 15 and some people make it at 50 and most, never make it at all.

I know for a fact that I'm going to continue to feel the same way until I make a stand and put a stop to it. I know I am so childish, and that the thought of not having something is going to make me want it so much more. But, I also know it's the right decision.

But when? When will I finally be ready and willing to let go? I thought that I grew up already somewhere along the way but I've learnt that it's through trials that really shows your true maturity - and perhaps, I'm still not quite there yet.

I feel like I've done so many wrong things in my life that I can't undo. I've trusted friends who I should never have trusted. And, I know that I have no one to blame but myself for the outcome of it. It was my choice, my decision.. so I got to accept the consequences of my actions.

Currently, I am torn between wanting things and letting them go. I am torn between mourning over what I have lost and rejoicing over what I have left -- over what I've had all along but have taken for granted all this while.

I really wanted a perfect ending. But, now I've learnt it the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Now, I don't know how to end this. I guess it ends here then.

Thank you M.A.D for being so patient, supportive and for never failing to encourage me.

God's precious gifts.

2011-06-16T16:25:00.004+08:00

There are going to be times where the road is gonna be difficult and there are times we are gonna feel lonely. Sometimes, we may even become discouraged to read our bible. I guess it is during such times that God will lend us a 'helping hand' by placing a friend alongside us.

One of God's most precious gifts that he has given to each one of us is to have friends, mentors and youth leaders who never fails to encourage and lovingly challenge us to keep the fire of Christ burning deep inside our hearts.

According to the Scripture, a friend is one who challenges you to become all that God has intended for you. Jonathan could have succeeded his father to become the next king of Israel. But, he loved his friend David and he encouraged him to follow God’s Will, even though it meant Jonathan could forfeit his own claim to the throne (1 Samuel 19:1-7).

The mark of biblical friends is that their friendship draws you closer to Christ. They “sharpen” and motivate you to do what is right. True friends tell you the truth and even risk hurting your feelings because they love you and have your best interests at heart. (Proverbs 27:6).

So, be receptive to the way God uses friends to help you become spiritually mature. Personally, I want to strive to be the kind of friend that helps others become more like Christ.

Thinking about it, I could never give my hand to the person whose heart is not in Christ. I know it seems like such a high standard but I am learning, with much rebuke and love, that it is supposed to be that way. We are meant to be loved with that height and that depth because we were all bought at such a high cost, that being the blood of the Son of God.

I used to allow the world to make me feel like I was silly, weird and crazy for not bending the rules a bit or compromising my standards but the love of Christ compels me to make a stand for myself and not apologize for who I am: the precious daughter of God.

I know so well what it is like to be without Christ, and though some people could do a pretty good job at pretending there is no ache in the soul without Him, I cannot.

Maybe, my thinking will change over time, but for now.. I don't think I want to spend the rest of my future building a life with someone who does not recognize that. I want to be with a sinner who also knows the beautiful amazing saving grace of a Savior. I want to strive to grow in love with an imperfect person who is slowly being transformed; who is a work in progress simply because God was given room in their life.

God is the only one capable of stilling the wars that wage deep in my heart. He is my source of peace, joy and great hope. I intend to be eternally grateful to him. Because no matter how jaded, cynical or broken we think we may be, I know that God sees us. And I know that He desires that we find Him, and through that, find the person who will shower us with the kind of love that can only come from its Creator; someone that inspires us to grow and change the world.

To me, as long as Jesus is one of your MANY options, he is NOT an option. As long as you can carry your burdens alone, you don’t need a burden bearer. As long as your situation brings you no grief, you will receive no comfort. And, as long as you have a choice to take him or leave him, you might as well leave him, because he won’t be taken halfheartedly.

I pray that you, whoever you are that is reading this blog, will get to know His amazing love, too, and be made complete in Him.

Public transport can be stressful

2011-06-13T11:36:00.002+08:00

It's currently 11:03AM in the morning and I'm wide awake. Now, this should seemed normal unless your someone that has been known to most of her friends for sleeping in till 2p.m in the afternoon. Then, that's something worth blogging about. I mean, it's a big achievement. In fact, believe it or not, I've been awake since 8:20AM and even I am amazed at myself.

I really think I deserve a pat on the back!

For the first time in my life, I was so tempted to go through my phone contacts and ring up my friends to announce to them that I've been awake since 8:20AM but I don't think they will appreciate my early phone call so I guess it's best if I just blog about the most random thing currently in my mind that is probably not worth reading... unless you have exhausted all other procrastinating avenues and your last resort is to read May's blog. *shrugs*

I've realized that when faced with a crowd of commuters, it's easy to choke. It's also really easy to be one of those commuters, directing all the collective anger in your body towards whichever person is being frustratingly slow while purchasing a train ticket at the ticket machine. You concentrate all the hate and disappointment that you can harness in your body and unleash it upon that person with such silent fury that if dinosaurs were still alive, they would cry.

But once you get to the front of the line...

It's easy to forget the alphabet. Aarkville? Ardaville? You're half asleep and your confused little brain tells you that it must be at the end of the options, where Ying Yang and Zig Zag are. Of course! It's easy to suddenly lose the ability to direct enough force into your index finger, causing your selection not to be registered by the machine. Why? Simply because you didn't press it hard enough.

Hysterical and close to tears, you wish the machine was dead. You wish death upon the machine's entire family members. Frantically, you jam your finger into the little metal circle, more determined than you've ever been in your life. May, just get a grip on yourself! But it's okay. It's easy to mistaken your eighteen years of age as 'pensioner' as you watch your fingers press the 'cancel' button to begin all over again.

The annoyance of the people in line behind you searing skulls into the back of your head. And it is really easy to do it all again, get your selections right and then suddenly spill all your coins amongst the feet of the very people waiting in line behind you who could use those same feet to stomp the sense out of your face.

I don't know why public transport creates incredible amounts of tension amongst commuters but I kind of take pride in the fact that I can scan my smart rider, do a semi-retarded dougie dance and pass through the gate even before it closes on the person before me.

My self-worth is based on how fast I can buy a ticket at the ticket machine, looking back as I walk off to check if anyone has seen what a good little commuter I am. I don't even know why this should even matter. But it matters... to me anyways.

EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY DONE! throws confetti in the air

2011-06-09T16:35:00.003+08:00

Hello all dedicated readers, followers, trolls, creepers and lurkers. After nearly 1 month of solid hibernation, I am officially back!

Sorry for my absence on this blog (SIF, anyone cares.), The exams has pretty much finished for me this semester and this was what I did to my last exam paper when I completed it...

I think I've aged heaps while I've been on exam hiatus. It seems like a thousand years have passed because so much has happened. Since then, I have aged a few hundred million years and have now grown a mustache and a beard long enough to rival Dumbledore.

I'm here to update you guys on what's been happening in my 2 weeks of absence from the blogging world. I attempted to study for exams (note: attempted) though that didn't end up going so well because we all know my attention span is practically non-existent!. I ended up spending copious amount of time, refreshing my twitter and facebook news feed till I was pretty convinced my index finger was gonna fall off any minute from the excessive use of it.

I'm glad that my exams are over now. They raped me so badly, I think even typing the word 'exams' sends shivers down my spine. On a brighter note, for the rest of this holiday, I plan on filling my days up with copious amounts of 'chilling'.

I'm planning to be so freakin' chilled and relax that the saliva in my mouth would most probably solidify into ice and block my airways which will probably cause death by asphyxiation. That's right. You heard correctly, I'm planning my own death this holidays. *inserts scary audio*

And, I'm officially rambling...

Winter's approaching and the temperature is dropping. I guess this means the storage of swim wear, the air conditioner, singlet tops, ice blocks and hair removal. It also means the reintroduction of my love affair with the heater, hot showers, the decreased ability to wake up in the morning, dry skin, chapped lips, thick jackets, and the cultivation of hair on my legs which will be cleverly concealed under jeans. Ah, winter - you complete me.

Thanks for all the feedback about my style of blogging on the last blog post. Thanks so much for all your flattering comments (my ego is literally the size of Saturn right now). Thanks to the special someone that texted me saying "I'm having a-MAY-zing withdrawals. Please blog soon because I'm going cold turkey. Is there a quit line number somewhere?". You made my week - literally.

Not forgetting someone who sent me a text asking if I had died because I stated on my last blog post that I was only meant to be on a two week hiatus. Well, fooled you.

On a side note, I used to dismiss people who listed "sleeping" as their hobby - idiots, and I prided myself on being a morning person but that was 5 years ago, when my bed time was 9p.m. I don't know what changed but life is now infinitely better asleep. Dreams are better than reality. I don't know about you, but I'm sure driving a silver car with silver wings beats commuting to university any day. And of course, nothing beats the embrace of warm bedsheets.

I'm probably just salivating all over sleep right now because I'm currently lack of sleep. So, I guess I should go catch up on some z's before this blog post becomes an essay on the legalization of general anesthesia and unconsciousness via hitting people over the head with a crowbar, because sleeping is better than being awake.

I'll be back soon so keep your eyes peeled... like an orange.

'CYAHHHH LATER HOMIES'

I feel like zksanfanjsak!!!!

2011-05-16T19:57:00.005+08:00

Right now, I'm feeling like zksanfanjsak. In case you don't speak fluent smacking forehead on the keyboard, that translates roughly to "So freaking screwed for my exams, it's not even funny".

Procrastination: 1, May: 0

It finally sinked into my brain today that exams are 2 weeks away and I've got so much to study; it's a joke. Right now, I feel like the whole world is continuously moving but I'm just standing still. It's not that I don't know what to do, but I've just realized that there is TOO much to do. Right now, my pulse is racing like a mad horse and I'm pretty sure it's because of the creeping possibility of failure staring straight into my eyes.

I AM SO STRESSED RIGHT NOW THINKING ABOUT MY STUDIES THAT I'M GETTING MIGRAINES THAT LITERALLY GO UP TO MY NECK.

If I fail my exams, there is a high possibility I'll be employed as a professional sea sponge or even a block of cheese. When I joked around a few months ago and wrote on my blog "Future career: Wouldn't mind being a professional sea sponge or even a block of cheese" - I didn't realize it would one day mutate from words on a blog post to a sort of weird reality.

I'm seriously not kidding when I say that I'm dangerously behind on my studying. They don't call me the Crammer Extraordinaire for nothing. So, as from today, I'm going to remove myself from all forms of telecommunication. You can reach me by sending a messenger pigeon or by casting out a message in a bottle. Do not expect any immediate replies, though.

Yes, this does mean a hiatus for two weeks, but I shall see you all on the flip side!

Now, back to churning out economic notes like I've got literary dysentery.

Hillsongs One Day Perth Conference 2011

2011-05-14T01:55:00.018+08:00

On the 12th of May, I attended the Hillsongs One Day Perth Conference. I remember walking into the challenge stadium and immediately being overwhelmed by the crowd. Just seeing the amount of people gathered there was enough to make my jaw to drop - literally. The amount of times my jaw dropped the whole time I was there, was enough for me to wonder if I was going home, jawless. (Yes, I'm so lame.)

So there I was, standing with GMC'ers amidst a huge, huge crowd of people singing their hearts out to God. And although there were times my lips barely moved, I really felt my heart being moved. For the first time in a really, really long time, I felt like everyone under the same roof were family to me even though most of the people there were just strangers.

If it wasn't from Sharon who generously 'gave up' her ticket to me, I would never have gotten the opportunity to be a part of this powerful praise and worship and words can't describe how truely grateful I am! Thank you.

Unfortunately, even with a 10.1 mega pixels camera, I had a hard time trying to take clear shots with my camera. As you are about to see in the following pictures, my self worth as a photographer is only as good as the quality of the pictures I'm about to show in this blog post - which will give you the impression that I took all this pictures using a 2 megapixel camera. That's how bad it is. 'Nuff said.

My recording of the hillsongs performance were so bad that when I played the video I recorded on my camera, I couldn't even hear them singing. It was terrible. In the end, I had to resort to typing 'hillsongs conference perth' on youtube so that I could actually put up videos of the performance on my blog. Shame.

Here's 2 videos of the perth performance that I found on youtube.

'your name high' by hillsongs.

We ended the a-MAY-zing night with 'one way'...

It was truely an awesome night!

It's now 3:33a.m, I'm off to bed.

No questions asked.

2011-05-09T17:57:00.006+08:00

01001010 01100101 01100001 01101100 01101111 01110101 01110011

01000001 00100000 01100110 01100101 01100101 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110011 01100011 01110010 01101001 01100010 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110010 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01100100 01110011 00101110

01001001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110011 01100011 01110010 01101001 01100010 01100001 01100010 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100110 01100101 01100101 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110

That is all.

God's love letter to you ♥

2011-05-05T20:21:00.005+08:00

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you (Psalm 139.1)
I know when you sit down and when you rise up (Psalm 139.2)
I am familiar with all your ways (Psalm 139.3)
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered (Matthew 10.29-31)
For you were made in my image (Genesis 1.27)
In me you live and move and have your being (Acts 17.28)
For you are my offspring (Acts 17.28)
I knew you even before you were conceived Jeremiah (1.4-5)

I chose you when I planned creation (Ephesians 1.11-12)
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book (Psalm 139.15-16)
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live (Acts 17.26)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139.14)
I knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139.13)
And brought you forth on the day you were born (Psalm 71.6)

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me (John 8.41-44)
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love (1 John 4.16)
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you (1 John 3.1)
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father (1 John 3.1)
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could (Matthew 7.11)
For I am the perfect father (Matthew 5.48)

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand (James 1.17)
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs (Matthew 6.31-33)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29.11)
Because I love you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31.3)
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore… (Psalms 139.17-18)

And I rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3.17)|
I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32.40)
For you are my treasured possession (Exodus 19.5)
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul (Jeremiah 32.41)
And I want to show you great and marvellous things (Jeremiah 33.3)

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me (Deuteronomy 4.29)
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37.4)
For it is I who gave you those desires (Philippians 2.13)
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine (Ephesians 3.20)
For I am your greatest encourager (2 Thessalonians 2.16-17)
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles (2 Corinthians 1.3-4)
When you are broken-hearted, I am close to you (Psalm 34.18)

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart (Isaiah 40.11)
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes (Revelation 21.3-4)
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth (Revelation 21.3-4)
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus (John 17.23)

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed (John 17.26)
He is the exact representation of my being (Hebrews 1.3)
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you (Romans 8.31)
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you (1 John 4.10)

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love (Romans 8.31-32)
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me (1 John 2.23)
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again (Romans 8.38-39)

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen (Luke 15.7)
I have always been Father, and will always be Father (Ephesians 3.14-15)

My question is “Will you be my child?” (John 1.12-13)

I am waiting for you (Luke 15.11-32)

Love, Your Dad.

Almighty God
(none of this was written by me!)

Colossians 3:23 - Who is our main master? God or Man?

2011-05-03T02:34:00.005+08:00

COLOSSIANS 3:23

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as though you were working for the Lord and not for people."

I've known about this verse for very long, and although I knew it's important to take note of it and apply in our daily lives, I realize now that perhaps I may not have fully grasped the true meaning of it. Perhaps, what it always only meant to me was that I should focus on pleasing God -- and not men. And although I think there's truly nothing wrong with that, I think I may have missed out on the rest of its implications.

For one, the verse says "whatever you do," which means that in every single thing we do, no matter how mundane or unrelated to God as it seems, we should work at it wholeheartedly for Him. But what about our hobbies, or the things we do out of leisure? Well, I still can't quite answer that. What I know, though, is that we should examine whether or not these hobbies work for or against our growth as followers of Christ. So, maybe each time we watch something or do something fun with our friends, we should always consider how it's going to affect ourselves in our walk with God, as well as whether or not it will be something that pleases or displeases Him.

Secondly, it says to "work at it with all your heart," which tells us to give whatever it is we're doing our best shot. We ought to do it by being the best version of ourselves through God's great help. There is nothing too small to be worked at with all our hearts. Even something as small as making a good sandwich, I believe, applies to this verse. Like it says in the bible, 1 Corinthians 6:19 - "Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God?". But, how do we fix ourselves a sandwich our best shot? For me, I think it's as simple as making it taste good but at the same time, healthy and not artery-clogging - nourish our body with what we eat and not trash it.

The verse ends with "as working for the Lord," which obviously means that we should do everything for the glory of God, right? But why is it that actually doing it seems so difficult once we're finally out there trying to do it? I think the answer is pretty simple: It’s because we have too many masters, instead of having just one, and that is God. But we’re such people pleasers, aren’t we? I think whether or not we admit it, we’re all bound to want to please ourselves or other people first before wanting to please God. Now that’s the hard/tricky part. Although I think it’s not absolutely wrong to want to please people, it becomes problematic to do so when we put others before God, or when we use the world’s standards first in measuring our success in the things we do before we use God’s.

I realize it all boils down to setting our priorities straight.

Who is our main master, really?
Who do we look to when it comes to what we do and how we do them?
And whom do we do them for?

Joyce Rodrick Fierze, this one is for you.

2011-05-02T01:28:00.003+08:00

Firstly, I'm going to be really honest and say that as I type up this blog post in the comfort of my own room, I'm not too comfortable blogging about my friendship with Joyce. In fact, If I had a choice right now, I wouldn't publish this post at all. Why?

To be honest, I'm not too sure about it myself but I just don't like talking about my friendship with Joyce to others. There are some friendships which holds a special place in my heart and I rather keep it personal and I guess, this is just one of them.

I guess you could say that when it comes to my relationship with Joyce, she is my sister from another mother. Our relationship is basically like any other ordinary siblings relationship. The way you get annoyed at your siblings is probably the same way we get annoyed at each other.

I'm pretty open to everyone about the funny things that happens to both of us when we are together but other than that, I tend to be pretty discrete about everything else. I guess to me, the way the MJ (May/Joyce) relationship works has always been kept like a secret behind close doors. It's not that I want to be secretive, but it's more like a topic that I rather not talk about UNLESS - you are really close to both of us. But even then, I don't really share much.

But, Joyce is very special to me and she changes my life just by being part of it. She makes me believe that there is really 'good' in the world. She walks in when the rest of the word walks out. There are times, she knows what I'm thinking or feeling and I don't need to say anything. Sometimes, we communicate through eye contact and make funny hand actions before one of us burst out laughing. We tend to whisper to each other instead of casually talking (like, we are speaking a different language from a different world ;D) and we have our moments where we randomly burst out laughing at the top of our lungs after attempting to communicate through facial expression.

I can spend the entire day doing nothing with Joyce and by the end of the day, make a million memories out of it. And most importantly, she brings out the best in me and makes me a better person just by being herself.

We've had our ups and downs and in this close to 2 years friendship, I've learnt a lot of things. I've learnt that sometimes, you just got to learn to give & take. You can't have everything your way, and compromising with each other is really important. I've learnt that even if you don't agree with each other, instead of arguing about the most pointless things, sometimes, you just got to shut up, and keep your opinions to yourself. Ego & pride counts for nothing when your measuring it to friendship.

Some of our mutual friends in JPYM sees me and Joyce as 'one' so I guess it wouldn't be wrong to say that sometimes, people do sees us as twins probably because we are always seen within a 5-10m radius of each other. If Joyce isn't standing with me, people usually proceeds to ask me, 'Where's Joyce?' and vice versa. Sometimes, I feel like I need to know the whereabouts of Joyce just in case people ask me. But sometimes, it's just annoying.

However, I think we both try & make a conscious effort not to be 'glued' to each other when we are hanging out as a group though, by the end of the day, we always find ourselves walking beside each other and gossiping(?) - *post ends abruptly*

I think we are both truely blessed by God to have such an awesome friendship.

When you are sad, I will dry your tears.
When you are scared, I will comfort you.
When you are worried, I will give you hope.
When you are confused, I will help you cope.
And when you are lost, and can't see the light.
Just know that I shall be your beacon, shining ever so bright.

This is my oath, I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask? Because your my friend.

Love you, ogly.

JFIERZE 2 takeover :)

2011-05-01T14:37:00.004+08:00

HERROOO - blog hacked by May's coolest sister

I should really be doing work but obviously i choose blogging over sciencee :):):)

So I've known Poops since she was born. We adopted her into our family cause we are cool like that. Always the odd one out, the most SIBUK person around! and always being bullied and leaving the MILO tin open. *gosh this girl never learns*

She is actually one of the most awesome person i know :) giving, caring, loving, annoying, talks a lot, loves singing, loves going out, loves m&m (yellow ones), loves sushi, loves coming into my room, loves watching me play the drums cause thats the time our eyes does all the talking etcc..

She loves bursting out in chinese songs (In an indian house) especially the MUNAYII song! even I know that song of by heart and I bet I can sing even better then the singer :)!

Like any other relationship, we have had our ups and dows but glad to say more ups than downs :) We can only last 1 week without talking to each other :) But its really funny how if May is present and Joyce is absent, everyone goes to May saying "Where's Joyce" or vice versa!!

And also how people come up to each one of us if they dont see us talking all concerned asking "What happened to you and Joyce?"

Do we really stick to each other so much? Do we really know each other that much? Well we ask ourselves this questions all the time :) Sometimes it seems that people know more about "Joyce and May's relationship then we do???!??!?

But thats cool:) What ever it is i no i can always count on this girl :)!

She is a-MAY-zing :)

and May dont go changing :) cause girl you are amazing - JUST THE WAY YOU ARE :)

Im not really a blogger so im going to go now :)!!bahahahhaaha :):):)!

always sealing it with a hug :)

We are the most ying yang person you'll ever meet :)

okay TATA BYEEEEE :)!!

peace out :)

Love yalll :

Size 2 baby sneakers (insert "awws" here)

2011-04-25T22:38:00.006+08:00

Hello Netizens! I know it's been ages since I've blogged about 'life' in general but to sum up my life sans blog in exactly three words: It's getting better. But now that it's the Easter study break, I can spend my time doing things I haven't done in a while like... *abrupt silence* Well, I haven't done anything different from the normal routine though recently, my ovaries exploded after I came across a pair of size 2 baby sneakers and for the next 2 minutes, the only thing that came out of my mouth was: (insert "awws" here).

I've never really given child rearing much thought but I am now convinced it's God's will for me to make lots of mini May Rodrick Fierze and equip them each with a pair of size 2 baby sneakers.

In all seriousness, I'd like to say thank you to my (remaining and somewhat dwindling) readers who have been a constant reader to my blog. You've all been incredibly supportive.

On a side note, it's been a while since I've answered questions so I've created another Formspring account (http://formspring.me/mayzhang) where you can ask me any question while remaining completely anonymous. If you like, you could even send me picture of yourself in a mankini. The possibilities are endless.

You can also send me your homework questions and I'll reply with incoherent gibberish because that is the sound of me banging my head repeatedly on the keyboard. Alright guys, bring on the questions!

http://formspring.me/mayzhang

7 stages of friendships.

2011-04-23T00:22:00.011+08:00

Sometimes, we meet the most unbelievable crazy friends that we never knew could exist in our life. But sometimes, as time goes by, the path that once started off as innocence and fun has taken a change of road - a different path. A path that we swore to ourselves that we would never take a step across. The road that we vowed we would never walk.

And when this happens, we find ourselves becoming... strangers again.

Stage 1: Meeting

Stage 1 is basically the stage where all friendships begins. A simple 'hi' to an unfamiliar face, not aware that one day, they would become one of the most important people in your life.

Stage 2: The Chase

This is the stage where you 'click' with them to a point where you love their company, you loved every single minute you're around them and basically, they are your number 1 priority. All you wanna do in your spare time is hang out with them. It doesn't matter how boring and simple the plan is, as long as the company is there - you're probably all set.

Stage 3: Honeymoon

This is the time where you fully express your affection to each other and you pretty much want to do everything together. By the end of it all, you probably have bazillion pictures of each other on facebook and heaps of fond memories that will rush through your mind every time you think about each other. But eventually, the 'fire' starts to simmer down.

Stage 4: Comfortable

Being comfortable is not necessary bad, it's when we can truely be ourselves. But, it's what we do with that 'comfort' that makes all the difference. Some use it positively and work on it to grow together while others use it to create distance. That's when we start to take each other for granted or people that's been in our life for so long starts to change. The feelings aren't as 'strong' as before. This could happy over a few weeks, months, or even over a few years of friendship.

Stage 5: Tolerance

Someone that once played such a significant role is now playing a minor role in your life. You start to drift away from them. It's not that you don't realize it, you do - but you don't pay much attention to it or you don't do anything to fix that. It happens so gradually that you don't even notice it until you're on opposite ends of the spectrum. By then, you start to panic and you have no idea what to do.

This is the phase where you basically can't see eye-to-eye with them. Arguing and not understanding each other is one thing but feeling dissatisfied with the relationship is a bigger issue - it's another problem of it's own. At this point, you try to make changes and fix things. Right now, the friendship isn't bad but it isn't great either. And, let me tell you, that's never a good way to describe a relationship.

Stage 6: Downhill

Basically at Stage 6, there is not much time left once you're in this stage. Efforts to try and make things work just isn't worth it anymore because they don't seem to work. Problems continues, cold war starts.. and at times, you don't even know what caused this cold war, you just know that you're in a cold war that never seems to end. You want 'out' but you can't find the exit. Trapped.

Stage 7: Breaking up.

This is where you leave it on good mutual terms. This is when we start a new path, one that leads right back to where we first started. Strangers. Changes will be so drastic and so blunt. Distance will grow. Both will move on, and new friendships with other people will start to form. And even when we both get over the past and try to remain as friends, things will never be the same.

Our lives will continue on in different directions, things that we once shared will become fragment memories. All that would be left will be a box of random stuff from a faded period of time when that stranger was once one of the most important person in your life.

Whatever the reason may be...
The bottom line is that... somebody stops trying.

If you love them, then don't stop trying.
I know I won't.

The reason why I blogged about the 7 stages of friendship was because I came across a video by Wongfu Production and after watching it, I realize that it was very similar to 'friendship'. The concepts were the same and basically, sometimes - we need to learn to break down that ego, we need to be humble, step down - and apologize.

Time for some humble pie.

2011-04-20T15:59:00.003+08:00

There are times in my life where I find myself a little deflated and winded. Usually, I try and not let my emotions rub on others but sometimes they do and sometimes, I lose all control over it. Sometimes, I find myself becoming so hot-tempered and temperamental that I end up finding myself unleashing my anger upon the next unlucky person that crosses my path.

Sometimes, even with such silent fury that it could make dinosaurs cry. I'm sure that if I was at the receiving end of such ferocity, I would be really hurt but it seems like I'm usually just the one dishing it out. I'm actually really ashamed talking about this which is why it's taken me a little over 2 weeks to blog about it.

Sometimes I get so annoyed at someone to a point where I stare at their skulls with such intensity that I feel like I have posesses the ability to blow someone's heads off with a blink of an eye. It's usually when this happens that I realize I'm due for a hiatus.

Sometimes, I seem to have everything going for me and I think I might be beginning to lose it. It's high time for some reality check and have me grounded again. Sometimes, I think I might have too much wind in my sails, it's always good to take some wind out of me. Sometimes I forget that no one owes ME a living - absoutely no one at all.

There are times I get to level ten and forget that I once started off from ground level. Sometimes, I begin breathing the air up at level ten and forget the sights I once saw when I was at level one. Sometimes, I get too big for myself.

It's moments like this when I realize that it’s time for some humbling. Eat some humble pie. Learn to practise restraint, tolerance, and empathy again. Learn to shut up, swallow some pride, take down some built-up walls and ego.

So, I' m not perfect, I never will be. I'm gonna screw up, break hearts, make mistakes, take you for granted, and who knows what else I'll do. But right now, I'm here...

And right now, I'm trying.

It's okay to be out of sync...

2011-04-17T21:05:00.001+08:00

I think sometimes, we all need a little time out for a little calm and quiet. To slow down and take a look at the things around us. To step outside ourselves and get out of the normal routine that we seem to find ourselves in which we have gotten used to. A friend of mine recently told me that it's okay to be out of sync. It's alright for that occasional stutter, or more. It's perfectly fine to take some time out of your comfort zone, stray away from known territory into unfamiliar territory, explore -as long as you just remember the way back to the people who loves you.

I guess the only thing we can know about life is that it's bound to come with it's ups and downs. It's never gonna be constant, it's never gonna reach our ideal state of equilibrium, unless we think it so.

We can climb the highest mountain, only to find greater and newer heights beyond that; we can get to the lowest low, only to realize that there is always something else that will match or further it. Sometimes we set ourselves a goal to reach the highest point, we strive to keep ourselves there, to maintain our place, only to realize the futility of our efforts; at the lowest point, we fight and struggle to pull ourselves out only to find the dawn of a brand new day after a good night's sleep.

Life takes us places, and when you can scale the greatest heights, you can also fall to the deepest depths. But, I guess sometimes we need to be reminded by others that everything will be fine. Sure, the world out there can be harsh and moving at a pace that is sometimes a little too fast for us to cope, the waters may be too turbulent for our liking, and at times everything seems to be spinning at god-speed. But, I guess we just got to learn to ride it, and know that we are going to come out of it stronger than we first began.

I use to think that we should always be ready for the next high or the next low but if there's something new that I've learnt in the past few weeks, we don’t always have to be ready and prepared for whatever is coming at us. We can always get out of the routine, that monotone, that comfort zone, that solid ground and learn to tread on water, push some boundaries, go beyond. Push a few buttons that we've never thought of pushing before. Do something completely different from the usual change. It's only when we take a leap and explore do we notice the difference from being in unfamiliar territory to familiar territory.

Maybe in sync and out of sync are not so mutually exclusive after all.

Direction need not always be forward or right; a retreat can be a form of advancement

...I guess.

I'm a chicken.

2011-04-04T21:38:00.001+08:00

Excuse my entry title for I was in lack of a good one. Then again, when have I ever had a good title? I'm gonna start this post about the ongoing fasting. It's taken me a while to openly talk about this but being a catholic, I should be fasting and giving up on something during this fasting season but to be honest, I've given up nothing. I'm a little ashamed for talking about this, especially since I'm probably making this a public entry.

I think the thought of giving up on 'something' intimidated me just thinking about it and because of my superficial priorities I kinda brushed the whole 'fasting' thing off my shoulder. I don't even know why, but I chickened out. I'd hate to admit this but I figure that it's true: I am a chicken. I know that I called myself a cow(ard) a while back. But most importantly, we all know that I'm a confuse and indecisive child.

Lately, my actions have been the opposite of everything I've been saying I believe in. I've gone back to certain old bad habits (e.g. swearing), and although I keep saying that maybe I should allow myself to fall apart just a bit so that after all this, I can get back to being that supposedly growing Catholic... But honestly, all that is left in me is the fear that I might not be able to go back so easily as I thought I could.

I've realized that there are many clever traps Satan has prepared for us, and the scary part is that most of these traps aren't as harmful as we expect them to be. You think he'll lure us in by making his trap look so vicious and wrong? Wrong! Of course he'll make it seem pretty somehow, or if not, "completely normal" so we'll give in so easily! Perhaps, it could be just allowing our human heart or human rationality to take over us for one moment. But the next, it could be our soul that's being taken over by God's very own enemy.

So I say, watch out!

I've made some mistakes recently, and I've been struggling to pick myself up and get back to where it feels best, being on God's side of the fence and working towards doing God's will. Whatever his plans are for me, time will only tell. God knows that my heart is still not fully where it's supposed to be. I have my moments when I really want to give up(?) But I also know that God is really patient with me and has shown his love for me by giving me great and awesome mentors to help me get through my spiritual journey and lead me away from the wrong path and guide me in the right direction to becoming a better person.

I'm gonna keep running forward despite the setbacks I've made and will probably make in the future, because there's no stopping now. I know that God will take care of me no matter what, and that's all I need to know.

Sorry

2011-04-02T22:12:00.007+08:00

It is so easy to succumb to temptations. I want to fight any temptations that come along, no. not fight, but FLEE. Because I know I am not strong enough to fight them.

God, I’m sorry.

Silence. For quite a while now.

2011-03-30T12:25:00.001+08:00

Once, I was told: “What you say/write to someone will always be subjective or viewed as subjective, no matter how objective you try to be. People who stand by you will continue to do so and people who stand against you will always have a reason to do so regardless of what you say or do so why say or do anything more?”

“Words are powerful; they can manipulate or coerce; but at the end of the day, words are just words, ultimately limited in power. Yours against mine, anyone can say anything. Let your actions speak for you. Let others speak for you if they wish to.”

But, It definitely takes a lot more to give others credit, to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Increasingly, I find our youths (in general!), our world, badmouthing others so easily, with so little effort and concern, it has become a habit, a hobby. Especially under the veil of anonymity, behind people’s backs. We are becoming a very critical, cynical, and negative bunch. It really doesn’t take much to badmouth others, does it?

Yes, it’s fun to badmouth others. Fun. That’s all. Just for that moment. But does it make us happier? Or does it in fact make our world more negative? We all have the license to speak and badmouth and criticise, by virtue of our mouths. It’s free. But perhaps, we would like to take more responsibility in what we say? Why don't we learn to take more responsibility in the consequences of our actions? To display more maturity and integrity in our words and actions?

Just remember...

When we point at someone else using our hand, one finger is pointing at them but three fingers are pointing back at ourselves.

The next time we want to badmouth others, think again.

I badmouth you. You badmouth me.
Do we really want a dog-eat-dog world?

My answer is No. What’s yours?

Unfortunately, my voice is always going to be viewed as subjective and hence less credibly regarded though possibly more well-informed.

It’s just the feeling of being wronged or maligned that I didn’t like which I couldn’t come to terms with. I’ll live with it.

Silence. For quite a while now.

Change

2011-03-27T21:33:00.004+08:00

Something that never fails to fascinate me is when someone from our past comes by one day and pops up with a line like... "Hey, you've changed."

Okay.
WOW.

Like really? Wow.

Like as if that is NOT supposed to happen. It's as if change is so fundamentally difficult that nobody is supposed to let it happen. It's like they take a gun and point it straight at your head, telling you that you... ain't you anymore.

But hey, what IS the real me? Who are YOU to tell me who am I supposed to be? So what if I've changed? Don't we all exist to change and morph and grow? So am I supposed to be 145cm short and consistently possess an IQ of 135 every time our paths cross? Hello, I'm real here, not a projection of your tainted memory.

So yeah, the next time you decide to tell someone "You've changed" (suggesting a negative connotation), think again. You have no rights to chain someone to his/her past. We are who we are TODAY, not who we WERE yesterday (even the grammar makes total sense.)

In conclusion, embrace change, be it good or bad, 'cause that's what makes us US.

That's all I have to say for today.

What's my view?

2011-03-22T16:12:00.007+08:00

Here’s my view: Religion won’t save a person. You know what does? A true relationship with a Savior, and that’s none other than Jesus Christ. Because He will save you not only from hell but also from the hell we inevitable set ourselves up for here on this Earth.

I believe that Faith trumps religion by an infinity of miles. If you add trust to that and a daily commitment to walk with the One who gave it all, then I think you’re all set for life!

If you have never believed what I’m saying here is true, maybe you can try seeking God with all your heart and ask Him to make Himself real to you. Because if you ask me now to prove God’s existence, I can tell you already that I can’t. Even I have a lot of things I don’t understand about God and the way He does things.

But I acknowledge the fact that He’s God and I’m not, and that my little human brain can only understand so much. But even more than that, the main reason why I believe He is real is because He is real to me. And I sincerely hope that no one misses out on His overwhelming realness because, seriously...

what’s life without the One who gave it to you?

I'm a Cow(ard).

2011-03-17T14:10:00.005+08:00

I am not okay. I haven't been for how many weeks already. I've been going through a lot of confusion and uncertainty lately that has cause me to become nothing more than an emotional wreck. At one stage, I honestly felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I needed something to counter everything that's causing me so much pressure and sadness.

You see, this pressure isn't at all bad. If anything, I believe it would actually do me good. But I'm a cow(ard). If I just had a little more courage to talk to God about it and if I trusted God maybe just a little more, then maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this. But no, because of my superficial ego, I'm willing to put everything on the line. I'm so silly.

So anyways, last week I almost gave up. On what? On God, maybe? On my commitment in making myself and my life better for His glory? I reasoned to myself that I couldn't feel God helping me out. I even complained that I felt so alone. And I felt so helpless because there's been this constant battle inside of me. It's like those comedy films where the angel and the devil are flying above my shoulders and simultaneously harassing me with their brilliant and a-MAY-zing ideas - only, It just wasn't comedic at all like in the movies. It's been really tiring and because I'm still growing spiritually, I'm vulnerable and very easily tempted.

Despite my desire to fix my life according to what God wants for me, I've been compromising a lot, trying to convince Him that maybe we could meet somewhere along the lines, wherein my plans and His plans would somehow meet in the middle. But of course, I know that was so foolish of me. Surrendering everything to God, even the things that seem harmless or even good, is never easy. I need to trust Him more for me to be able to do that.

It took a lot of things to happen to make me realize my sudden lack of faith in Him. Even though I know God is always with me and will never forsake me, even though I know He loves me and that fact will never ever change, it still doesn't give me as much comfort as I need.

I've preached about God and how all of us should abide in His ways because in the end, we'll know it's for the best. I've felt how mighty He is and how He can change lives just as long as we let Him. But where has all that wisdom gone?

Where has my positive attitude towards love, life and destiny gone?

I pray for courage to confide in you Lord,
....before it's too late.

no matter what happens, the show must go on.

Jeremiah 29:11

2011-03-14T19:31:00.003+08:00

Let me introduce you to one of the worst verses in the Bible:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

If you’ve been in or around a church for more than two weeks you’re probably tempted to label me a heretic right now. Because that verse is the golden child of the Christian universe. It’s the place we go to in the midst of chaos to reassure ourselves that God has our back. It’s the promise we claim when we’re worried about the future. In fact, it’s probably the most popular promise of God in the entire Bible.

But it’s not the promise found in the verse that makes it so bad. It’s our response to what the promise is predicated upon. Before Jeremiah 29:11 comes Jeremiah 29:10. And there we find the context of God’s promise: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place.”

God had plans for Israel. Plans of prosperity. Plans of giving them a hope and a future. But first came 70 years of exile in a foreign land, waiting for the promise to be fulfilled. 70 years of poverty preceded plans of prosperity. 70 years of pain and danger preceded plans of no harm. 70 years of seemingly hopeless present circumstances preceded plans of a hopeful future.

This is the reality we don’t like to talk about when we quote Jeremiah 29:11. Yes, God does have plans for us. That’s an incredible promise we should cling to. A promise that’s true. A promise that’s more than a pipe dream. But it’s also a promise that doesn’t always find its completion now. Sometimes it’s later. And later is usually always later than we want it to be.

What makes Jeremiah 29:11 one of the worst verses in the Bible has nothing to do with the verse itself. It’s the imposition of our timetable onto it. We expect the utterance of this verse to calm the chaos now. To get God to reveal our future now.

But that’s not the purpose of this verse. It’s supposed to give us something to cling onto in the midst of chaos. In the midst of an uncertain future. In the midst of circumstances that scream the very opposite of what God is telling us He has for us. It reminds us that regardless of what our present reality and waiting might tempt us to believe, God has not forgotten about us. We are still His people. He is still our God. And while we might have to wait in a place we don’t want to be to see them come to fruition, He still has plans for us.

And it’s when we can embrace this that Jeremiah 29:11 becomes one of the best verses in the Bible.

(Written by Pastor Steven Furtick)

I don't necessary agree with everything that Pastor Steven Furtick said but I reckon it was very, very well written and definitely worth sharing with anyone that stumbles on this page.

To anyone who reads this, will you pray for me?

2011-03-08T19:06:00.002+08:00

So.. yesterday, quite a lot of things happened in 24 hours. But basically, the 2 major things that really affected my mood and basically flipped my mood 180 degrees was that I lost my wallet and I failed in being obedient to the Lord. I've never been so disappointed in myself for being disobedient. All my consecutive obedient days now seems to count for nothing. nothing at all. *face palm*

Because of the 2 major things, I've changed into a very grumpy and annoyed person. When I'm annoyed, no one should ever think about coming in my way or obstructing my path. If your wise, don't talk to me. If your really smart, avoid me. Avoid me at all cost. Run if you must. Run as fast and as far away as you can.

If you do manage to piss me off, I will impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. I'll be forced to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns.

No.

I'll let you go. I'll let you run. I'll let you run as far as you can. And you'll begin your life leaving in fear, knowing that when you least expect it the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you. And as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life you will regret the day you crossed the wrong person.

If all else fails. I'll probably still be able to make you change lanes on the highway every time you drive like you're trying to get away from me. And you'll relish keeping your head on a swivel and cranking the wheel as you gas it.

In other words, I'll show you how is it like dancing with the Devil.

No. I take it back.

Reflecting on my actions from yesterday, it dawned on me how immature of a Catholic I still am. Even though I thought I knew a lot already, my actions often fail to mirror what I know. I've always had a problem with consistency and obedience to the Lord, and at this point, I don't know if I'll ever achieve that (I'm being really general here). But maybe it's just that I'm continually being drawn to the 'wicked ways of the world'.

Obviously, I'm scared. I'm scared of missing out on fun--one that's defined to me by the world. And that goes for my superficial priorities - materialism, my unhealthy habits, pursuing love and wanting it to always be magical even if it goes against what God wants for me. These things are what's constantly pulling me back from doing the right things. And although I don't always let them win me over, I know I'm nowhere near victory.

I don't really know, what I'm talking about here. I know that God is truly bigger than who I am. Compared to Him, I am just like an ant. I know that the right way is to obey and just keep obeying, until things are made clear to me by God. Sadly, though, I'm lacking the drive to just obey, especially when I'm still part of this world who are driven by their own superficial priorities.

Being obedient was harder than I ever fathom it would be.
I feel like I'm battling this alone - and losing.

To anyone who reads this, will you pray for me?

Oh, and I found my wallet. Praise the Lord!

Faith seems tangible again. Praise the Lord!

2011-03-05T15:13:00.001+08:00

Praise the Lord! I am finally in a place, once again, where God is able to directly communicate with me through scriptures. Though I am currently going through difficult times, God is always faithful, and He clearly proves it through His Word in the bible.

Even when I feel like my heart has been placed into a mincing machine, when I feel like I've been betrayed by the people who were meant to be the closest to me, and all that trust that I have been building for months/years seems to count for nothing and all my efforts seems to be wasted - the Lord is always there to comfort me and assure me that everything will turn out fine as long as I surrender and lift all my heartaches and troubles up to him.

Recently, everything that I have been reading has been so applicable to my circumstances and my problems. Faith seems tangible again. I miss this kind of intimacy. It’s been quite a while since I’ve trusted the Lord to this extent, or anyone for that matter. Although my troubles seem to be engulfing my life, I feel peace.

Thank you Lord, for bringing me back down to my knees.

I called. He answered.

2011-02-28T18:19:00.003+08:00

Life can seem so pointless at times. There are moments when feelings of depression, emptiness and heartache overwhelm. Moments when quitting seems like the only possible option. Then there is God, always faithful, never forsaking. He continues to pull me back after my seasons of drought, reminding me of his everlasting love.

I have yet to fully grasp the grandness of it. I desire for God to use me in such a way that I am able to glorify him with my very being. That my soul would cry out his glory forever and ever. That I would surrender all things to him—not in the future, not when I feel that I am ready—but this instant. Now. That is my prayer.

I write this not only to let out my thoughts, but also to encourage anyone out there who struggles with the same issues as I do. Keep the faith, and know that God is out there and more powerful and present than you can ever imagine.

"When life knocks you down to your knees, you are in perfect position to pray."

Surrender to the Lord

2011-02-26T18:25:00.005+08:00

I am not made righteous by anything I do, but by Christ who died on the cross. May I never forget this. May I cease my struggles of the flesh in attempting to better myself or to earn God’s favor. I am justified—it is done. And it is for this reason that I perform good deeds. I have to remember that it is because of God’s amazing grace that I obey, not the other way around to where I obey in order to gain his grace. His grace is already given to me.

This should be the foundation upon which I build my life and the source from which I find my joy. When will I end my search for joy in the material, perishable things of this world as well as in my relationships that have yet to satisfy me? I do not understand why I continue to look for satisfaction in things that I know will always fail to bring me contentment. Why can't I remember that it is God and God alone who satisfies? Am I so foolish and so naive?

This only reveals how much I am in need of a savior. I pray that God would continue to give me wisdom and understanding of the Gospel and how it has everything to do with my place here on this earth; that this wisdom would leave me humbled and broken so that God might use me for his purpose; that this wisdom would convict my soul to repentance and lead me into genuine worship; that I would not grow numb towards the power of Scripture and the Holy Spirit.

I wish to surrender all things now so that I would not rob myself of the joy of living life to the fullest, just as God has intended. God is here, and he is working. I just know it.

And now my heart is aching.. my heart's so close to breaking

Uni's starting soon...

2011-02-11T16:19:00.002+08:00

Hello a-MAY-zing readers, (and the lurking unicorns) I have returned for yet another post.

I'm just popping in to say hello and give you a quick update on what's been happening in the latest episode of The a-MAY-zing show, which is really not much because I don't see why anyone would wanna watch a TV show called "The a-MAY-zing show" in the first place.

These holidays actually turned out to be one of the most life changing and probably one of the most memorable holidays - especially the last 2 weeks. I've gone through so much and learnt so much. I can't express how thankful I am for everyone who were there for me in the past 2 weeks. All your advices, encouragement and unconditional support really paid off because right now, I'm clear about the path I want to take in my life. I know the kind of person I want to strive to be and most importantly, I feel stronger and more dependent on myself than I've ever felt.

On a side note, apparently to most people, I'm now officially known as a party animal who goes clubbing almost every weekend and probably starting to become a little too social but hey, it's better than staying home and refreshing my facebook news feed every 10 minutes and letting my social life be slapped in the face as a result.

I nearly forgot to mention that I got a 2011 diary and stickers from Kikki-K. Words can not describe how much I desire for every single piece of stationery inside Kikki-K. Not only is everything so a-MAY-zing and well thought out, it's also Swedish! (if I'm not wrong) Which makes all the stationery have the unnatural ability to speak a second language whilst in my grasp.

The diary makes me a little motivated for 2011. I really hope that university this year is going to be brilliant, because I've invested in brilliant things (diary & stickers so far) for it to be brilliant.

That's pretty much everything that has happened recently worth mentioning. Besides the fact that the weather pretty much makes me want to lock myself in my freezer and survive on uncooked frozen nuggets and wedges for the remainder of Summer. Life has been pretty chill.

Shining Spark

2011-02-10T14:34:00.002+08:00

“The hour before dawn is always the darkest.”

They say there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep going, you’ll find the light someday. But even if the world around you is dark, inside of you there is a shining spark. Never lose that shining spark. Cos’ you’re not lost, you’re actually only finding your way.

You’re that shining spark.

Obedience to God.

2011-01-25T02:24:00.004+08:00

The many voices in our lives can sometimes be a distraction from truly sensing the significant. When we listen to too many voices, significance starts to become elusive. You don’t know whom to please. But God’s view of us is concrete. Genuine significance is rooted and grounded in Him.

A significant woman bases her identity on who God says she is, and she is committed to do nothing more and nothing less than what her identity demands. In other words, as I line up my thoughts to God’s thoughts about me, I will become a woman He can use. When I see myself through His eyes, I realize my value. I am nothing more than a woman saved by His grace, but I am nothing less than a new creation.

When I see myself through God’s eyes, I realize His plan for me is only found in obedience. I am nothing more than a servant and am nothing less than an ambassador. I’m not the master, so I don’t make up the rules. There is one God, and it’s not me! All that He requires from a servant is obedience—there is nothing more I can add. Being an ambassador opens up opportunities. The more God can trust me, the more He will entrust to me. So anything less than obedience means I risk missing out on His precious plans for me.

I hate being alone

2011-01-19T02:29:00.004+08:00

I use to like being alone. Every time I was alone, I felt like I was in a totally different world. In a way, I felt like I had the whole world at my fingertip. I felt like I was the boss of myself - I felt like a leader. There was no need for pretense, no more baggage, no more fear, no more living in the eyes of others, no more expectation, anticipation or approval.

Now, I have to say, I'm quite different, things have changed - I have changed. Recently, I've started to realize that I hate being alone. Every time I'm alone, I start thinking. It's almost like a switch in my brain that turns 'on' by itself every time I'm left alone - I hate it. I hate the fact that I'm starting to be dependent on my friends.

And, I've only noticed this recently when a friend asked me to hang out and I told him that I had to check my schedule because it was really jam-packed. I literally had plans after plans after plans. There were days I had 3-4 plans in a day and I was always kept busy. I was too busy to think, I barely had any time to ponder. And truthfully...

I loved every moment of it.

I know there are people who hate being left alone. But to me, one of the advantages of being alone is that you do not have to accommodate others. You do not have to smile, you do not have to make small talk, you do not have to please others, you do not have to spare a thought for others. All the focus is on yourself. It's about finding yourself. Almost an indulgence. It's a good feeling.

Why? Because sometimes you are so tired of smiling and trying to be nice to others when others do not try to smile or be nice to you. Not trying to be a saint but you know you have tried to be good to others but others do not seem to try to be good to you; in fact, they begin to think you are a pushover.

When every good seems to be forgotten and each bad remembered. When a sheet of white paper with a black dot is noticed only for its black dot. When whatever credit you thought you might have built up ends up counting for nothing.

It's because of this view of mine that I've held so strongly for years that I shouldn't let a simple thing like constantly over thinking, tear down this view of mine. I refuse to let myself become dependent on others. I know that the only reason I want to be constantly kept busy is so that I can escape from all the thoughts that constantly forms in my mind.

I guess it all comes down to what our views and values are. It's about what defines us from the rest of the world. It's our calling. It's what we choose to stand up for. We can't let the things that are happening in our life just change our views and values just like that. So whatever it is we should stand up for them & we should stand firm. We have too. It's what defines us.

Sometimes, it's what makes us different from a follower and a leader.

Choices are scary

2011-01-14T01:29:00.009+08:00

Have you ever felt like every time you are force to make a decision, the decision you choose could either make or break your day? It could either strengthen a friendship or break a friendship? For me, my choices always seems to find it's way back to haunt me - never failing to leave me with regret. At times, even trusting my own instinct seems to end up being the worst possible decision.

It's bad enough knowing you made the wrong decision but knowing that you aren't able to walk back in your foot steps and change your choices - that thought scares me.

It's the fear of choosing between our choices and not knowing the outcome that sends shivers running down our spine. It's not so much about taking risk, but knowing that if we ever regret our decision, we are force to live with the consequences of our choices that really scares us. It's our conscience that stays rooted at the back of our mind that ends up torturing us.

And at times, when we find that we have no choice but to trust our own instinct, that is probably the moment in time where we are really made to stop in our tracks and think about which route to take.

I've always told myself that as much as we can dodge our responsibilities, we can never dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities. Sure, there are times, we should take risk because we never know where the road might take us.

When we choose the right path, we very rarely wonder to ourselves the outcome of choosing the other path. But, when we make the wrong choices/decisions, we are always force to wonder...

what would happen if we took the other path?

would the grass be greener on the other side?

I guess, only god will know.

2010

2011-01-09T23:27:00.001+08:00

So, that was one unintentionally long break.

I know in the past 2 months, I've dropped off the blogging radar and even now, I'm not exactly back on the radar. However, I just really felt like writing a post about 2010. I wrote a post about 2009 which can be found 'here' and as you can see, my life has nearly took a 360 degree turn.

2010 was probably the year which I noticed a significant change in my life. Like Steph LKC said on her tumblr - "There has been a lot of could-haves, should-haves and omfg-I want to kill someone-moments." - "There’s been some friendship fall outs, some doubts, tears, sicknesses and injuries too."

In 2010, my little clan/group/gang - "Rodrick Fierze" of 3 members from 2009 increased to 5 members and joined alliances with "Shimmer". Therefore we are now Rodrick Fierze + Shimmer. RF + Shimmer are basically my "shadows" - Even though they might not be there with me 24/7, they are always on my mind. They are my big brother and sisters from another mother. At times, I like to see them as the guardian angels that God has given to me. They are like the ketchup to my cheese burger, the flavor that makes up my bubble tea. In other words, life would not be the same without them. (I should really take this mushy talk down a notch!)

And to answer your question LKC, the Fierze group don't all go to the same university so I guess we just have to put in a little more effort than the norm to not drift away. (I totally dedicated a small section just for you Jessie!) ;)

Disgressing from that, a lot of things happened this year which has been pretty memorable and of course when there are ups, there are probably bound to have downs. I've learnt that even though my heart at times feels like it's being put through a mincing machine, I'll still survive. Even though sometimes, I think that the painful memories will never go away; sometimes it does. Sometimes, it fades into nothing more than a distant memory.

At first, I didn't think 2010 was the best year for me but after reading through my past blog post over the past few days I think it's probably one of the best years of my life - possibly even the best. I thought 2010 could have ended wayy better than how it actually ended but aside from that, 2010 was a pretty good year.

A new beginning

2010-10-26T00:33:00.004+08:00

I finally feel like a new door is finally opening for me, but yet I have to admit, it hasn't been all that simple. It has involved a lot of inner strength and nostalgic thoughts to find the strength to close the old door. I think it's really all part of me wanting to be a better person.

We are fully responsible for the person we are today and as much as I believe in dodging our responsibilities, and running away from the past, I don't believe anyone can dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities. For me, it's affected me in many different ways but it's definitely carved and shape the way I think and perceive the world today both good and bad. But, I've come to accept that whatever has happened is not my fault in any way.

I believe that God has a reason for bringing every single person in your life. Every time someone walks in your life, you're bound to learn something about them. If after goodbye you realise you've learnt nothing, well then maybe, they didn't mean that much to you afterall.

But what's probably more important than just knowing that a new door is opening is the willingness to let go and walk away. It's not so much the pain of letting go, but it's more towards the fact that it's made you the person you are today, and letting go could mean becoming a totally new person. Of course it's not going to be a change that will take place overnight, that I can be sure of, but wanting to change for the better is already half the battle won.

And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

~ Psalm 9:10

10 things you should know about me

2010-10-24T02:44:00.006+08:00

1.
A high school teacher once told me, there is a certain 'vagueness' about me.

2.
Future career: I don't mind being a professional sea sponge or even a block of cheese.
(My high school teachers are going to be SO PROUD of me if they knew about it. NOT!)

3.

4.
I'm getting a little sick of explaining myself.

5.
You're not asking but I'm trying to grow a mustache or a beard.

6.
I'm mix.
I might look 100% Asian but I'm not.
I'm actually half Asian and half awesome.

7.
My dream room! *orgasms*

8.
I tend to do this sometimes.

9.
10.
Every night, I stay up way past 12, not because I'm not tired. It's not because I want to tweak on those social networking sites. Because I am tired and I want to sleep. But I can't because my mind runs like crazy. It over thinks, over analyzes things that I don't want to think about. So, I purposely keep myself away & tire myself out so that when I finally lie in bed, I fall asleep and my thoughts don't keep me up.

Letting Go

2010-10-23T02:41:00.001+08:00

As much as this might sound like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It's not.

--

Moments trapped in time to never be forgotten. Stuck in the back of your mind or in a frame on the wall. They're something to look back on. They're something to remind you of all the good times and the bad. I remember every detail of the best moments. I remember every detail of your face and the sound of your voice. I remember the words you had said and the things you did. I remember it all, and I miss it.

Though, I wish that I had never met you. No need to want a brother. No need for loving to love, no need for crying over you. No need for crying myself to sleep when you left. No need for acting like you care. No need, for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

But then again, I'm kinda glad that I met you. Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong. You were the one who loved me for me. The one who cared when everyone else didn't. The one who listened. The one who stayed up all night just to talk about the randomness shit ever. You were the one who I told ALL my secrets too. The one who taught me new things. The one who laughed at my bad joke. The one who did things, just for me.

How can I move on if I'm still living in the past? And how can I take a step forward, leaving the past behind, if I can’t even begin to forgive what the past holds? How can I love someone for who they are, yet want to hate them for what they’ve done? I guess that’s what it boils down to is this — there are always those defining moments, times that makes us or breaks us, builds us or tears us apart, help us progress further or stop us dead in our tracks.

And for whichever way I may choose, there’s a consequence of equal value. It’s a true test of what I stand for, where I came from, and where I'm headed. These are moments that I live for, breathe for, and fight for. These are the defining moments that leave imprints forever in my hearts.

These are choices that could bring me one step closer to forgiving you. I guess in order to move on from the past, I must learn to forgive it. And forgiving may mean letting go.

A letter to myself

2010-10-21T17:44:00.005+08:00

This is a personal post but in a way, it's not so personal like you just took a dive in my pants.

Dear May,

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, and that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.

As long as you know that you have really put in an effort, then that's all that matters. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Sometimes you have to test someone. Not because you don’t trust them, but to see how much they’ll sacrifice for you. And sometimes you have to let them go, not because you suddenly stopped loving them, but to see if they love you enough to come back.

It's about letting go, even if it hurts, it doesn’t mean you have to let go of everything. You just have to let go of the person and your feelings for her/him but the memories will always be there whether it’s good or bad.

Because every time you remember those memories, it will always put a smile into your heart. And be glad that once in your life this person made you happy and put colors into your life even if it’s just for a while.

Being a teenager is hard

2010-10-21T17:29:00.003+08:00

Being a teenager is hard, harder than some can imagine, harder than some can remember. It’s those years you’ll never forget though you sometimes wish you could wipe them away.

Being a teenager is falling in love too fast, and too hard, talking for hours on the phone to your best friends, being talked about and talking about others. It’s being guilty when you’re innocent, it’s standing out and fitting in. It’s when you have a million questions that will never be answered.

Being a teenager isn’t something you can really describe, unless you’re living it at the time. It’s dealing with life when it crashes on you, and trying your hardest to live through it. Everyone has their tough times. Everyone goes through something, but being a teenager, that’s when you feel everything at once.

When you’re in love, you’re really in love, when you hate someone, you despise them, when you’re lonely, you’re miserable. Being a teenager is something you always have to go through, and it’s the best and worst years of your life. Being a teenager isn’t anything - it’s everything.

Take a Step

2010-10-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

Life's good

2010-10-08T21:48:00.004+08:00

So, I just got off the phone with Tiffany and I have to say, I'm feeling really happy at the moment. *chuckles* It never fails to amaze you how the smallest things can turn your day around, how a simple phone call can put a smile on your face, it can make everything better even if it wasn't that bad before. It made me happy enough to feel like blogging, but even better, something to write about.

I have just spent the last 45 minutes or so sharing to Tiffany something that I've never shared before. As in, it's not something that I have ever shared with anyone. But it was an incident that really turned my life around, in both a good and bad way. An incident that I have never talked about, or even expressed before so when I did express it, even Tiffany could tell that I've never shared it before. Well, it sure wasn't something I planned on telling her when I called her for a twitter update on her life. But hey, life's a mystery! You never know what's just around the corner.

Right now, I feel so liberated.

Life's good - for now.

Anyways, I guess I'm gonna end it here for today.

--

On a side note, I'm thinking of starting another blog on my spiritual journey with God. I kinda want a 'space' where I can go when I'm feeling like I'm drifting away from God.

Isaiah 40: 29-31

"He strengthens those who are weak and tired. Even those who are young grow weak; young people can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow walk."

Amen.

Top 4

2010-09-15T19:01:00.004+08:00

I'm always open to any suggestions on what my blog readers want me to blog about so when I saw a comment from Adam about publishing an in-depth blog post about my top 4, I thought..why not? It's a brillant idea.

(They are in NO particular order!)

Joyce Rodrick Fierze

I *heart* this dp.

I've known this girl for just over a year now. She's the first person that I became close too when I first joined JPYM. The first few months of our friendship was nothing short of crazy. We would talk to each other every night on MSN, we would always spam each other's facebook pages. She would call me every few days just to catch up. Believe it or not, she is the only person in my top 4, who I didn't dislike when I met. I know, how crazy is that right?

I've given her more nicknames than I can remember. Chubaki, Chubaka, Papy, Brown M&M, Sister, Boyce and many others which I most probably have forgotten. She's the only one that spams my facebook wall anytime she feels like it and at times, she rapes my facebook notification without realising it - but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'll tell you what I dislike about her, when she uses the word 'PAINING'. I don't know why but I can not stand that word. It's just so wrong, and I can't let her just stand there in her wrongness and be wrong. Sigh, it's just one of those words that really gets to you. LOL. Whatever it is, she's a keeper.

Tiffany Rodrick Fierze

"I've always wanted to do this before I fell in love with her"

- Oh Tiffy! I absoutely disliked this girl when I first met her. (Don't worry, she knows about this!) In fact, I might have even hated her at one point. (Okay, I might have left out this part!) I guess I just could not 'click' with her no matter how hard I tried and we seemed to always be on different wavelengths. I don't exactly remember how we became close. I guess It was just one of those unexpected things that happened that has no possible explanations for it. But then again, maybe MSN did play a big part in it.

I added her on MSN and from then on, she would always start MSN conversations with me. For a while, we use to talk.everyday and she was my late night MSN buddy. I'll tell you what I don't like about her though. At times, she rapes me pretty badly with her comebacks. And it's annoying because you can see that she doesn't even try, she just says what's on her mind without giving it a second thought and then, BURN. Oh, I have a lot to learn from her.

She's also probably the only one I would call whenever I'm thinking of her just to hear an update on her life. Whenever I'm thinking of her, I can just call her and it wouldn't be awkward because she would just tell me about her day even before I can ask her to update me on her life. A simple 'how are you' on the phone can lead to almost an hour of talking on absoutely nothing & EVERYTHING. I don't know how we do it, but we just rock in it. I've probably been at her house the MOST and she's my saviour when it comes to saving me from awkward situations. On my phone, she's called 'Code Red' but that's something between us. (Yea, it's got something to do with saving me from awkward situations!) Oh, keeper.

Joel Rodrick Fierze

Don't judge us on what we are wearing - it's called 'dress up'. LOL!!

Ah, I wrote up an entry before on my blog which you guys might have seen in my past blog post. Anyhoo, I call Joel, ninkaPOOP, poopy, poop face, ninkaPOOT, ninkaPOOP tiramisu, Bro, Diva, Noel and I've probably given him more nicknames than I can remember. Just for the record, I understand that ninkaPOOP is actually spelt as nincomPOOP but he spelled it wrongly on his phone and I reckon it's hilarious so I decided to let him stand there in his wrongness and be wrong. LOL. Everytime he calls/text me, I can't help but giggle to myself because it just reminds me of all his past silly typo's.

Anyhoo, last semester, he was my Wednesday Buddy and we would hang out with each other every wednesday. At first, it was like a coincidence that every Wednesday, I would meet up with him but oh, good times. He's also my unexpected alarm clock in the morning. At times, he has strange a habit of calling me in the morning and just assume that I'm already awake but so far, I've been asleep 95% of the time. But that doesn't change the response he gives me everytime, 'what? you're still sleeping?'

I don't exactly remember all his reasons for calling me in the morning but if he isn't asking me to meet up with him later, he would call me to talk about something, or like today, he called me to ask me to go on facebook to look at my unglam facebook photo. OR maybe, he just really likes the way my voice sounds in the morning - like a frog. Yes, that must be it. Sometimes, I just want to strangle him for waking me up like today, (and I swear the picture was seriously unglam! I would not wake up early to see it!!) but y'know something, I wouldn't have it any other way. Keeper? I reckon.

Abby ~~James~~ Rodrick Fierze

"Ooooh, yeahh! Diva and the Diva-in-making!"

Oh, Abby. She's my Moleh. Out of the top 4, I only got to really know her during the semester 1 exam period. It all started when we told each other what we disliked about each other and from then on, we started getting to really get to know each other and enjoy each other's company. She's my nando's buddy and we always get nando-gasm when we eat the delicious nando's wings. OH gosh. *drools*

Y'know what I love most about Abby? Here's a story. As you guys know, I'm underaged. So, when a group of my youth friends decided to go Metro, the FIRST thing that came to her mind was to call me and ask if I wanted somebody to hang out with that night. She said, "May, if you want to hang out, I WON'T go. May, your important to me. I would give up clubbing just to hang out with you." Oh, I'll always remember that phone call. She's a keeper - she's mine.

So yeah, I actually had fun writing up this blog post, and I hope you(s) have fun reading it.

Definition of Love

2010-09-10T16:39:00.007+08:00

A few days ago, I was talking to Andre on MSN and we came across a topic about love and trust. I told him that there are days where I feel like I'm battling everything alone and that sometimes, I can't help but feel like no one cares about me. There are days I feel so lonely like no one understands what I'm going through. He told me that at times, we just have to let go of our insecurities and just trust that people care. He continued by saying that if there's no trust - there can't be love. You know that you love someone when you find yourself being completely open with them.

I have to admit, I've never seen love in this point of view before. I guess my definition of love has always been very basic and simple. If you love that person, you would shed tears for/about them. But I came across this definition of love that really made me agree that Love isn't just about who you would shed tears for, or who you would take a bullet for. It also isn't about who you've known the longest.

Love is giving someone the power to destroy you -- but trusting them not to. Giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting them not to. Love is having someone who knows you inside out and still loves you whole heartedly.

--

My top 4!

Ups and Downs

2010-09-08T18:35:00.008+08:00

This past month has been nothing more than an overwhelming feeling for me. Life has been so full of ups and downs, I've come to a point where I don't feel too strongly about anything - I can't. It's like a series of highs followed by a series of lows. It's come to a point where nothing seems to be going right and everything is going wrong.

Maybe negativity has really got to me. All I see now is black & white followed by a little flicker of rainbow every now and then. Just a flicker - nothing more. Every time I think things are starting to get better, I get knocked down yet again. But, it's alright.

What doesn't kill only makes me stronger.

Closure

2010-09-06T00:52:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I don't think we understand the importance of having closure in our lives. At times, we need to know why some things ended the way they did. We need to know why that person stayed, while the other had to leave. We need to tie loose ends and fix unsolved problems. We need answers to unsolved questions to put our thoughts at rest. Without closure, these things lingers on in us and affects us when we least suspect it.

Closure is important to us because it lets us know the chapter has finally ended and it's now time to move on and start a brand new chapter.

Buy 1 get 1 free

2010-09-01T21:01:00.007+08:00

I was working today and I came across this incident which I found funny enough to blog about. The place that I was working at was offering a 'buy 1 get 1 free' pretzel sale after 4p.m. There are signs about this everywhere and I guess that's the reason why it was so crowded. I assumed everyone understood what the sign meant but obviously not everyone because this was what happened...

High School Girl: Could I please have a cinnamon pretzel?
Me: Yep, would you like both to be cinnamon?
High School Girl: Nope, just one cinnamon.
Me: Okay, and what did you want the other pretzel to be?
High School Girl: I only want one - cinnamon.
Me: It's buy 1 get 1 free, so you can choose ANY of the pretzel for free.

High School Girl: I don't have enough money for 2, I just want one.
Me: No, I'm charging you for 1 pretzel but you get the other free.
High School Girl: No, I just want one. *starts to get annoyed*
Me: Um, but it's buy 1 get 1 free.
High School Girl: Can I just get one?

Me: -shifty eyes- *hands her the cinnamon pretzel*
High School Girl: *takes the pretzel from my hand* I don't have enough money for 2.
Me: ......

Me: *turns slowly to look at my manager*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Haircut.

2010-08-30T18:23:00.009+08:00

I've said this a million times, and by now.. it should be no surprise to anyone. It should only start to sound repetitive but I hate change. And, for someone that doesn't like change, I'm going to be stepping out of my comfort zone because I'm gonna get a haircut. I don't mean just getting my hair cut shorter with the same old hairstyle, I mean a different style. A totally different style from the usual, I'm taking a risk.

Today, I showed Abby the hairstyle and we talked about it for a while and I made a joke with Abby that if I looked bad in it, I might just go on a 40 day fast. I swear, right after I said that, her face changed in a flash from a normal 'abby' face to a 'I wanna bitch slap you' face.

Just for the record, this is not how Abby looks like.

I guess only people who know Abby personally would understand how this looks like but Abby's nostrils starts to flare, her teeth is biting the bottom lip, she's shaking her head sideways really slowly, and she looks me straight in the eye like a single blink could kill me and she said..

'May, I want you to PROMISE me now that you will not do that to me'.

For some reason, after Abby said that, I felt something that I haven't felt for a while. I'm not sure if 'love' is the right word. There's no way to describe this feeling, but i'll try. It was like I felt that 'someone still cared' or maybe no one really expressed that to me in a while but I had this sudden urge to jump out of my seat and give Abby a really big hug.

P.S: This is how Abby looks like...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
(this face gets me laughing every time!)

Just kidding, this is how she normally looks like...

.
.
.
.
.

I love her, I really do.

Imperfection

2010-08-29T11:46:00.004+08:00

As you can tell, this blog layout is not exactly perfect. It's not aligned properly - it's got its own flaws. Initially, I did plan on trying to make it close to perfection but I've been told that nobody is perfect - nothing is perfect. However, I've also been told by others that practice makes perfect. Sometimes I wish they'd actually make up their mind.

The more I live, the more I realize the impact of perfection in my life. Perfection is like two horizontal lines, the journey doesn't end until they both meet - therefore, it's a journey with no end. I''m not perfect, it scares me knowing that I'm nowhere near it. If my life is not perfect, then why should all the flaws on my blog be hidden?

Isn't a blog like snapshot of us, bloggers, working in progress? I'll tell you guys the wonderful thing about a blog and what makes it a piece of performance art - in my opinion. (and also why, everyone should have a blog!) To me, a blog is a virtual permanent record of our impermanency, a record of our growth and change, and the patterns of who we are and who we are becoming and at times, who we intend to become.

It's powerful because it's public but because it's public and because blogging is rarely a carefully planned event for most of us (most of us kinda wing through it, right? I know I do) means that you're going to find flaws of life on it. And if the purpose of my blog is to reflect my life and my life isn't perfect, then why should my blog be any different? Therefore, I decided to leave it as it is. I actually like how it looks right now - I like the imperfection that comes with it.

Moving on, I have my reasons for coming back on this blog and moving most of my posts from my other blog to this one. Yesterday, I was reading through my past blog post on this blog and I came across a few blog post which once didn't mean much to me, but now.. it seems to mean a whole lot more. I even created a special column for it on the right hand side. Check 'em out!

And, I'm sure that people is going to wish that I would elaborate on this a little more. But, it's something that I do not want to remember, I don't intend to remember it. The good thing is that whatever has been affecting me in my life has really made me a stronger person. There are things that have happened that I wish didn't happen and there are things that have happened that I wish I could have help prevent, but sometimes life doesn't go the way we want it too. And, I guess that's what makes life so interesting.

Even though it's my life, my way - it's god's way.

Brother

2010-08-22T17:25:00.000+08:00

Today, I felt something being robbed away from me. For some reason, I seem to have been through this exact same path before. I seem to have experience the same exact feeling before with the same questions - 'why?'. Exactly 1 month ago, I felt the same thing being robbed away from me, and just when I start to come to terms with it, I find myself being knocked down again for the exactly same reason - I'm losing another sibling. I've lost one for the time being, and I'm losing another brother - exactly 1 month later. Only this time, it's for a longer period of time.

The only difference compared to this one and the other one is that, I got given time to 'digest' the information.
(6 days to be exact!)

I've said this before, I'll say it again.
It 'hits' me fine. Just ~~fucking~~ fine.

That night when you wiped away my tears with your bare hands;
it was then that you became something more than just a 'friend'.

Exerting negative emotions

2010-08-05T20:07:00.002+08:00

I have come to discover that we waste far too much of our time bitching about others behind their backs. Whether it was because they did me or my friends wrong, or maybe it was the fact that our little differences annoyed each other. Or, maybe even the way we perceive things are just slightly different. But, somehow.. we seem to find that enough reasons for us to gossip about each other.

Whatever it is, we know that it's not worth it - But why do we continue? We know that it doesn't matter how many times we gossip about them - nothing changes. In fact, they are going to stay the same. Exerting such negative emotions and knowing that nothing changes, is it even worth it?

Not Fate, Just Choices

2010-07-31T17:28:00.000+08:00

Roads in life diverge. Sometimes into two, three, or more. Some routes might appear to have been less traveled on. But that doesn’t make me afraid. I don’t believe in fate. I believe in making choices and sticking to it. And playing your best with the hand that you’ve been dealt with. That’s all that matters. That’s making a difference.

Life is one hell of a game, only one that you can’t stop. You meet teams that you have to compete with, and you just can’t say no. Sometimes you fall. Why? Just so you learn to pick yourself up and continue fighting. Sometimes you lose. Why? Just to know it takes more than a fight to win a game.

It’s that courage to continue, that makes the difference in every game.

Sometimes

2010-07-30T13:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I find myself taking my car out for a drive at night - alone. Sometimes when I'm driving, I know where the next road leads me, I know that taking that exact road leads me closer to a known destination. But yet sometimes, I find myself spinning around in circles, on roads that aren't familiar to me and finding a road that leads to nowhere - just a dead end.

Sometimes, I travel on roads which I'm not familiar with because I still believe that there's something left installed for me - I just have to look for it. But yet sometimes, I lose my mind second guessing every single thought. That something that was once left installed for me to discover is already gone.

A prayer

2010-07-27T14:39:00.000+08:00

"Lord, I pray that you save those who are crushed in spirit, who's heart are broken" Psalm 34:18

Lord, you know what they are going through, and they will never understand why some things have happened the way they have. So I pray that you not allow their emotions to rule over their choices. I pray that they seek you for the answers and guidance Lord, for you are the God who heals. You are the god who protects.

You are the same god who has done miracles and wonders, and you are the same God who will continue to do miracles and wonders in years to come. So, I place all my trust in you. I pray that you be with them in there times of needs. Cause you are the Lord God, and only you will have the answers to all the unanswered questions.

I pray that people that are currently so crushed in spirit, who's hears are broken, that you will be there to comfort them. I pray that you give them the strength to seek comfort in you Lord, because right now, the person they need most is not anyone else but you.

In Jesus's name, Amen.

P.S: I'm one of 'them'.

It 'hits' me just fine

2010-07-26T19:44:00.000+08:00

There are some things that happens in life without any warning that that no one has any control over. And, I guess this is just one of those times where I find myself standing in the dark with questions that are seeking answers but knowing I will never be able to comprehend why some things have happened the way they are.

And no matter how much I think about it, no matter how much I pray over it - I know it's something that will always remain a question mark in my mind.

There are no reasonable explanations that can justify one's reason to leave all of a sudden with only a few minutes of warning just before departure. I barely had time to digest the information. How do you comprehend it all? You don't.

Whatever it is, I'm glad to say, it 'hits' me just fine.

The End Bit Is Animated

2010-06-20T00:40:00.008+08:00

We help people when big things happen to them, when you see them getting hit by a car, when a brother or a sister or a father or a mother dies, we're there for them because we can see that death kills more than the person it takes.

And yet, the people around us who die a little.. all the time, moment by moment. Those who require the least help, the smallest sacrifice, are the ones we forget.

The Day You Read This

2010-06-19T13:38:00.004+08:00

Dear Self, On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you'd offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn't make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being along means you're free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you're with is the one you're meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you're judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you'll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that's why it's worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn't always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. The rain is beautiful.

And so you.

Productive day - INDEED!

2010-06-19T00:16:00.003+08:00

Ah well, so I technically don't exactly know how to start this blog post. But let's just say it all started when I got a call from Joyce this morning and she asked if I wanted to accompany her to 'FAL' to buy cutlery for Sunday Sesh. I didn't exactly have any plans for the day so I decided to tag along with Joyce and Abby. Not long after, Abby got a call from Yohaan and we decided to invite him along to lunch. And we decided to go to Nando's @ southlands for lunch while Joyce went to pick Joel up from church. Pretty boring story but that's the basic outline of how all of us ended up together!

Anyways, here are some pictures of us at SOUTHLANDS!

hello eye bags.

Yohaan looks so innocent with his new hair cut!

Rodrick Fierze!~

Group Shot!

And again...

And then, we left Southlands..

Of course when we pass a music shop - JPYM'ers can't stop but stare

FAIL!

FAIL AGAIN

And FAILED yet again - so I gave up!

I love this biatch.

I *heart* them.

And then.. one of their friends were experiencing car problems and needed help so we drove over there to try and help her - because that's what christians do, they help people in need -grins-

Yohaan trying to fix the brake..

While we cam-whored...

Joel wanted a piece of the action.

Let me explain how I decided to take a shot of Joel's ass.

Joyce: *points* LOOK... LOOK! OI, LOOK.
Abby/Joyce: HEY! Take a picture - it will totally make today blog-worthy!!
May: -takes out her phone- *snap*

So yeah - totally not a pervert. LOL.

And then... by the time I got home - I only had 15 minutes to get ready before Joe came to pick me up for 'Youth Alive' @ Perth Christian Life Centre

(please excuse bad picture quality!)

The preacher! He was awesome - I loved his asian jokes!

He preached about what it was to experience freedom. It's not going to parties and clubbing or smoking or drinking or taking drug. Those might give you freedom but it's a short experience of freedom - the next day, your not going to experience the same freedom the night before - in fact you might feel shit from being drunk the day before and etc.

True freedom comes from Jesus. That - is freedom INDEED!
Yeah, that's just a brief overview of his preaching!

After that, we headed to Brandon's house for dinner and then came home.

So yeah - a productive but yet tiring day!

The World Leaning On Your Shoulder

2010-06-18T02:29:00.004+08:00

You know all their stories but none of their stories know you. And you've felt all their pain but their pain has never bothered feeling you. So you take their medicine. Even though you've had too much medicine.

I've been told to see it as a good thing.

How is it a good thing is if my advice is not the cure?

Joel's broken bed

2010-06-17T15:39:00.008+08:00

It all started with a *BANG* when me and Abby came for an unexpected/late visit to the Fierze's house on Monday night just to say 'hi' since we were pretty close to their house but a casual conversation that was only meant to last for 20 minute ended up turning into a 2 hour conversation followed by heavy rain leading to an unexpected sleepover.

The next day, we returned home to pack our stuff for a planned sleepover to watch the soccer match so we ended up sleeping at the Fierze's house for 2 consecutive days. But overall, it was a pretty good sleepover! I reckon the sleepover happened at an awesome time when I was in major need of company which helped me to take my mind off things that has most definitely been driving me crazy for the past week. A part of me kept denying that nothing was wrong or it wasn't bothering me but I guess in the end, my friends knew me better than I knew myself. But, I feel so much better now so.. I'm not going to spiral into a deep depression over that issue and start PMS-ing like a loser. I'm hurt but not enough to break my heart.

So anyways, I don't usually like to share everything that happens during sleepovers indepth because I do believe that things that happen during sleepovers are only meant for those who attended the sleepover. But let's just say overall, it was the unexpected sleepover followed by a planned sleepover, it was watching soccer match @ 2.30a.m (Brazil's goals were like *le gasp*), munching on junk food, 3-minute noodles, ghost stories, molee/bijillli jokes, hearing abby sleep talking, snoring, attempting to wake abby/yohaan up from their sleep, dim sum, jamming at mega music, going to youth mass, followed by bubble tea with yohaan, and unxpectedly hanging out with yohaan in his room till 11.30p.m exchanging movies/drama series!

Followed by... the story of Joel's bed.

You guys are lucky that his bed broke, because if it didn't, you would not be reading this blog post right now. Because besides his bed, I don't exactly plan on sharing anything else.

So here's the story..

We were all sitting on Joel's bed talking and we decided to take a picture so everyone huddled together. The first shot that Joyce took, she wasn't in the photo so the next shot, she jumped in the middle closer to us and before she could take the shot and out of no where, the bed just gave way and everyone just screamed and shriek.

Turns out.. Joel's bed totally collasped and after screaming, it was silent because everyone was obviously in shock followed by laughter. Right after the bed collasped, Yohaan and Joyce immediately got up while me and Joel didn't move for a while as we were both most probably recovering from minor shock considering we had it worse than them where we were sitting or should I say, lying in the aftermath.

And, the funny thing was, about a minute before this took place, we were actually talking about Joel's bed. And yeah, you blog readers are going to love me because as soon as I got up from Joel's broken bed, I immediately took out my phone and started taking pictures. (Even when I was in shock, I was still thinking of my blog readers! - that's right! I *heart* you guys)

I was thinking...OMG OMG OMG! This is blog-worthy!
*starts taking pictures*

So excuse for the poor camera quality on my phone but that was all I had...

The first shot just seconds before the bed colllasped...

So yeah.
I thought that was pretty funny and worthy of sharing.

It was definitely a you-got-to-be-there-moment!!
So yeah.

--

And here's some random photos on the way to dim sum/mega music...

Joyce and Joel

Yohaan

Abby

--

click on my nuffnang advertisement puh-leaseee guys!

I'm going busselton with mates & I need moolah.
every click will mean alot! ^^

PEACE OUT~

Life's little blessings

2010-06-15T17:04:00.002+08:00

Do you ever look back on the person you were last year, and realized you really missed it? But then, you think about everything that have taken place this year and realize that it hasn't been the least bad at all and that even though it's only been half a year, there have already been so many good memories that most definitely will always stay close to your heart?

Life has been generally alright for me, but there are days when I wish that the ground would just open up and swallow me. And, because I generally tend to keep all my feelings bottled inside, I end up finding myself acting like a ticking time bomb ready to explode on the next unfortunate person that talks to me. As a result, I end up finding myself spiralling into this ridiculous freefall into depression.

But times like this, I’m very thankful for friends who check up on me to ask how my sanity is holding up. I feel awful that whenever they do, I unload a whole load onto them at a speed of 0-500 words in a matter of seconds. But they are really life’s little blessings because they not only listen patiently, they deconstruct, offer advice and affirm that I can always reach out to them whenever I'm in need of a hand.

Thanks.

I wrote this for you

2010-06-12T18:41:00.005+08:00

I never sat down and decided to become a story.
I just wanted to tell one.

I never wanted to be thought of as special.
Just human.

I never set out to help people or make them feel better.
I just needed you because I felt alone.

I never wanted any credit for the way you feel.
I just wanted you to know.

--

A pleasant surprise

2010-06-07T12:15:00.005+08:00

So, I got woken up at 12p.m today (Yes, I was still fast sleeping!) by my mum to inform me that 3 people from Murdoch were at the front door looking for me. As I approached the front door thinking I was in some sort of trouble, I realized I looked like a total mess - as if I just got out of a really bad break up. But nevertheless, I approached the front door only to see 3 faces smiling back at me and as one handed me a bunch of lollies, the other told me, 'this is to help you cope with the exam stress - and I'm sorry if we might have woken you up'.

I might not have been in uber stress mode (as I was obviously sleeping till the wee hours of the afternoon!) even though I have barely started studying for my exam scheduled to take place tomorrow, but just the thought of them driving all the way down, looking for my address just to hand me a bunch of lollies, I thought that was really sweet of them. And honestly, whatever youth group that was, I would definitely be keen to be a part of it - I want to make people's day like how you guys made mine.

And, the best part is that they got my address and contact details on Murdoch orientation day when I signed up for pretty much every religious catholic/christian group I saw, but besides MUCC.. I didn't even bother attending any other events hosted by the rest of the groups. Despite the fact that I never once attended any of their events, I was still remembered.

I think this came at an awesome time. I think I've been so down this past few days, I've been having loads on my mind and I have got to the stage I honestly don't know what to do. I don't even want to talk about it, or think about it - I don't want anyone to mention anything about it. And despite all this, I think I've been lacking some form of 'love'. But, receiving a bundle of lollies from strangers, people who I have never met before and most probably have never met me before in their lives, how could I not feel loved?

It wasn't the bunch of lollies that made my day, but it was their effort to drive all the way down to CV for someone they had no idea who it was or how they looked like that really made my day.

So, thank you.. MM Multifaith Worship Center!

I really appreciate it!!

Your LGMH. (Love gives me hope)

A little humor

2010-06-03T11:29:00.002+08:00

Look what I found on my blog from last year...

Dedicated to daddy-long-legs

2010-05-31T16:03:00.009+08:00

So, I don't usually give people a lot of access to people with my blog but as you can see, I have started to give a few people exceptions to write on my blog. Anyways, this blog post is specially dedicated to...

JRFierze

I wouldn't say I'm only dedicating this blog post to him now because he wrote some nice things on my blog though what he said on my blog really was sweet and made me go 'awwwwww', *wipes tear off* But I guess now would be a good time to do a blog post about him because I honestly do owe him a genuine blog post for all the help and advices he has given me.

Well, firstly.. he has really helped me a lot over the past few months through my ups & downs and just my life problems in general. He was always there for me when I needed someone to talk to. And it's no surprise to most people that when I first met him, I really didn't even bother trying to be friends with him because of the age gap and also because of the fact that we really had nothing in common. But then again, last year.. I was a totally different person from this year (And, I had other reasons too for not wanting to be his friend, LOL!!)

But anyways, unless you are someone special, I guess you will never hear me admit this in real life but he really has portrayed a big brotherly figure to me, but honestly it's not just me but a lot of other JPYM'ers too and they might not realize it - but if they actually think about it, the co-leaders of JPYM sometimes act like our older siblings. And whether anyone actually realizes this or not, is a whole different story. But he has - for me anyways.

JPYM's Momo Queen and Daddy-long-legs
(I need to stop laughing at my own lame jokes!!)

Besides being a brotherly figure, he can sometimes be a bully. Y'know those stories where those older brothers bully their sister and pull their ponytails? Yeah, he's mean to me like that - like he has a GRUDGE against me. Over the past few weeks, he has already threatened me numerous times and carried me once and tried putting me into the toilet bowl even if it means him walking into the girl's bathroom. He has carried me and put me head first into the swimming pool and made me beg for my life. Totally mean and immature right? I reckon. He should be the one saving me and saying, I LOVE YOU, I GOT YOUR BACK!

And of course there are times I get SO annoyed with him for various reasons and I just want to wrap my hands around his neck and strangle him but, I annoy him too so I guess, it's kinda a win-win situation for both of us.

Recently, he has developed a habit of waiting for me to leave my facebook on and just updating my status for me, posting silly things and just embarrassing me in particular. Though, he really needs to stop this bad habit of being a facebook status-raper! So, any past silly status updates over the past few days were posted up from him. (Feel free to go on facebook & send him hate mails!!)

P.S: Dude, I don't need YOUUU to help me update my status. I will update it myself - GOSH. He's such a busybody sometimes don't you guys reckon?

So anyways, what can I tell YOU blog readers about Joel Anthony aka Joel Rodrick Fierze/JRFierze/Diva/JL/Bee and many other silly names that he calls himself...

Well, let's just say, first impression of him really is not the best impression of him. I'm sorry to say - but then again, this whole blog post is purely from my point of view. It's only when you really get to know him that you get the best impression of him. He tends to look and act intimidating when you just get to know him but if you get a chance to have a one-to-one conversation with him, you might see that there is a 'nice' side to him after all. Mostly - maybe - kinda. I wouldn't place my bet on it though. Neh, funny stuff aside, if you make a decent effort to get to know him, he WILL put in the same effort back to get to know you. Friendship is and always will be a two-way street.

And yeah, he's also the co-leader of JPYM for those that don't already know. Though during JPYM, he is a totally different person - though that's for me to know, and for you guys to find out.

So anyways, here are just some things that I have observed from my point of view of hanging around him. Joel is shy, sensitive and quiet by nature, but once you get to know him, gosh - the 'diva-ness' just won't stop. It's never ending and sometimes, it drives you insane!! Jokes, doesn't really bother me hey. Anyhoo, he is really fun to hang around with even though there is a 4 year age gap. But still, it doesn't mean the friendship won't work. I guess, I just have to put in more of an effort in the friendship, that's all. But God definitely played a part in it too. Though, even till this day, I am still trying to figure out some things about him that sometimes really annoy me. But what's the fun if I know everything about him right?

Anyhoo, I really am just procrastinating here....

So I guess I am just going to end it with..

He really is a friend worth keeping.

There, I said it. LOLOLOL.
don't make me say it in real life.

P.S: Shoutout to ALL the core JPYM'ers out there, I love you guys!!

Rock on'

TRIPLE THREAT TAKE OVA!!!

2010-05-31T12:36:00.005+08:00

TAKE OVA no. 3 - Brought to u by the one and only - JRFierze :)

MAY ZHANG @ MAY RODRICK FIERZE @ MAY JAGGER FIERZE ???!? Who is she really? Where do you start??

Haha - sometimes life calls for various identities - staying true to yourself is the hardest thing so Ive learnt over the years! Going from "trying to fit in" to "being your own" is really a hard journey. However, when you get there it really is the best thing you can ask for.

Being your own individual unique in your own way. What more can you ask for - not caring what the "haterz" think. Besides who gave others the right to be a judge over yourself anyways - what makes "them: so righteous!!?

HAHA anyway focus back to may - a lovely person - you really have to dig deep into that exterior to get to the real May. Deep down she is lovely and beautiful.

Shy - BUT - Strong
Scared - BUT - FIERZE
TIMID - BUT - LOUD :)

Anyway there are people that come your way and they leave - Im sure may is here to stay and I wish to tell her to believe in herself and she will most definitely go far.

AND NOW BACK TO ME:- Ive never written a blog - this is actually the first time - I will end it on a high note...

Its great to have true sincere loving people surround you - it makes life a whole lot easier and fun - Im sure God sent the right people to surround me - and that is LOVE! No one can tear us apart :) Love u guyz.

ps. Shout out to all those suffering from loneliness and depression - if you search - there is Love waiting to surround you. Look up to God and around!

LOVE U ALL

GB

peace out - JRF <3

May & Abby

2010-05-27T00:12:00.009+08:00

I think, there are times when we try to *click* with someone and when we don't succeed the first time, we lose hope and sometimes, we become discouraged and don't even bother trying in the future because we think that if we are meant to get along, it will come naturally. And I'm not denying that I don't think like that, because I do. But as time went by, I realize that I was wrong. I started to observe how people put in an effort to get to know me and in return, I found myself putting in an effort to get to know them. If I didn't do the same, the friendships I have now would never have worked out the way it has.

Sure, most of my friendship did not actually start the way I would have liked it to start off and to be honest, some of them.. I never really thought there was any hope or spark of a friendship there but hey, friendship is and will always be a rollercoaster ride. You can either hold on tight to the railing no matter how unsmooth the ride is or you can shout 'I give up'.

So anyways.. the reason why I begin my blog post about this is because I never thought that Me and Abby could really *click* to a point where we would really get down nitty gritty and get to know each other for who each other are. I don't mean to make this sound bad but our friendship was very 'organic' (basic). We knew each other, we didn't mind each other's company, but we never really knew in-depth of each other? And so, tonight.. we got our chance.

Let's just say, it all started out when I invited her to hang out with me and my cell-group at darkzone. Unfortunately, there was a darkzone league going on and we didn't know about it. As a result, the plans for cell-group was totally screwed up and Me and Abby decided to go have dinner before heading back to the library/Abby's flat to study.

So we decided to go Myaree, and we ate at...

IPOH GARDEN!
(we were going to eat at the Hong Kong place but it was closed!)

We could not decide on what to order...

So we ordered... *drum rolls*

23 Ipoh "New Town" Curry Laksa

13 Ipoh Hor Fun

25 Hainanese Chicken Rice

Honestly, we could not decide which to get so we ended up getting all 3. It really was such a hard decision to make but possibly the best decision because all 3 of them were just so yummy.

Root Beer!

And we chatted a little more before the food came out...

When the food came out, the only thing running through our head were..

Oh no! What have we done to ourself, but not to fear...
JPYM representatives are here...
(That rhymes!)

And, we finished everything without ANY complains except for a few pieces of chicken..

So anyways, we stayed at the restaurent for over 2 hours just chatting and bonding with each other. And gosh, time really flew by...

Don't get us mistaken, there was a time way back in February when we were hanging out with a group of friends where our friendship started to make some progress and she shared with me things here and there occasionally but I guess we both never really put in the effort to make it last when we stopped hanging out with that group until today.

So anyways, we got bubble tea and headed back to Abby's flat to continue talking until 11.30p.m when I decided to head home because I had a curfew.

Let's just say.. the talk that we had shall remain a secret.

We made a pact, a handshake AND that is legit.
(kinda like a pinky promise, no one breaks a pinky promise!)

Right so this post might get a little messy but here are some pictures of JPYM'ers at Murdoch library 'studying' just before Me and Abby headed to darkzone to meet up with my cell-group.

I swear I did get work done!!
This was during our unexpected 'breaks'.

Which consisted mostly of watching youtube videos & laughing uncontrollably.
Oh, and it's awesome how we have the same taste when we come to youtube videos.

I might be killed for uploading this...

But, revenge sure is sweet!

--

So anyways, I casually asked Abby if she would like to type up a one paragraph about tonight and she gladly agreeded. (She even wrote more than 1 paragraph!)

She asked me to edit and cut things out but I'm not going to be doing that.

So here it goes...

HERRO peoples! ANYWHO, what I am about to write now is what I WOULD write if I had a blog, but I don’t because I don’t think I can keep up with the pace/awesomeness of other professional bloggers and I would actually like disappoint my blog stalkers and end up with rotten eggs thrown at my window HAHAHA! SOOOO I opted that out, but here’s an amateur go at it.

May Zhang. What can I say. What can you say?? Yeah. You can say a lot biatch! Yes I can! (Totally had a bipolar moment then) She is totally…wait for it…VAIT FOR ITTT…MAY-VERLOUS! Like marvelous…mayverlous like cuz mar sounds like may cuz u know…yeah. No? okay fine. I thought it was pretty catchy & imaginative, but okay.

I thought tonight was really special because I got MAY-VERLOUS (should I stop saying that?) ALL to myself and we had our very first one-on-one which I thought was hell awesome. Since exams are in TWO DAYS (*slits wrists= excess blood loss*) I was library-ing alongside May & the Anthony’s. Anywho, May had plans to laser tag with another crew of people and asked if I wanted to tag along (chyyeahhh booiii) but that plan got stuffed up and we ended up going to IPOH restaurant in Myaree for dinner! I know God was being extra sneaky here and planned the night like this, so me and May would get one-on-one time. The conversation is disclosed, but let me just say, I’m really really glad the night turned out the way that it did. =D

May is someone who at first might, wait no, WILL come across as a very, very shy individual. And I have to admit when I first met her way back at the end of last year, I thought that we might not gel just because I was an obnoxious loudmouth and she was completely the opposite. BUT when you crack her shell open and dig in deep to find the REAL May, DAMN that girl has SPUNK and PERSONALITY and she’s hell funny too (you turn my insides into knots from all the laughter- I literally had bowel problems).

MAY, you may like totally love me cuz of my American accent (WHY, I PRONOUNCE STUFF WERIDLY=P), but I now realize that I actually LOVE YOU for you. You actually are a living example that people are really not what they seem at first and you should never judge a book by its cover cuz that person might turn out to be one of the few people that you trust or love. Keep being yourself, be true to your heart and if you do happen to change, I know that it will be a positive change. I know God’s on your side, but I want you to know that I am too. I love you, and SO TOTALLY got your back. MWAHHHHHHHHHHH SEX-AY
(That wasn’t a paragraph)

--

So yeah, and here is my response to Abby.

Hey Abby dizzle my fizzle for shizzle nizzle! It was really an awesome time to really get to bond with you. I think the talk that we had was honestly an awesome conversation. I'm really glad that you found the REAL May because most people don't see that or try to break open that shell. And even though I barely revealed secrets, it was funny to see how you reacted when you realized something about me that you didn't know before that was always there for sharing, you just needed to dig for it and I am glad you did that today. I sure am sorry that I haven't been putting the effort to get to know you even though somehow we manage to have d&m conversations here & there without knowing it.

*nudges*

And you know that whatever happens, I got your back!

And also, I don't love you just because of your American accent! If I did I would be loving George Bush wouldn't I? You silly girl. I love you, because your you. And that's all that matters.

Oh yeah, so much for us studying - 3 days before exam!

HACKED TEMPORAILY by Matt Poi

2010-05-23T19:57:00.007+08:00

HI GUYS! This is not May, this is Matthew Poi, May's twin brother (so I claim), yes i know, i didn't know may had a twin brother either. well apparently, I have taken over may's blog temporarily. (i have hacked into may's blog and now has control over her blog!! Bwahahahahahaha!!!)

Well...we are the REAL DIVAS OF JPYM (sorry joel, it was your time...SHOTDOWN!!!)
(pls don't kill us. jon told us to write this. take jon's life instead. SACRIFICE!)^

ANYWAYS.
I have never done a blog before or told anyone anything about my life. im like a ninja, ya'know. i'm there, but u don't notice me, i blend in with mah surroundings. for those who do not know me. this is some of me.

I am 17 (thats rights ladies, i'm legal)
I am left-handed.
I have more than 12 siblings (4 actual ones and an ungodly number of siblings on FB)
I have the best parents in the world.
I am not mean for those who know me.
I apparently am a ninja.
I have a lot of energy.
I am like a Pro in Chinese Opera!

Alot of people ask why May and I are twins because most of them do not know what is so common between the both of us...

Well, to answer your Question, here are a few things that make us both similar:

1. we are both left-handed (much like the owner of this blog.)
2. we are both really sensitive people
(only that one of us can take criticism more than the other.)
3. we both share the same thoughts and views (may likes bruce, I like being bruce)
4. we both can eat heaps of instant noodles!!!(and we both get into alot of trouble because of it.)
5. we both over-react and overthink alot. (Like...alot)
6. we both Love God (A-men)
7. we both love hanging around each other.
8. we Love JPYM..alot.
9. we both live in CV. (CV stands for common vicinity)
10. we are TWINS.

well those are just some things about me and some common things i share with May.

I have never done this before and for those who do not appreciate such perfect entries such as this. I will not be doing this again so I am doing you a Favour because I'm a nice guy...

ANYWAYS
catch you guys later.

M.P...

My self-esteem just dropped to 0%

2010-05-20T15:00:00.010+08:00

Why should you judge me when you barely know me? You thought you knew me well but turns out you obviously knew nothing about me. Why would you judge my actions when you don’t even know my motive? It’s just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is to strike a defenseless one. Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of people instead of things.

And when personal judgement is forbidden, men’s first concern is not how to choose, but how to justify their choice. But did they? Don't judge any man until you've walked two moons in his moccasins. And never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people - your family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers you meet along the way.

Your judgements will only judge you, and nothing will reveal in you, the only thing it will do is expose your weaknesses, more ingeniusly than the attitude of pronouncing upon your own fellows. For me, only a kind person is able to judge another person justly to make allowances for their weaknesses. A kind eye, while recognizing defects, sees beyond them. And, you are obviously not one of them.

You have no right to call anyone a hypocrite, when you yourself judge others first. It's karma. So, judge not thy neighbor until thou art come into his place. Bear that in mind.

--

The words you said really hurt me deep - deeper than I thought you would ever hurt me. And no, I will not tell you this - if you ask, I will deny it. I am not even going to bother, because I know you meant exactly what you said. And, I accept the truth. Right now, I'm scared everyone will judge and look at me the way you did. And, I have every right to think like that.

I wish you could feel the 'power' of the words you said to me.
The heart is screaming for HELP but the mind is too embarrassed to ask for help.

I can't do this alone.

May and Sindhu's unexpected encounter

2010-05-14T00:00:00.008+08:00

Note: This post might get really wordy!

On Thursday, I woke up after what seemed like a really long and deep sleep, attempted to find my phone with both my eyes close by using only my sense of touch, finally found it, looked at the time on my phone with my squinty eyes and immediately jumping out of bed like a ninja. It's amazing how fast I managed to jump out of my bed when I looked at the time. It was like a reflex, as if my comfy bed immediately turned into a really hot burning oven.

So anyways, I took a quick shower then rushed to the bus stop so that I could catch my other lecture only to end up waiting half an hour for my bus which was meant to be there 20 minutes ago. If the weather was fine, I wouldn't be complaining too much about waiting at the bus stop but the weather was so cold and there was no sun - at all! My hands were so cold that after 10 minutes, they started to get numb and finally.. when the bus came, I had difficulty getting my smartrider out of my jacket because my fingers were just so numb I couldn't feel my smartrider.

When I got on the bus, I saw a school mate on the bus wearing the leavers jumper and the only thought in my head was, 'OH MY GOSH! It's 'wear your year 12 jersey day'!! I totally forgot about it and I was so sussed about it. So anyways, I rushed to my 2nd lecture of the day which ended up being so boring, I learnt NOTHING and it ended half an hour early. Just purr-fect!

So anyways, deciding that today just wasn't my day, I headed home.

Then, at Murdoch Station, I saw Sindhu board the bus. And you guys have probably never heard this name before but that's just Joyce and Joel's cousin which I guess is my cousin too. No joke! so anyways.. my face immediately went..

o__O

and the thoughts running through my brain was...(slow motion)

'OH-MY-GOSH. Should I say hi, she's staring at me, maybe i'll wave, but what if she doesn't wave back, that would be embarassing. I think I'll just look away. No-no, I did that a few weeks ago, I shouldn't be rude. we are 'cousins' after all. OH.. I' should stop thinking, thinking about everything is thinking about nothing'.

And yeah, before I could even finish thinking, she sat beside and I'm like...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

hi.

So anyways, it wasn't that bad, I don't even know why I so nervous about seeing her - so silly. I got along with her pretty well on the bus, and when I finally ran out of things to talk to her about, I tried to tell her a joke and she seemed to know the answer because apparently she's already heard that joke from Joyce. So, that was the only awkward moment with her, when she correctly answered my joke. I was like '...' HAHAHA.

So anyways, I was contemplating on whether I should go to Livingston to grab some sweets to motivate myself to study and I wasn't too sure because the weather looked like it was just about to rain. So there I was, contemplating... then, Sindhu offered to accompany me to Livingston. So nice aye?

HAIII CANDIES. COME TO MAMA.

So anyways, we were walking home from Livingston and we were passing the CVC middle school car park when all of a sudden, I had this really strong feeling that me and Sindhu should cross the road instead of walking on people's lawn. I had this really heavy feeling in my chest and I felt myself slowly being pushed by someone to cross the road. That feeling was indescribable. So I told Sindhu 'I think we should cross the road', so we did.

A few seconds after we crossed the road, this 4 wheel drove past and I heard this loud sound. We both turned our heads and at first glance, I thought the 4 wheel drive just went over this cardboard because when it flew up, it looked like a cardboard (and it sounded like that) but then on second glance, we both realize it was a CAT. That noise, was the cat being ran over.

We saw the cat's tail go UP and then it lied sprawled on the road. It's hands were stretched out and it was still moving and shaking. It was so scary. We were stunned - shocked. Everyone just stared at the cat for like what seems like a while before people started to slowly approach the cat. This girl got out of her car and wanted to carry the cat from the road onto the path but as she approached the cat, she screamed 'EWW. The cat's eye is popping out'.

Can you imagine if me and Sindhu did not cross the road. If I didn't follow my instinct, we would have LITERALLY been RIGHT there. Like directly in front of where the cat was. Because of the way the cat was facing, we would have seen the cat's eyebal pop out of it's socket and honestly, we would have been haunted for life. No doubt about that. Thank goodness, we crossed the road.

The feeling I had in my chest was really an undescribable feeling.
Thank you to my guardian angel for watching over me.

So yeah, That was scary!

After staring at the cat for a few minutes, we decided to carry on with our plan which was for me to show her a really cool park with waterfall and swings. So yeah, we went there.. walked around. She absoutely loved it and then we started to head back to my house because it started drizzling.. Her sister didn't want to pick her up because she was watching a cooking show, so I walked her home in the drizzling rain. LOLOLOL.

So yeah, met Villa at their house and we chatted for about 5 minutes before Sindhu drove me home. So yeah. Had a nice time hanging out with her. Then came home, and got ready to catch the movie 'IP man 2' with Sunny. The movie was really good!! Definitely recommend it. I thought IP Man was good, but IP man 2 was way better.

Yeah, yeah. I know it's wordy!
But I was trying to make this post really in-depth so that whatever I felt at that moment, I was trying to make my blog readers feel the same thing. Maybe, I failed. LOL. But, I tried.

Anyways, going to go bath and get ready for choir.

P.S: I got my P's.
So happy, I can drive around by myself now.

You should know...

2010-05-13T00:44:00.001+08:00

25 Things About Other People:

1. Most people hide their suffering better than you think; you pass dozens of people a day on the street without any idea how well they're wearing their tragedies.

2. People's names are the sweetest sounds they hear. You should make a point of being good at learning and using them.

3. People love to spread their misery around, but not as much as they enjoy being lifted out of it.

4. Being young is not in and of itself an achievement. Neither is being beautiful. But people often treat you as if they are.

5. For a lot of people, music is a reflection of who they are and their relationship to life. Remember that before insulting someone's tastes in music.

6. The Golden Age never existed. People are always trying to get back to a time when things were simpler and better. The world was a far more dangerous place 50 years ago, especially if you were black or a woman or gay or diagnosed with cancer.

7. Most people, whatever their choice of profession, feel like complete novices who are about to be found out as frauds and fakers.

8. Most people love quite helplessly, despite what they would have you believe.

9. Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I'll show you a man who's bored with taking her to bed. Show me the most devoted husband, and I'll show you a woman who feels that he's just not doing enough. A lot of people are never satisfied because...

10. Most people have no idea what they want out of life, let alone how to get it. Most others are still waiting for someone to give them permission.

11. Whatever it is about yourself that you're trying to hide, it's usually the first thing someone else notices about you.

12. You should call your mother and tell her you love her. Like most women who decide to marry and have children or help take care of a dying parent, she probably sacrificed a lot of her dreams to be there for you, and she wishes that you appreciated her more for it. Susan Boyle represented this demographic powerfully, but for every one like her, there were a thousand women like your mother who will never get that standing ovation.

13. If you tell a man about your problems, he assumes you want some sort of help or advice. If you tell a woman about your problems, she assumes you simply want a shoulder to cry on. Women rarely want to be told what to do about a problem, and men rarely want to be coddled through a hard time.

14. Creative people thrive on feedback. You can never give them enough of it, and you will endear yourselves to them mightily if you do it frequently, thoughtfully, and honestly. They understand the value of time far better than most think.

15. For most people religion is a social commitment more than a spiritual one.

16. A lot of people who consider themselves intelligent can't properly label all the states on a map, or all the countries in Europe, let alone Africa or the Middle East. Most couldn't list off the ten commandments, five pillars, or the amendments of the Constitution, and feel that politics are too complicated to bother with understanding, let alone talking about.

17. A lot of Christians have never, and will never, read the Bible. Most of them will conduct their lives exactly as they would if they'd never attended a single church service. It is nearly impossible to tell a Christian from an atheist by their actions alone. Both Christians and atheists will probably find the previous statement offensive.

18. For nearly every crazy idea, you can find a fully credentialed scientist who will back it up.

19. People are more frequently kind and compassionate than they are fooled by our manipulations or lies.

20. Life often works in reverse. People treat strangers more politely than their family or friends. People will ask their best girlfriend to come over and cut their hair without a thought to payment, but would never dream of calling a mechanic they found in the phonebook and asking them to donate their time and labor to fix a broken-down car.

21. Everyone has done something they would be desperately embarrassed for anyone else to know about.

22. Never joke with a man about his sexual performance, and never joke with a woman about her appearance. No matter how much they make fun of these things in themselves, never, never do it for them. They may laugh along with you, but you've just driven a tiny needle into their brain.

23. Most women get married because they want to have a wedding, most men get married because they are ready to settle down with a woman for the rest of their lives. Women, statistically speaking, are more likely to suffer clinical depression if married, and initiate upwards of 80% of all divorces citing irreconcilable differences. People expect a significant other to change their lives and make them happy, without any conception of how this change will take place. It's sort of like assuming a college degree is going to guarantee you security in life without ever thinking of how this can be practically possible. I call this the "If you build it, they will come" approach to romance, and one out of every two times it ends in divorce.

24. Most people are worried they're not having as much fun as they should be. This usually makes men cheat and women nag.

25. When you insult or offend someone, always admit it and apologize promptly, even if it wasn't your intention or you had no idea. It is always better to be a penitent villain than to appear so socially inept as to not recognize when you've hurt the people around you. An evil genius is someone to bring to your side, a blundering fool is someone to keep as far away from you as possible.

Unexplainable

2010-05-11T00:43:00.009+08:00

I ~~stole~~ took this from Felicia's blog because it was just so meaningful. When I first read it on her blog, I couldn't help but re-read it a few times because the words were so deep and the thoughts that has been on my mind for a while now, I could never seem to find words to explain it and here they were explained for me. However, it has been edited and tweeked a little here and there because I really wanted to make it relate 100% to me. But yeah kudos to her aye.

--

We are all trying to figure out who we are in this world.
Who our real friends are,
where we think we fit in life,
what type of person we want to eventually become,
what we want to do with our life,
And what makes us, us.

In life, we learn to read between the lines,
we learn why things are different.
we learn about shades of grey,
and not just black and white.

we learn why some things work out, while others don't.
we learn that when love doesn't work out
when our heart feels like it's been put through a mincing machine; we'll survive.
That even though our chest hurts like crazy
and we think it will never go away, sometimes it does;
and it fades into a warm fuzzy memory.

That the obstacles are there to see how we handle them.
That even though crying does not solve anything,
but sure as hell makes us feel better.
We learn not to sweat the small stuff.

To differentiate between those who wants to see us fall from those who will be there to see us soar.

The World Shoved Me

2010-05-08T00:40:00.000+08:00

And you can tell when you look at them that it's everyone else who made them this way.
Or maybe just, someone else.

Aaron’s 23rd Birthday Party

2010-05-04T01:42:00.005+08:00

On Sunday, it was Aaron’s 23rd birthday party at Point Walters!

I shall let the pictures shall do most of the talking…
(because it’s 1:30a.m & I’m tired!!)

- Oh look, the co-leaders of JPYM! (Kathleen & Joel)

The red cloth was our MASCOT for that day!
(Actually, it was also easier for the rest of the cars following us to identify our car!)

Joyce Rodrick Fierze!
THE PARTY DON’T START TILL WE WALKED IN!

John Paul Youth Models in the making!

Matt fell in while attempting to catch the Frisbee..

Everyone was laughing and clapping at him! LOLOL.

Then Yohaan fell in the water…

Boys looking for fish to feed JPYM’ers…

Found a dinosaur instead – even better!

Then the models came out…

Jon and Matt Poi

Then the group shots started coming…

Joyce Rodrick Fierze, May Rodrick Fierze and Joel Rodrick Fierze.

Joyce and her hubby!

Abby: What’s that? My fans want to take a picture with me? Let them in.

Abby looks famous here!! Don’t you reckon?

Then.. Teddy opened his presents!!

John Paul Youth Models!

Joel and Tiffany needed to do their business…

Then… JUMP SHOTS!

Finally… SUCCESS!

BEST GROUP SHOT EVER!

And yeah… it was getting late so we slowly headed home..

Once again…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON!!

Sleepover

2010-05-03T22:01:00.008+08:00

It's the month of a-MAY-zing!
:)

Anyways, I never really planned on blogging about my weekend with the Rodrick Fierze/Anthony but Joyce kepts bugging me on MSN to blog about it so here it goes.
.
.
.

Within minutes of arriving at the Anthony's house, I knew I was going to be tortured by the Anthony's. I just knew it. Less than 10 minutes after I arrived, Joel came into Joyce's room, looked straight at me, gave me a wink and then without any notice, grabbed me by the ear and dragged me all the way to the toilet and tried to push my head into the toilet bowl.

When I tried to escape from Joel's grasp, he told Joyce to bring his toy snake from his room and they wrapped it around my neck and strangled me. I was left gasping for air while they were both giggling at me with their hands around my neck. Finally, they set me free. Just when I thought it was all over, Joel pushed me unto a sofa and said...

"YOU THINK YOU CRAZY? I SHOW YOU CRAZY".

It was there that I regret coming to their house for a sleepover.
The rest of the night was pretty bad.

They ass-slapped me every opportunity they could get and after 15 minutes, my ass was so sore I just wanted to go home. When I finally got the courage to tell Joel I wanted to go home, he gave me the most intimidating look and said...

"OH, HELL NO! GURL... HOLD MI EARRINGS"
(with a black accent)
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Actually, I'm just kidding!
That wasn't what happened!

Let's just say, it was one of those weekends where you have so much things to say but you just don't know how to say it. No words can describe everything that happened on the sleepover. It was the smallest things that really made it memorable. All you need to know was that it was an a-MAY-zing weekend that has once again gained a place in my heart.

Thank you for an awesome time...

Ms. Gorgeous & Mr. a-MAY-zing!

What happened yesterday?

2010-04-28T18:21:00.010+08:00

What happened yesterday?

It was about the unexpected car ride around the church car park with Tiffany driving while sitting on top of Abby's lap, Yohaan sitting in the passenger seat with Matt on top of his lap and Me, Joel and Joyce sitting at the back seat.

It was hanging out at the church carpark, blasting Joel's music to a 'reasonable' volume, chatting about anything that came to mind. For me, it was just being surrounded by people I felt comfortable around that made everything fun.

It was stealing Joel's toy snake from the back of his car, sneaking it into Yohaan's car and screaming at Yohaan to drive off before he noticed - WHICH he did!

It was Joel and Joyce realizing that I still had his toy snake that led to a mini game of car chasey in the church car park. Which made me wonder... what was a toy snake doing in the back of a 21 year old's car. HAHAHAHAHA.

It was about Abby hiding Joel's wallet while we were in his car and totally forgetting that she still had it when we left. It was seeing Abby's reaction when she saw Joel's wallet in her bag, It was a you-got-to-be-beside-abby-moment to see her face - PRICELESS. But, thankfully, we manage to pass it to him before he left in the other direction or we would have had to make an unexpected visit to his house.

It was about getting Macdonald's FAMILY meal and having supper at Tiffy's house.

It was the phone call with Joyce and Joel that led to everyone passing the phone around to each other so they could take turns talking to the Anthony's.

It was being told that if I did not return the snake, I could have borrowed it for a few nights that led me to chuck a hissy fit while on the phone with Joyce and hoping I could rewind the time so I could take the snake home.

It was about talking to Abby, Yohaan, Tiffy about anything and everything from who snores at night to who grind their teeth at night. It was about our reminiscing our childhood hand games and watching Yohaan burn his leg and arm hair. It was about Abby pulling one long strand of hair out so she could watch how fast her hair took to burn. It was about Abby trying to listen to the gas from Yohaan's lighter and Yohaan scaring her in the midst of it. Abby's face: PRICELESS.

It was me telling them the sound I made when I stretch in the morning which led to watching Abby and Tiffy falling from the sofa on to the floor laughing uncontrollably.

It was bending down to read something on Tiffy's fridge before I went home and being ass-slapped by Abby, Yohaan & Tiffy in a row if I'm not wrong, who were walking past. I guess it was their way of saying, 'bye'. HAHA. I guess it could be the new 'I love you, I got your back'. LOL. (Private Joke)

It was returning home from Tiffy's house at 2a.m in the morning because Tiffy had work tomorow and needed to sleep only to log on MSN and see Tiffy start an MSN conversation with me even though she claim she had to sleep. LOLOL

A simple night.. with an awesome company!

I deserve to be slapped

2010-04-25T15:48:00.007+08:00

I'll be honest, I've said this before but there was a time I would race home from school, take out all my homework and lay them in a neat pile on the side of my desk. I would then slowly tackle each of them in order of how they were stacked, usually completing ALL my homework just in time to catch The Simpsons on TV at 6p.m. Believe it or not, I was always in bed by latest 9p.m. But that was about 6 years ago.

Now, in 2010... I would crawl back from a shitty day at university, chuck my bag on the floor at the corner of my room, procrastinate at the mounting pile of assignments just waiting to be completed, log on facebook to check my notifications, create plans with friends to hang out later at night then with the remaining spare hours, I would settle for nanna naps or 'How I met your Mother'. And it doesn't stop there. I would come home in the wee hours of the morning and continue to talk on MSN until sunrise. (Best MSN conversations always happens late at night)

So yeah, maybe that's why I have a really bad habit of leaving my assignments 1 or 2 days before it's due then start stressing out over it and finding myself cramming my assignments to the wee hours of the morning on the day that it's due.

If only assignments, were just a little less testing and a little more engaging then I probably wouldn't end up turning my graph paper into a dot-to-dot game, end up tracing around the staple bullets found at the top left side of my paper or proceed to draw love hearts all over the free space located on my paper.

I know I've said this before but I am going to be majorly busy over the next few weeks.
:'(

And, I know I make no sense.

I complain about how busy I am, about how assignments are taking over my life... yet I still seem to find time to procrastinate, make plans to hang out with friends and watch 'How I met your Mother' for hours.

Sometimes, I deserve to be slapped.

Priceless Treasures

2010-04-21T17:35:00.002+08:00

I saw this on Tiffy's blog this morning when I woke up...

Reading this made my heart break in a different way - a good way.
Can't deny it didn't leave smiles on my face for the rest of the day.

Overall, I really love the close friend(s) I have right now.
I feel really lucky to have found them, they are like my rock.
I wouldn't swap them for anything - they are like priceless treasures.

Anyways, I better get started on my assignments...

P.S: Thank you Mr. Awesome for going shopping with me.

PEACE OUT GUYS!

Stressed. Stressed. STRESSED.

2010-04-18T18:24:00.004+08:00

I just looked through my diary and checked all my schedules of upcoming events over the next few weeks. All I can say is, I am going to be so busy and stressed out over the next 3 weeks. In fact, if I look at the bigger picture, I might be very busy and stressed out for the next 2 months until all my assignments and exams are over.

The only thing going through my head right now is my weekly university timetable, due dates for assignment that ALL seems to clash at the same time, cell-group fortnightly meeting, design commitee, planning of formation games, upcoming birthday parties, youth, hang out (I need a break) and study group (with tiffy). It's getting so monotonous and all this is just a little too much for me. To be honest, I don't want to scarifice any of them but I know I'm going to have to give & take.

I'm not doing anything right now not because I have nothing to do, but because I just found out.. I have too much to do. And, I no longer know where to start.

The pressure, mounting pile of assignemnts just there waiting for me...
it's overwhelming.

And we couldn't wait to grow up

2010-04-13T12:46:00.004+08:00

Lollipops turn into cigarettes.
The innocent ones turn into sluts.
Homework goes in the trash.
Mobile phones are being used in class.
Detention becomes suspension.
Soda becomes vodka.
Underwear turns into thongs.
Bikes become cars.
Kisses turn into sex.

Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground?
When protection meant wearing a helmet not a condom?
When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?
Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and Mom was your hero?

Your worst enemies were your siblings.
Race issues were about who ran the fastest.
War was only a board game.
And the only drug you knew was cough medicine.
The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees.

Goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?
The only drama you knew of was Romeo and Juliet?
The only thing you could cheat in was a game?
Players were for sports not relationships?

The only way we could change was with our clothes and not ourselves.
Yet, we absolutely could not wait to grow up?

And now, growing up is our greatest fear.

~ Anon

a reminisce of this week...

2010-04-11T12:40:00.009+08:00

Note: BRACE YOURSELF - this is going to be a very wordy post.

This study week (aka holidays to me) has been really busy but yet, there were lots of good memories. My main aim this week was to work on my assignments which I barely touched. However, I think this holidays has been a life-changing journey for me.

I have learnt that giving someone a hug could be the smallest thing as putting your arms around them for a few seconds but it's seeing the smiles that forms on their face that really means the most.

I have learnt that no matter how close you are with someone, there are times.. when they are just going to offend and upset you, and vice-versa. But, sometimes.. you just forgive them because you know that deep inside, you love them and you still want them in your life.

I have learnt that there are times, you are going to find yourself on different wavelengths with your close friends and that you can't exactly 'click' with them. But instead of sulking and moaning, don't think too much about it and just let it go - don't even bother trying. If it comes back, it's yours.. if it doesn't, it never was.

Just before the end of last year, I got told that I am quite a 'mystery' to others. (And when I tell people that they are a mystery to others, it's a bad thing - a flaw in MY dictionary.) So, this year, I have been trying really hard to make myself less of a mystery because I wanted to be potrayed differently. Because if there's something I learnt, 'If your being seen as quiet, reserved and someone that keeps things to yourself (A mystery), then don't expect people to share their worries and troubles with you". It's human nature. If you portray yourself as a 'mystery', then you are going to find people portraying themselves as a 'mystery' back to you. That's why being a 'mystery' to others - FLAW. Friendship is and always will be a two-way street. Don't expect others to open up to you, if you don't open up to them. I learnt that the hard way but I've changed now.

I have learnt that your role model will never always be the same - it changes with time. Also, I have learnt that people actually look up to me as a role model. I'm kinda flattered but the responsibility and pressure of being a good role model to them kinda scares me.

I have learnt that, when your comfortable with someone, how long you know them doesn't seem to matter. If your comfortable with them and you see them opening up to you, and you feel like doing the same, don't hold yourself back. Go with the gut feeling.

How else should I describe my holidays? Well...
(in no particular order - please excuse the messy wordy post)

It was receiving an e-mail telling me I got one of the Murdoch Scholarship. It was about hanging out with friends I was never close to before. It was about enjoying the company of a new circle of friends - CV Crew. It was sending friends off at the airport and knowing that I was part of the biggest circle of friends there bidding her a safe trip compared to the rest of the crowd. Now, that's friendship. The decision to get maccas at 12 midnight with the CV crew and eating it together on the top of Yohaan's car in an empty car park while sharing 2 drinks between 6 people. It was about waking up, immediately logging on facebook during lunch time and within 20 minutes, finding yourself in the car heading to spencer village for lunch wiith Tiffy & Kathleen.

It was the group hugs and the 'I love you, I got your back' with JPYM'ers. It was about meeting my cell-group for the first time, and not noticing that it was already past 12a.m and that everyone has been chatting for over 5 hours. It was about checking my phone to see 6 missed call from the same person, thinking that he was in trouble, I frantically called him back only to realize that all they wanted to ask me was whether I wanted to watch 'Clash of the Titans' together with the rest of the CV crew. It was about receiving a call from Yohaan telling me that if I ever need someone to talk to, I would know how to get in contact with him with made me go 'Awwwww'. It was staying up to 5a.m with Tiffy and falling asleep while in the midst of a conversation. It was being woken up before 12a.m everyday either because of a text or phone call(s). It was about catching up with my school cliques at Nicholson Bar & Grill, and realizing that I was on different wavelengths with them and that lots of things have changed in the past few months.

It was about watching Tiffy teach Yohaan how to play Mahjong. It was getting a FAMILY meal from maccas for the first time during our break from Mahjong. It was not wearing make-up in front of the CV crew (my friends) for the first time since I started to wear make up and just learning to not be so self conscious. Like I said, if you feel comfortable with them, go with your gut feeling. It was the feeling of being involved in a crew where everyone really made an effort to build friendships and slowly got to understand each individual's flaws and accepting them. It was the late night d&m conversations with the CV crew. It was about going to Yohaan's room and seeing a Superman poster and feeling my heart sink. It was receiving a gift from a friend that just recently came back on a holiday and knowing that you were remembered.

(OMG - don't your eyes kill when you read this? Mine does.)
I doubt anyone's going to read up to here. lol.

It was being surprised and attempting to surprise someone - which backfired. It was leaving bubble tea outside their door with a note, ringing the doorbell, attempting to run away and hitting my leg on the side of their car then hitting the car twice and swearing at it then realizing I was such an idiot. It was giving someone a surprise and hoping that it would make your day like it made theirs and knowing you still felt down as before even after making someone's day. It was telling the anthony's, it's a SECRET and telling them not to mention about this to others and hours later, being tagged on a facebook status and realizing they just announced it to the whole facebook world and knowing that I now officially owe surprises to 10 other people. It's a 'secret' for a reason. It was about JPYM sitting in a whole row of seats in church and swaying together to the music and clapping to the same beat during easter mass. It was receiving a phone call, with someone saying 'Hi. Did you know, I love you and I got your back way more than you think I do. Bye" and realizing that they forgot to put their phone on private. It was about logging on facebook, checking my notifcations and seeing majority of them to be JPYM'ers/Rodrick Fierze.

So yeah, It was a really great week for me. I think right now, my life seems to consist mostly of JPYM'ers. It's kinda good thing but yet a bad thing. Sometimes, I get so comfortable with one group, I tend to forget about the rest. My apologies!

Exams are coming up soon, assignments are pilling up and this constant hanging out was definitely fun and enjoyable but unfortunately, it's time we press 'pause' and concentrate on our studies. Of course we will still see each other during youth and events so it's not really goodbye.

Please note that CV crew is not a 'group' meant to offend anyone who thinks they are not part of it because they don't live in Canning Vale. We never meant it as a side group from JPYM. It's just a 'name' because majority of the people who chooses to hang out together all live in Canning Vale and the reason CV crew started to form subconsciously was because, I think we all wanted to grow our friendships with each other and look to each other for support.
(But, Invitation is ALWAYS open to core members of JPYM)

So yes.
Goodbye for now~

Inner Strength

2010-04-10T16:35:00.002+08:00

I'm scared of being happy. Everytime I achieve happiness, God seems to be testing me by giving me harder problems and issues to handle. I'm guessing he trust that I can find the strength to handle it myself but to be honest, I wish he didn't trust me that much. I'm starting to doubt myself. Everything bad seems to be happening all at the same time.

I'm kinda scared of being left alone right now. When I'm with my friends or doing something to keep my mind busy, I usually find myself able to forget all my troubles for a little while, however.. when I'm left alone or when it's quiet, I start to think a little too much. It's annoying. I don't even know what I'm really going through anymore.

Why can't I be like those people that are always happy? And I'm not talking about people that are able to hide their feelings. I'm talking about those people that are truly happy and every time a problem occur in their life, they don't seem to get bothered much by it. Why is it so hard for me? The harder I try, the harder the fall is.

I'm realy tired right now. I'm running out of strength to get up from the ground. I feel myself being pushed right back down everytime I try to get back up on my two feet. But, a part of me still knows I have to fight on..

Because, I once told a friend... "When something happens in life, god just wants you to find your inner strength". And, I try to keep this words in the back of my mind everytime something happens in my life - like now.

I love them

2010-04-07T00:30:00.004+08:00

I don't like sharing my feelings about this kind of thing but...

I decided that if I was to re-read my blog in a few years time, I would most likely go past this blog post and I would love to reminisce and remind myself how fortunate I am to have these people in my life. Of course in a few years time, plenty of things could have changed. But memories will always stay the same.

I love them a lot.
They are like family to me.
& most of them have left footprints on my heart.
:')

I meant, every single word I just said.
from the bottom of my heart~

Of course, looking back now, I have actually change a lot as a person because of them. I have learnt a lot from them, both good and bad. And, even though this coming July is going to be any 'normal' July for everyone, the 3rd week of that July is going to be extremely special for me. *marks that on the calendar*

Because, it would be my one year in JPYM...
And, because it's the smallest things that means the most.

If you see a really LOUD and noisy asian group, with usually one tall caucasian that stands out from the rest of the black hair. Or, you see people linking arms or people giving each other hugs and out of no where you hear someone shout 'MOSH' or 'GROUP HUG' and you see a whole group immediately go NINJA and turn their heads towards whoever shout it and then everyone running towards that person and joinning the group hug, then you will know, that is JPYM!

This post is specially dedicated to the FUTURE MAY!

Haus of Fierze ™

Bought the tickets? Take the ride.

I knew her back then™

Vault™

I'm utterly disgusting.

I've been feeling down in the dumps.

Every story has an ending...

God's precious gifts.

Public transport can be stressful

EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY DONE! *throws confetti in the air*

I feel like zksanfanjsak!!!!

Hillsongs One Day Perth Conference 2011

No questions asked.

God's love letter to you ♥

My Child,

Colossians 3:23 - Who is our main master? God or Man?

Joyce Rodrick Fierze, this one is for you.

JFIERZE 2 takeover :)

Size 2 baby sneakers (insert "awws" here)

7 stages of friendships.

Time for some humble pie.

It's okay to be out of sync...

I'm a chicken.

Sorry

Silence. For quite a while now.

Change

What's my view?

I'm a Cow(ard).

Jeremiah 29:11

To anyone who reads this, will you pray for me?

Faith seems tangible again. Praise the Lord!

I called. He answered.

Surrender to the Lord

Uni's starting soon...

Shining Spark

Obedience to God.

I hate being alone

Choices are scary

2010

A new beginning

10 things you should know about me

Letting Go

A letter to myself

Being a teenager is hard

Take a Step

Life's good

Top 4

Definition of Love

Ups and Downs

Closure

Buy 1 get 1 free

Haircut.

Imperfection

Brother

Exerting negative emotions

Not Fate, Just Choices

Sometimes

A prayer

It 'hits' me just fine

The End Bit Is Animated

The Day You Read This

Productive day - INDEED!

The World Leaning On Your Shoulder

Joel's broken bed

Life's little blessings

I wrote this for you

A pleasant surprise

A little humor

Dedicated to daddy-long-legs

TRIPLE THREAT TAKE OVA!!!

May & Abby

HACKED TEMPORAILY by Matt Poi

My self-esteem just dropped to 0%

May and Sindhu's unexpected encounter

You should know...

Unexplainable

The World Shoved Me

Aaron’s 23rd Birthday Party

Sleepover

What happened yesterday?

EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY DONE! throws confetti in the air

I love them